Looking for that Needle of Superiority September 30, 2009

So do you believe that washing dishes can touch God’s heart as much as preaching?

Remember Jesse’s prop statement on Sunday:  Our faith-filled obedience to God pleases Him and sanctifies our work. The good news is that while the type of work we do differs, God’s pleasure is the same whatever our work is!  Jesse made the point on Sunday that when he uses his college education in computer programming to create helpful tools to serve people, he experiences the same sense of God’s pleasure as when he preaches.

Did you believe him?

If not, you might want to investigate your heart for vestiges of sinful pride.  Why?  Because pride elevates people (including the work they do) over other people (and the work they do).  Sinful pride:

• can tempt the home schooling mother to feel her work makes her a more devoted mom than those who send their children to school.
• minimizes the nobility of your husband’s work as an air conditioning repair tech compared to your friend’s husband who is a successful attorney.
• can lead to resentment in the stay-at-home mom and the employed single, both of whom feel what they do day after day isn’t nearly as important as the work the other does.

Consider again this quote by Dave Harvey:

“Throughout our history, we humans have proven quite adept at finding any presumed needle of superiority—whether race, class, income, education, position, or something else—in our haystack of similarities.”

Work is one of these ways we are tempted to feel superior or inferior to others.  Either reaction is rooted in pride.  My pride can either tempt me to arrogantly elevate myself over others because of my (or my husband or children’s) work, or tempt me to arrogant self-pity because I think I’m more important than the work that I (or my husband or children) do. Dave’s provocative point is excellent:  Our similarities far outweigh our differences.  As women, we are called by God.  We are His beloved daughters.  We have been bought with a price — the blood of His son.  Why, then do we focus on our differences rather than on our similarities?  Could it be because we are looking for a superior place to land compared to others?

What thoughts does this produce in your heart and mind?  Do you find yourself comparing yourself or your husband to others based on the duties and work that you and he do?  Does this produce superiority or inferiority?  What does this say about your heart?

Wow.  I have some thinking to do.

Posted by Sheree

P.S.  It’s been awhile since we received so much feedback about a post on this blog:  If you missed last Friday’s post, please read it.  And then go take a nap.

Washing Dishes Pleases God?!? September 28, 2009

Yesterday morning the message at our meeting was on the importance of seeing the place God has put us as a divine calling.  The text was 1 Corinthians 7:17:   “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.” Jesse provided the following propositional statement as the take-away point from this passage:  our faith-filled obedience to God pleases Him and sanctifies our work.

I was comforted by the reminder that each of us have a divine calling on our life.  While “calling” is often referenced when talking about pastoral ministry, the Bible says that  men, women and children are called by God to do the things currently before us.  Each of us has an assignment from God – a certain task and a divine job description.  God is the one who calls us to this task, Paul told the Corinthians.  “God doesn’t just come up with the assignment,”  Jesse assured us.  “He let’s us know (informs us of) what the assignment is and gives us the requisite gifts to be able to fulfill that assignment.”

Do you believe that your current season of life is a divine assignment from God?

• As a mom of young children, do you often struggle with feeling you could be doing something more important with your life?
• Do the mundane responsibilities of keeping a home feel like things “anybody could do” for your family?
• Does your life as a wife, mom and homemaker seem insignificant compared to the glamorous lives of extended family members or neighbors or old high school friends?
• Has delayed marriage tempted you to feel your singleness is an “on hold” existence where you won’t really be doing what God wants Christian women to do until you have a family?

We lose perspective on our duties when we minimize the importance of them in God’s eyes.  I was struck by the following quote in Jesse’s message by 16th century reformer and scholar,  William Tyndale:  “There is external difference between washing of dishes, and preaching of the Word of God; but as touching to please God, none at all.”

Do you believe this?  Let’s talk more about this on Wednesday…

Lord, please help me to resist allowing cultural and unbiblical thinking to assign worth to things you have called me to do.  I lack wisdom and need Your help.  I admit I don’t think that cleaning dishes is nearly as important as preaching Your word.  Help me to see the things I do as pleasing to You so that I will do them with the strength You provide.  Correct my thinking, Lord, and help me to agree with You that my season of life is by Your providential and divine calling.  Wow.  Thank you, Lord.

P.S.  You will be able to access Jesse’s message on our church website on Tuesday.  Go to www.metrolife.org and look under “Recent Sermons” for the message from September 27th.

Posted by Sheree

Sometimes “Duty” Means Taking a Nap September 25, 2009

On Wednesday I mentioned I would tell you about a conversation I had with Rachel earlier this week….

My daughter-in-law is the new mommy of my 9th grandchild, adorable 10-week-old Eleanor, who has a big brother, JJ, (age 4 1/2) and a big sister, Elsie, (almost 3).  In addition to being Mom to three small children, Rachel’s husband is in the throes of building his own business.  You get the picture:  she’s a busy woman who doesn’t have her husband around as much as she would understandably desire.

When duty collides with increased seasonal responsibilities, it’s time to pause and pray.

• Early pregnancy (especially when accompanied by “morning” sickness – did yours last all day like mine sometimes did?).
• Adding a newborn to your life and home.
• Stomach viruses or flu bugs that take weeks to get through the house.
• Fall adjustments to homeschooling or extra carpooling or homework of kids who started school.
• Chronic pain or illness involving yourself or a family member (including extra errands or doctor’s appointments).
• Your husband’s job requiring extra hours or lots of overtime.
• Juggling motherhood with working outside the home.
• Extending care to an aging parent.
• Preparing for or adjusting to a move or job change (yours or your husband’s).
• Or like my friend, Jenn, planning a wedding!

Little Eleanor isn’t sleeping as well as JJ and Elsie did at her age.  Her tummy reacts more to what Rachel eats and she hasn’t adapted to a predictable schedule as easily as her older siblings.  Then there’s the added laundry and extra errands that come with having a baby.  Most important, though, is the adjustment to less sleep.  There have been numerous nights when Rachel has gotten little or no sleep.

So when they came over earlier this week to hang out, Rachel humbly admitted she was struggling and that she didn’t really even want to come over that night simply because she was so tired.  I was grateful for her honesty, and for the opportunity to provide some loving reminders…

Think about it.  Let’s say Eleanor eats eight or more times in a 24-hour period.  If each feeding takes about 30 minutes, that’s an average of four hours a day just feeding her baby…nearly 30 hours a week!  That’s like adding nearly a full time job to the already full life of a mom of young children.

It was my joy to remind Rachel that simply feeding, training and having clean clothes for her children is a huge accomplishment.  The bathrooms and kitchen floors can wait.  While undone chores weigh on the minds (and eyes!) of ladies in the challenging circumstances listed above, it’s important to remember that we don’t have unlimited energy.  We are weak and dependent.  Rachel needed a gentle reminder that when she she lays down her head on her pillow (whatever time of the day that is!) she needs to experience God’s peace for what was accomplished during the day, knowing her heart is to do more when time and energy allow.

So for any other “Rachel’s” who are reading this post, please don’t fret over what isn’t getting done since there are providential situations that are requiring lots of your time, effort and attention.  You will get the laundry done all in one day again someday.  When duties aren’t done for reasons beyond your control, know that the One who is in control is eager to give you strength to do those few things that you are able to get done.

The pleasure of God isn’t about what you do, but in who you are: His blood-bought daughter in whom He finds great delight because of the Savior’s death on the cross…for you. So just get done what He provides strength to do today — and please take a nap.

Posted by Sheree

When Our Duties Lack Joy September 23, 2009

Does the reminder that God requires us to rejoice…always ever tempt you to discouragement or even condemnation?  Does this biblical mandate elude you as you move through your days caring for your home and family?  If so, you’re in good company.  Just recently I’ve been talking to moms who find themselves battling this kind of discouragement:

A sleep-deprived mom of a newborn who can’t nap in the afternoon because her toddlers and infant don’t sleep at the same time.

A mom caring for her own ill and aging mother who feels trapped at times when friends her age are enjoying more flexibility with their lives and schedules.

A homeschooling mom who visited extended family recently and found herself battling jealously over cousins who work outside the home and are able to have lovely homes and annual vacations.

A mom of several young children who admitted wondering if what she is doing day after day is really “important.”

So much about our daily life is repeatable.  Laundry gets done, folded and put away only to get dirty and end up in the washer again.  Food has to be cooked and cleaned up over and over.  Floors need mopping or vacuuming again and again.  Children need correction and training for the same things repeatedly.

Over the years I have often struggled with maintaining a Godward perspective on my daily life.  Have you?  I’ve had lots of days (or weeks, or seasons)  when I simply just didn’t want to do the right thing.  The kids needed to be trained to stop rudely interrupting or reacting angrily at a sibling, but I was tired of correcting them only to have to turn around and do so again for the same thing hours (or minutes!) later.  Chores needed to be done when I just wanted to rest.  (More on that on Friday when I tell you about a chat I had recently with my daughter-in-law, Rachel.)  Meals had to be cooked when I longed to order pizza.

Are we always supposed to like our daily duties?  Does God expect us to always find eternal value and motivation in the day-in-day-out responsibilities of being wives, moms and homemakers? If so, then I have failed regularly.

John Piper said, “When duty is hard and we do not feel joy in doing it, we should still do it, and pray that in the doing it the joy will be given.”

So we must keep going even when our joy eludes us as we patiently wait for the time when joy in our duties will be “given” — by the Giver of all needed gifts. It’s comforting to know that when duty is routine and even perhaps joyless, I can still trust God to give me strength to keep serving and giving my life away until the sense of joy and purpose returns.

What grace!  I am incapable of maintaining a joy-filled life, but I can pray and ask God to renew my joy!  Please join me as we pray together:

Lord, thank you for the reminder that the battle for joy in my daily duties is a common one.  During those days and seasons when fatigue sets in and I lack a biblical perspective on the joy of my womanly duties, please help me.  I want to find true joy in laying down my life for my family and friends.  To experience Your pleasure as I walk through my days, especially when it seems like I’m just going through the motions.  Thank you for Your promise of help and strength and grace to do all that You have put on my plate.  I need You, Lord, and am grateful for Your help to persevere until joy floods my heart once again.

Posted by Sheree

The Delight of Duty September 21, 2009

Today we’re starting a new Sheree’s Musings series.  Check back in the rest of this week and next as the series continues…

I am musing these days over what a bad “rap” life’s mundane tasks often get.  Our womanly tasks are often called “duties” — and what is it about that word that conjures up fatigue at best or disdain at worst?  Does even thinking the word duty make you feel like this exhausted woman?

Webster defines duty as that which a person owes to another; that which a person is bound, by any natural, moral or legal obligation, to pay, do or perform.

If duties are things we “owe” — and we view “owing” someone as something we are obligated to pay whether we like it or not — then no wonder “duty” can be a weight or obligation.  But what if we view our duties through the lens of the gospel and biblical truth?  What if duties are privileges we are given the joy of extending?  What if the laws of love to which we are scripturally “bound” (to serve and encourage one another, for example…and the womanly duties of homemaking, cooking, cleaning, etc) aren’t something to pay as if we are buying down a debt, but something we can JOYFULLY do as godly women who “owe no man anything save love”?  If our duties are energized by love for those in our lives, rooted in the gospel where we find the greatest act of undeserved love found in human history, then as His image bearers we can “dutifully” serve and lay down our lives (especially for our families) out of LOVE for God and them!

Ok; so I’m letting you in on thoughts that have been churning over and over in my mind…

In short, I can serve my family with joy, even when I’m inconvenienced and have to set aside what I wanted or hoped to do, because I am bearing the image of the One whose life was pretty much like mine: the mundane and ho-hum life of a faithful son, brother, friend, and carpenter until the voice from heaven said, “This is my Son in whom I am well pleased.”

Why was God pleased with His son?  He hadn’t yet raised anyone from the dead or fed thousands or healed a single leper.  He had worked as a carpenter and been a loving son and sibling.  Day in and day out.

So as women, can we willingly put a load of laundry in; teach a child phonics or help with his homework; vacuum; and get dinner started while we talk on the phone to a hurting friend — and then fall into bed at night knowing our life that day was well pleasing to God?

I’m still musing.  I’ll fill you in more on Wednesday and Friday.

Posted by Sheree

Surprising the Fiance September 18, 2009

Well…I am not married. Yet. But it’s been fun trying to be creative in blessing David off and on throughout our relationship. He has taken responsibility for date nights and fun day trips over the past several months as he has pursued me – so much fun! And I look forward to a lifetime of those!

Still, I wanted to find some way every once in a while to let him know how much I appreciated him. It’s all been VERY simple and easy but it seems to mean somethin’ to him. Sometimes it’s as easy as showing up at his office with Starbucks (for those of you who know David – that gains me a lot of points!!). Sometimes it’s a bit more challenging, like sending a surprise ahead of him on a business trip. 

It’s been amazing to see how much I am blessed in thinking through ways to hopefully bless HIM. I think it’s well worth the small effort it takes! And, now that we’re engaged, I am looking forward to new ways to communicate how much I love him! As a matter of fact, I need to get on that! Fun!!!

 **Wedding Update**

Last night I went dress shopping which was also a lot of fun! I couldn’t believe how surreal it felt. I almost felt like I was playing “pretend” or “dress up” and at any time the consultant would chase me away, scolding me for putting those dresses and veils and tiaras on…and nobody did! Instead everyone “oohed” and “ahhed.” Girls cried. Pictures were taken. Such a fun night!

And throughout it all I was just constantly reminded of God’s faithfulness to me through answered prayer. I have been praying for a husband like David for years (as have many other VERY kind friends and family). And yet, if He had chosen to not answer my prayers with a husband at this time, I realize He still would have been a faithful God. For some reason, THIS is the time He chose to bring us together – to reveal what He’s been working on for years and years!

 …and now I am trying on wedding dresses. Yes, it’s just that wonderful.

Posted by Jennifer

Fun and Cheap Anniversary September 16, 2009

PJ and I decided a couple of years ago we were going to switch back and forth planning Valentines Day and our anniversary each year. This year was my year to do our anniversary.  With money being tight, I was having a hard time coming up with something fun and affordable.  Plus, I wanted to plan something that I knew he would enjoy.

I decided to find sitters for the kids for the weekend and have our anniversary at home alone. I planned out fun events throughout the weekend that were close to home (save on the gas money), pack lunches wherever we went, and that way we could spend the little bit of money we did have on nice dinners.

Our plan for the weekend:

Friday – Daytona Beach during the day and have a picnic lunch on the beach.  Play pool Friday night.

Saturday – I planned to go to a friends house with some property and have a day of shooting his guns.  I am not sure there is much else that makes him happier.  That night we went to a nice dinner where I had written him 11 evidences of grace in his life to coincide with the 11 years we had been married.

Sunday morning – Getting ready for church with no kids.  That was awesome.  :-)  We even had time to stop for coffee on the way there.

When I asked him the other day for ideas for this post, that was the first thing that came to his mind.  Not only because I had thought out events with him in mind, but also because we never realized how much fun we could have just being in our own home and doing stuff around town.

I really do love to get away somewhere different, but there is something about being in your own home that is so much more relaxing.  Plus, anytime that I plan something to bless him, makes it so much more fun for me.  No matter where or what we do!

Posted by Jaime

An Unexpected Blessing September 14, 2009

This week we’re going to share with you practical and fun ways that we have blessed our husbands.  Today Debi shares a way she blessed Tom by giving him unexpected free time.

It had been an unusually hectic time in Tom’s life, and he was feeling the weight of undone tasks piling up.  He knew the only way to get it all done was to put in a full Saturday and work hard.  On the top of his list and the one he was most dreading was cleaning out our messy, disorganized garage!

I got the idea on Friday to rally our children to help me clean the garage for him.  It wasn’t easy, but I was motivated by anticipating how fun it would be to see the look on his face when he went to clean the garage on Saturday only to find it clean and in order.

When he called me during the day asking, “How’s it going?”  I simply said,  “Oh, it’s going about the same as usual!”    He had no idea of the blessing awaiting him.  I love surprising him as much as he does, and doing this only makes me want to do it more often.  Hmmm, I wonder what I can do next…

What Now? September 11, 2009

If you are like me there is a tendency to leave events like the marriage retreat feeling rejuvenated, refreshed, and excited about whatever God was speaking to you about.  The problem comes as the weeks go by and I so easily forget what I learned.  I get distracted with daily life and fail to continue to work hard on the changes I so wanted to make, or I get irritated with my husband that HE has seemingly forgotten everything HE heard.

As I contemplated what to write as the final post in our marriage retreat series, I began to think about ways that I could keep reminding myself about all I heard.  Like you have read in the past two weeks, developing a healthy marriage is not something to put on the back burner, not something to take lightly, and certainly not something to wait until the next big marriage event to get pumped up and make a few changes.

I am going to take some questions from the previous posts so that I, and you, have a very short recap of what the retreat was all about.  Of course, listening and re-listening to the messages and going over the questions with your husband during date nights are all great ways to keep the communication going.  And if you feel your husband has “forgotten” everything he learned, don’t forget you are his helpmate, so ask him some questions and keep lovingly reminding him!

The following questions are taken from previous posts, they are not anything that was handed out at the actual retreat.

1. Am I regularly being a biblical helpmate to my husband?  Pointing out the severity of his sin and the lavishness of God’s forgiveness?

2. Am I regularly encouraging my husband?  Not just expressing gratefulness, but telling him how God is at working and changing him for His Glory?  Am I sharing the evidences of grace in his life, even if he is just “shuffling” in the right direction?

3.  Do I correct my husband and allow my husband to correct me?  Am I embracing correction, or avoiding it?

4. Am I allowing myself to be childlike in my marriage? Am I being childlike in my marriage, being tossed to and fro by the waves; ruled by my emotions, easily distracted, allowing circumstances to determine my anxiety or happiness?

5.  If you are single, are you putting this instruction into practice in your relationships? Would your friends say that you encourage, correct, and help them to see and fight their sin?

I pray that I will not become lazy in my marriage and I will continue to fight the war against sin. The “mountain lion” is lurking, and at times in full attack, and I want to have my log or knife (or preferably my gun) in hand ready to go.

So what is it I do now?  Fight!!!  With all His energy!

Posted by Jaime

Preparing NOW for Marriage September 9, 2009

Speaking of “God’s Perfect Timing”…how about getting engaged the week after the Marriage Retreat?! It’s true. I am shamelessly announcing (for those who may not have heard) that in a matter of months I will be married to the love of my life – the man God has been preparing for me since the beginning of time! Besides being able to testify to His incredible faithfulness in our lives, I am extremely excited about the retreat and how soon I will be able to put into practice with David what I heard while serving on the retreat team!

To all my fellow unmarried girlies, may I encourage you to take some time to listen to these messages SOON? With marriage looming on my horizon, I am keenly aware of how inadequate I feel to be a helper to my future husband. Most likely marriage will be appearing at some point on your horizon, too. In what ways are you preparing NOW for THEN?

As I listened to the messages I found it very curious how much could already be applied to my life – even though I am not married! While our relationships with others look differently than that of a married one, we are still called by God to walk out our days pursuing biblical fellowship with other believers. This doesn’t come automatically when you become a Christian or join a church! I’ve also heard you don’t even get “zapped” with the ability to be encouraging and humble when you finally walk down the aisle! :)

So girls, let’s be honest. It’s much easier for us to get away with sin in our own lives because we don’t have the 24/7 of a husband. And it’s also easier to be lazy and uncaring when it comes to pursuing the opportunity to encourage others and help them identify where sin might be encroaching upon them like a mountain lion. Would our friends be able to say the following of us? (adapted from the Biblical Fellowship in Marriage Assessment tool handed out at the retreat)

1. She takes initiative to communicate specific encouragement and evidences of God’s grace in my life to me.
2. She takes initiative to confess her temptations and sins to me.
3. She asks for my help to see her sin and its effects on me.
4. She communicates hope in the gospel to me when I am discouraged.
5. She corrects me while appearing purposeful in her attempts to be humble and resist self-righteousness.

Wow! These are questions that we can totally be pursuing even now, girls. What becomes habit now will only serve our future spouses and families. However, if like me you haven’t been intentional about growing in this area in relationships God has graciously provided you with, you can repent and receive grace for change! As Benny said in a session on Saturday, our hope (for change) is in the Gospel – in our lives and in the lives of those around us!

Posted by Jennifer (soon-to-be Jennifer Fountain)