Post Thanksgiving Thoughts November 30, 2009

So how would you describe your holiday weekend in one word: Memorable?  Exhausting?  Fun?  Or perhaps disappointing?

Have you noticed how often disappointment sets in after special days?  I remember spending weeks planning a special birthday for one of our children.  I didn’t typically have themed parties, but this time my “queen of theme” niece helped me plan a Dalmatian party.  As the big day approached my excitement grew.  I just knew this party was going to be so memorable it might just be the best party my child would ever have.

But the day ended in disappointment.  Why?  Because I forgot something really important.  The party was for a 6-year-old!  I had noticed she didn’t seem nearly as excited as my niece and I were about the dalmatian napkins, balloons, cake decorations (that took hours the day before), favors for her friends, and even adorable dalmatian panties.  But I knew she would make up for the seeming lack of exuberance when I later asked her if she had fun.  She said she did…but not as much as at last year’s party.  (The family-only party I threw together just a few days before her birthday.)

During the days following I realized that my disappointment was due to unfulfilled expectations about the party.  While my desire was certainly to bless and surprise my daughter, God helped me to see that I also desired to receive something from my daughter that didn’t come.  As one man said, “Expectations can damage and sometimes destroy relationships.”

If you’re experiencing some disappointment about how your weekend went, rather than assuming it will “pass” maybe you should stop and consider whether you unknowingly went into the weekend with expectations that didn’t pan out.  Maybe the meal didn’t turn out as you hoped; your husband wasn’t as helpful with the kids as you feel he should have been; you spent the meal time getting up and down with sick or unruly children; or you would have preferred spending the weekend somewhere other than where you were.

We often don’t even know we had expectations until they’re unmet.  Realizing the disappointment has a cause — and a solution — has been helpful to me over the years.  When the cause is unfulfilled expectations the solution is joyously simple:  our expectations aren’t placed in people but in the One whose sovereignty orders all our days.

And though His plans aren’t always pleasing to us, they’re always good.  Realizing that unrealistic expectations  following my daughter’s 6th birthday led to my disappointment gave me the opportunity to see some things about myself that needed to change.  Lots of birthdays and holidays later, I’m grateful.

So is my family.

Posted by Sheree

Happy Thanksgiving… November 26, 2009

…from our home to yours!

Troubled Heart: Thankful Heart! November 25, 2009

Today I’m asking the Lord to replace my troubled heart with a thankful one.  There are numerous temptations for me to be anxious.  Yet in the midst of our troubles God remains strong, powerful, loving, wise and good.

Isn’t it good to know He is never troubled?  His heart is eternally free from anxiety or uncertainty?  He is always confident in His sovereign control and unstoppable plans?

On this busy day when many of us are preparing to share a wonderful feast together with family and friends, let’s think of Martha.  She, too, was having a busy day and her Savior warmly acknowledges her: “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things” (Luke 10: 41).  Let’s find the “best part” like her sister, Mary, and find joy in experiencing the peace that’s found at His feet.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted by Sheree

Troubled Holidays November 23, 2009

The holiday season officially starts this week.  For many of us, that’s a “happy” thought.  Yet for others it brings a hint of sadness…or perhaps weighty, troubling thoughts.

But for others, happy holidays is somewhat of an an oxymoron.  Kinda like someone who is “terribly nice” or an item made of “genuinely-imitation leather.”

Like the sad years following my Uncle Alvin’s death.  It was just before Christmas 1966 and I was 12 years old. A tragic house fire resulted in the horrific and slow death of one of Mom’s younger brothers.  A year later my 13-year-old future husband lost his little sister to leukemia just days before Christmas, too.  When Benny and I met 4 years later we talked about the sadness Christmas still held for us.

Perhaps like us, you lost someone you love during the holidays.   Or maybe years of infertility leave you facing another holiday season without a little one to share it with.  As a single, do the holidays bring tinges of sadness as you anticipate another Thanksgiving and Christmas without the love and companionship of the man you have asked God to provide for you?  Or maybe you or your husband have lost your job and there will be few gifts this year under your tree.   And some of you, I’m sure, live far from family.  This year you will be unable to experience the joy of childhood memories of the special traditions you remember so fondly.

For many, “Happy Holidays” can be a reminder of what is not happy about the holidays…and bring temptations to excessive sadness.

While Uncle Alvin’s death doesn’t still affect my holidays, missing my Mom still brings waves of longing to my heart.   The traditional breakfast she and I made together for as many Christmases as I remember will still be enjoyed, but she won’t be there fighting me for space next to the stove to fry our Puffs (her yummy recipe will be available next month).  Over the years since her death and our move to Florida in 2000, I have had to learn how to manage my sadness with God’s help.  Honestly, it’s taken time and prayer to discern when sadness bleeds into self-pity.

I’m really glad Thanksgiving comes before Christmas.  Each year I try to recount the numerous evidences of God’s kindness and grace to me.   Amazingly, it doesn’t take long for my heart to find joy in God’s faithfulness and provision.  Self-pity is soon replaced with gratefulness for His blessings.

In fact, it’s time for me to start this year’s “Thanksgiving List.”  Will you join me?  The “man of sorrows who was fully acquainted with grief” (Is 53:3) who “in every way was tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Heb 4:15) can provide us with the comfort and grace we need to glorify Him in the midst of holiday challenges.

And for those of us who are anticipating truly happy holidays, let’s ask the Lord to give us sensitivity to and compassion for those whose holidays may not be so happy.

Lord, I pray for those ladies who find the holidays challenging due to loss, disappointment or grief.  Help us all to call to mind the numerous evidences of Your goodness, faithfulness, provision and love.  Cause our hearts to be more grateful for what You have given than sad over what you have not given, or have taken.  I especially ask You to comfort those whose holidays will be the first since losing someone dear. Give us each eyes to see those around us that are hurting this holiday season.  May all our focus this year be more on the Giver than on what’s given, and on the Provider rather than on what hasn’t been provided.  We can only do this with Your help.  Thank you!

Posted by Sheree

Wedding Watch #4 November 20, 2009

I’m not exactly sure why, but I’ve been given permission to talk about my wedding online! Yippee!! That’s like sending a kid into a candy store…or a bride into a wedding dress boutique! You get the picture, right? I’m excited. So for the next 77 days, every other Friday, I’ll be bringing you the latest on the Lightfoot/Fountain wedding. Yes, ladies, you can get the very latest right here on the Mom’s Blog! That is, if you’re interested? (Wedding Watch #1, Wedding Watch #2, Wedding Watch #3)

First off, I originally thought it would be a cinch to plan a wedding in five months (my ideal time frame for engagement)…somehow I forgot to factor in that I would also need to work full-time. Silly me. October was supposed to be the truly busy month and November was supposed to be a joy-filled month, full of care-free walks along Park Avenue and drinking Starbucks and baking and holiday-anticipation. …stop laughing! Stop!! Ok, fine…go ahead and get it out. As you can tell, November has looked nothing like I had hoped (something now tells me neither will December or January ::smile:: ). However, it really has been amazingly productive! For example:

David and I have worked with a friend and gotten our invitations designed – from the ground up!

We met with our cake-baker and designed the monstrous confection.

We traveled to Nashville for a wedding – this counts! I was on the look-out for ideas!!!

We worked on the aesthetic aspects of the ceremony and reception.

I met with my florist and nailed down flowers and more décor for the day in one delicious marathon meeting!

We tried out another rehearsal dinner location (this could be a lovely excuse for eating out at different places…I wonder how I could transfer this to after we’re married?).

We will have our first invitation-assembly-night this weekend!! (Hopefully, our last, too??)

We will celebrate our first Thanksgiving together…last year I only thought he might like me. Heehee! 

So, there you go!! Those are the big things but there are still (obviously) so many, many more details to come (and pictures with the next Wedding Watch!). The Lord is using my fiancé in many ways to help me to not only remember the REASON we’re doing this but to also enjoy the process. What a blessing to have constant encouragement and reminders and assistance throughout every step of the way! David, thank you! Thank you for helping me and leading me through this season! I am so grateful for you!

Wedding Ticker from PromoteMyWedding

Troubled Heart: School of Pain November 18, 2009

Today wraps up our series on having a troubled heart.  We pray it has helped you in your trouble to lean more dependently on Christ – our only comfort in such times.  The following is an excerpt from a sermon by J.R. Miller (1840-1912) titled, “Life’s Byways and Waysides”.  Read it carefully for it will be like a soothing salve on parched skin.

School of Pain

Everyone has sorrow. Being a Christian does not exempt anyone from grief. But faith in Christ brings a transformation of sorrow. Not only are we taught to endure the sorrows that come to us patiently and submissively–but we are assured that there is a blessing in them for us, if we accept them with love and trust.

One of the deepest truths taught in the Bible--is that earthly sorrow has a mission in the sanctifying of life. “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. God disciplines us for our good–that we may share in His holiness.” Hebrews 12:10-11

We dread pain! And yet the person who has not experienced pain–has not yet touched the deepest and most precious meanings of life. There are things we never can learn–except in the school of pain! There are heights of life we never can attain–except in the bitterness of sorrow. There are joys we never can have–until we have walked in the dark ways of sorrow. Not to have sorrow, in some form, is to miss one of life’s holiest opportunities. We get our best things–out of affliction! “I have refined you in the furnace of suffering!” Isaiah 48:10

Father, thank you for reminding us of these truths.  You are God even in our trouble, and we can fully trust Your hand to lead us, guide us and hold us through it all.  May we grow in gratitude regardless of the external circumstances we’re facing.  Give us grateful hearts to praise You in the midst of the trouble.  Help us to “lift up our eyes above the trouble…”  In Jesus precious and powerful name, Amen!

Posted by Debi

Troubled Heart: Wanting Peace November 16, 2009

Our best planned days are often interrupted by the unexpected:

• A child gets hurt demanding our instant attention
• the washing machine breaks again requiring us to go to plan B just to finish the laundry (and there is no plan B!)
• dinner is cooking when a child gets sick causing us to forget about it – another meal ruined
• your potty-training two year old has one too many accidents and you’re tempted to let them stay in diapers until…

These are but a few examples of the everyday life of a Mom.  We are constantly on call whether we like it or not.  Our children demand our attention sometimes legitimately, and sometimes selfishly.  Either way if we don’t give it to them they will get louder and louder.  You may have a husband who helps you on days like these, or you may find yourself fatigued and discouraged because he doesn’t help you the way you would like.

Why is it life goes this way?  Why can’t we have one day where it all goes according to plan?  The answer is simple…we have a loving God who wants us to realize our dependence on Him.  Just like our children who say, “I can do it myself!”  We want to be able to proudly proclaim the same to God. However, this isn’t a life that glorifies God.  We want peace sometimes at all costs!  I remember the irony of yelling at my kids to “be quiet!” I was craving peace, but God, who is peace, was saying, “Debi, you’ll never have it apart from Me!  I am your peace!”

So, today, remember that peace comes from God, not from perfectly planned days that go according to your schedule.  This will help you cling to Him when the tension mounts, and you’re tempted to scream!

Posted by Debi

The Many Faces of… November 13, 2009

TROUBLE!

I remember my first experience with trouble as a “Mom” when I first became pregnant.  Within weeks I had a miscarriage and a flood of trouble came pouring into my unsuspecting soul; will I ever be able to have children?  If I do, will I survive the pregnancy and delivery?  What if the baby has serious birth defects?  These questions tempted me with all kinds of trouble.

Then I had my first baby – a boy – and I thought all my troubles were over!  Little did I know the trouble was attempting to take root.  At 10 months our son ended up in the hospital with a serious upper respiratory infection.  He began losing weight and my round the clock vigil began with trouble gladly keeping me company through the night.

One day our son, who had just started crawling, was playing in the kitchen.  He picked up a glass bowl, which I didn’t know he could do…and dropped it on the floor!  Glass shattered everywhere!  I quickly picked him up and moved him to the opposite side of the family room, so I could sweep up the mess, not knowing he was holding a sliver of glass in his hand.  A few minutes later he began to cry.  Trouble screamed my name when I saw blood coming from his little mouth!

Another serious temptation for trouble was watching the local news (still is – as a matter of fact!) – reports of child molesters, kidnappers and drug infested candy bars introduced me to a world of trouble!  I was beginning to think I would never have a moment without trouble again! Evil seemed to lurk all around me.

But God reminded me of the Truth which He spoke to Martha when her heart was troubled:

“But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”    Luke 10:41-42

In order to be free from the effects of a troubled heart, I must sit at my Savior’s feet and listen to His still small voice.  He wasn’t troubled by the storm, the death of a family member, an injury from an angry sword, or the accusations of fierce enemies.  And the good news is He cares for Moms who are afraid for the safety and well-being of their children.

Run to Jesus you who are troubled in Spirit and let Him hold you close and remind you of the Truth!  There you’ll find a “peace that passes all understanding”, and help for your troubled heart.

(NOTE:  I just received in my in box this morning Grace Gems titled, The Silent Christ, by J.R. Miller.   It follows along with our series about Troubled Hearts.  When you have time, it’s a must read for all!)

Posted by Debi

Troubled Heart: Wanting Control! November 11, 2009

There have been many things over the years that I have allowed to trouble my heart.  It usually has something to do with me not being able to control everything that happens in my life.  I love control.  When I feel out of control I will get fretful and anxious.

Although my heart can be troubled by many things, I will share one very practical one.  My heart is troubled when I can’t get everything done that needs to be done…and do it all well.  (I can see some of you smiling at my foolish thinking!)  The condition of my heart is very attached to the condition of my home and schedule.

This has not always been the case.  Just ask my mom!  In high school and early in my marriage I cared little about how clean my room/home was (hm…did I even have a schedule?) and was very proud of how easy going and flexible I was.  Not long after I started having kids this all changed.  Actually, the more children I had, the more scheduled, orderly, and selfish I became about how my life ran.

A realistic degree of order is great and should be a priority in my life.  What is not great, though, is when I allow a self-imposed standard of what should be done to affect those around me, producing anger, irritation and feeling overwhelmed.  I simply believe life should be smooth and hassle free. Everything should run like clock work, and God forbid ANYONE messes up my schedule or house.  I know what some of you are thinking:  “Then why in the world did you have 4 kids???”

On Monday, Mom mentioned what a troubled heart is.   She said, “What is a “troubled” heart?  Some adjectives I came across for this very descriptive word are anxious; disturbed; weighed down; restless; fearful.”

I am anxious when I know something has to be done but I can’t find the time to do it.  That just means I will have more to do tomorrow!   I am disturbed by the five people in my home who don’t have the same standard for cleanliness that I do.   I find myself weighed down and restless by all the things I feel I have to do.

Again, this is a self-imposed standard!  My husband doesn’t care when the floor was last mopped or if dinner is a box of macaroni and cheese. My kids would certainly rather have a peaceful and fun Mom than a tidy playroom.  So why do I allow these ridiculous expectations to trouble me?

Over the past few years I have come to realize there is nothing I control.  Terrible, sad, overwhelming things happen and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I want to control SOMETHING!   Can I at least control what happens in my home?  Does Danae have to spill Cheerios all over the floor just when we’re about to walk out the door?  Couldn’t Annie have spilled her apple juice 5 minutes before I mopped the floor instead of 5 minutes after?

The Lord loves to remind me that even what happens in my home is controlled by Him.   Even in normal daily life I should always be trusting Him, repenting of my sinful attitudes when things don’t go my way (which means I do alot of repenting), and reminding myself that though I regularly fail His grace is always there to give me hope for change.

I want to get to the place where my heart can be joyful and content no matter what situation I am in, even if the worst thing going on is my messy home or crazy schedule.  To me, that’s requiring the power of God!

Posted by Jaime

Troubled Heart:Trustworthy God November 9, 2009

Today we start a new series on a common occurrence we women face: having troubled hearts.

What is a “troubled” heart?  Some adjectives I came across for this very descriptive word are anxious; disturbed; weighed down; restless; fearful.  Do these words describe your heart at times?  They certainly do mine.

What most often tempts you to become anxious, disturbed or fearful?

• Financial worries?
• Health issues (yourself or your family)?
• Relational conflicts?
• Unsaved or spiritually disinterested family members?
• Delayed hopes or unanswered prayers?
• Ongoing weariness, fatigue and feeling overwhelmed with your responsibilities?

We can relate.  Our temptations are common.  Listen to these words written by the Psalmist thousands of years ago.

I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me.  In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted.  When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate, my spirit faints.  You hold my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak (Ps 77:1-4).

Perhaps reading these words bring surprising relief because of how aptly this describes you right now.  Or maybe your heart is not troubled to this degree, but you are anxious and fretful.  Do you sometimes feel it’s not “right” to feel this way because of how much you have to be grateful for?  Do you hesitate mentioning your troubled heart to anyone because it seems like you’re the only one who has such struggles?

I have good news for you.  The man who wrote those words in Psalms was called “a man after God’s heart.”  He loved God.  He usually trusted God.  He had sinned in serious ways against God.  Yet he battled the common temptation to feel overwhelmed and troubled.  Having a troubled heart doesn’t mean you don’t love God.  The gospel provides you and I with hope that the One who Himself was a “man of sorrows and fully acquainted with grief” wants to lovingly help us through the dark times that come.

Let’s talk more about this on Wednesday.  Until then:

Lord, for those who are reading these words and are reminded of past days when their heart was troubled, thank you for this season of joy and gladness in their lives.  Use them, Lord, to bring comfort and love to those they know whose hearts are troubled.  But for those who are currently troubled, please remind them of Your nearness and help.  You are the trustworthy One who is not only eager to help, but who also has the power to help.  Thank you for the reminder that You are at work, even when our troubles multiply and we feel powerless to help ourselves.  In our weakness You are strong.  Always.

Posted by Sheree