Confessions of an Exhausted…Bride-to-be October 9, 2009

::yawn:: These days it seems I am just so…::yawn::…tired. It’s about all I can do to pull myself out of bed each morning. And then (after realizing what time it is) rush to make myself presentable (again!), frantically grab a cup of coffee to gulp down on the way to work, try to listen to and actually concentrate on worship music or a message instead of running through my task list or looking at a bridal magazine at stop lights, arrive at work, forward all those super exciting emails from friends who are so enthusiastically rejoicing with me to my home address so I’m not distracted at work, make a bunch of phone calls over lunch (did the shop order the CORRECT bridal gown or not?!?!), rush to a cake design appointment, check out a department store’s registry, race to a meeting with the jeweler for wedding bands, grab a quick bite with my future hubby (best part of the day), show up late at Home Group, arrive home and open my email – only to find it FLOODED and screaming for my attention (scheduling myriads of appointments, decision-making, bridesmaid dress options, etc, etc), finally fall asleep at 1:30 a.m. …Did I mention this was yesterday? 

It’s really amazing – as incredibly fun as it is to be planning MY wedding, I am regularly exhausted and overwhelmed as I try to balance work, a wedding task list, a relationship…not to mention the desire to keep up with my friends and serving in the church! I want to do it all! I want to do my job really well, plan a gorgeous wedding, spend time with my amazing fiancé WITHOUT talking about wedding details, be there for my friends to watch their precious children (or take them a meal, or catch up with them)! But I can’t.

This new season has required me to evaluate my priorities and lay some things down. Saying “no” has always been challenging for me, but with each new season the Lord leads me into I am learning the importance of guarding my priorities. Being engaged will only last for a time – but then it will be on to lots and lots of other exhausting (but incredible!) seasons like balancing work, a home AND a husband; having small children; having large children (oh the drama I was!); having no children at home but lots and lots of grandbabies! I can’t wait and am very much looking forward to all of those seasons and the pure joy that each one provides (as God intended!)…but how am I learning NOW to be careful THEN? How am I battling pride and self-sufficiency during this season? 

One way I am working to do this is by asking what the Lord’s “task list” might be for me in this current season. Am I willing to evaluate MY task list and pare away the things that are not so important so I can fulfill the duties the Lord has truly called me to at this time? Am I willing to lay down things that I want to do or things that seem so incredibly urgent to me in order to make time to have a lengthy discussion (rather than a rushed and hurried one) with David about the pre-marital assignments? 

Honestly? Many times I am not – thus the exhaustion. However, when I DO choose to lay those things down, I find there is SO much grace for the things He has called me to do! When I am walking humbly in my weakness and not in self-sufficiency, His strength is magnified and there is freedom in knowing He is sovereignly at work!!

Well, I’m off to work – a task the Lord HAS called me to and one that I am looking forward to fulfilling with the strength He has provided for this day!

Posted by Jennifer