Marriage “Retreat” ? February 8, 2010

It is interesting to me that we call these events “retreats” when in reality my sinful heart ends up advancing in response, not retreating!  This week was no exception!   Without going into unnecessary details, suffice it to say I have been engaged in all out warfare on the sin and lack of mercy evident in my heart.

Events played out this week that made me question the goodness of the  sovereignty of God.  I was struggling with my lack of control, not only of the circumstances but also of my own emotions.  It has been a roller coaster of a week – and I hate roller coasters!  I much prefer to be on solid ground where each step is predictable.

But God ordained otherwise.

I thought I was struggling with choices my husband had made – but the Lord revealed this wasn’t the case.  I was angry at Him (God) for allowing things to play out the way they did.  He is in control of all things – I’m not.  And if I don’t like what’s happening, I must surrender to His purpose, His plan, His ways.  To choose otherwise is foolish.  My mind knows this, but my heart was fighting tooth and nail!

How did this affect my husband?  My marriage?  It only demonstrated how much Tom loves me in-spite of my sin.  He reassured me of his love; he gently, but firmly pointed out my exaggerated responses; and he demonstrated the gospel to me.

Dave Harvey said, “Paul sandwiches his sin with grace on both sides.  If we’re going to improve, start with the Gospel, go to your heart, and return to the Gospel.  We make the Gospel the air we breathe.  It’s like suiting up with oxygen masks to go into a burning, smoke-filled room.”

Tom has been living this week in a smoke-filled room all the while wearing the mask of God’s grace.  Not only did he breathe grace, but he took his mask off and handed it to me, so I could breathe grace as well.  He loves me even though I’m a sinner – demonstrating Christ’s love for his bride – the church!

Tom, thank you for the way you love me.  As we will celebrate 31 years of marriage this month, I am more aware than ever of the gift your love is to me, for your love causes me to love our Savior more.  Thank you for your humility, your strength and the way you care for me in my weakness.  I love you with all my heart – even the sinful, ugly parts!

Posted by Debi