Probing Questions to Consider April 21, 2010

As we continue to talk about redemptive speech and especially how it affects our families, I was reminded by these excerpts in Jerry Bridges’ new book, Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins we Tolerate:

“Outside the home we are apt to be on our best behavior and act as we know we should. But in the home we tend to put aside those artificial restraints that are not part of our true character.”

“We tend to exhibit many sins most freely in the context of our own families.”

“Parents can become impatient over the slow response to the training of children and teenagers. ‘How many times have I told you not to leave your shoes in the family room?’ Or, ‘When are you going to learn to chew your food with your mouth closed?’ These kinds of slow responses to our training can often lead us to be impatient. Obviously the type of impatient expressions I’ve used as illustrations do not further our training efforts. They serve only to vent our impatience and humiliate the child.”

Over the years the Lord has graciously brought such penetrating truths into my life, forcing me to ask myself questions like this:

• Do I speak to my husband and children differently behind the closed doors of our home than when people are around?

• Could my children be tempted to resentment or hurtful perplexity because I speak to their friends with more patience and gentleness for things about which I am harsh or exacting with them?

• What kind of example am I setting for my daughters in the way I speak to and about my husband in the normal course of every day life? Will their future husbands reap the consequences or benefit from this example?

• Have I arrogantly sought to use forceful speech (anger, harshness, impatience, sarcasm, criticism) to wrestle change out of my husband or children rather than humbly trusting God as the only one who can change them (or me!)?

It’s been helpful and humbling to ask my family to help me answer these questions…not just once but several times over the years.

I think I’m overdue to revisit these questions with them. Perhaps you can join me. If your children are too young to be helpful, your husband and a wise friend would be a great resource.

Jesus, please help me to see if I have been putting aside “those artificial restraints that are not part of my true character” by treating my family differently when others are not around. I want to be a genuine Christian, not a hypocrite. Please give me eyes to see how I need to change and thank you for the power the cross provides me to put to death my sinful habits and become more like You!