My oldest daughter, Kayla, is 8 years old. I enrolled her in a public speaking class this semester in hopes that she would learn to communicate better, and grow in her confidence in speaking in front of others. It has been a wonderful experience for her! Last week they had an impromptu speech. She was not told what she was going to talk about until that day and she had to stand in front of the class and speak without putting thought into what she would say. What was the topic chosen for her? It was, “Do you think a boys or girls life is harder? Why?”
Here was her response:
“I think a girls life is way harder than a boys. Daddies get to go to work and sit around on a computer all day. The mommy has to stay home and do the cooking, cleaning, taking care of children, and all the REALLY hard work.”
I was not there. She told me all about it (and so did others who were there!). She continued to tell me other reasons why a girls life is so hard. I tried not to laugh (in total agreement!) with what she said. I rejoiced about her grade and sent her on her way, knowing that I would eventually have to come back and discuss some things with her.
I have realized that my daughters pick up on things from me and I am, apparently, not communicating very well the joy in my duties. I am not communicating with them (and especially Kayla) the importance of Daddy’s hard work so that she can have food, and toys, and a house to live in.
The problem is not that Kayla thinks that a mommy’s life is hard, or even that she thinks it is harder than a daddy’s job. The problem is, you should have heard the way she said it! There was no “a girls life is a lot of work, but so worth it!”. Or, “A boy may have an easier life, but I cannot wait to be a mommy!”. There was a tone there that made me realize I am not being a very good example to my daughter of having joy in my duties, tasks, and life.
I want my daughters to realize that being a girl, or mom, is hard, but I also want them to very quickly go to the fact that it can be, and is, the joy of my life! I love what I do! No really, I do. Apparently, my daughters might not know that. So I started wondering………
Do I make sure I take opportunities to share my love for what I am doing?
Do I tell Kayla how much I love homeschooling her?
Do they see me overwhelmed and irritated more than they see me smiling and laughing?
Do I think and pray about what I communicate to my children daily? The reality is, what Kayla, Anniston, and Danae see or hear from me will have a great impact on what THEY think of a woman’s duties.
Do I daily encourage Kayla about how helpful she is to me and how important her job as a big sister is?
We should always first and foremost do our work “as for the Lord and not for men” (Colossians 3:23). If I am doing my work for the Lord, I would think that I would also be communicating to my daughters something different than I am now.
This is not about hiding your sin from your kids and putting on a fake happy face even during a hard day. I ask my children’s forgiveness at least once a day about something. My hope is that I would eventually come to a place where my focus is on glorifying God, sacrificing my life for Him and my family, and NOT making sure everyone knows how hard it is for me to sacrifice for them! What I want my girls to see, is the JOY I have in my really hard work. I would love for Kayla to have said:
“I think a girls life is harder than a boys. I think it is harder to take care of children, clean, and cook than it is to do computer stuff all day. But! My mommy is way fun, and loves what she does, and loves God a lot, so that is what I want to do when I grow up!”
Hmmmm….wishful thinking??? I hope, and pray, it is not.
Posted by Jaime
