The Philippians 2:14 Challenge February 27, 2009

I’ve been monitoring the complain meter in my life after reading an online article about an organization leader who creatively “banned” complaining.  He issued colorful bracelets to people as a reminder to not complain about anything for 21 straight days.  When they succumbed to complaining, they had to switch the bracelet to the other arm and start the 21 day process all over.  It took him 3 1/2 months of switching his own bracelet back and forth to reach the 3-week goal.

It’s 1:30 in the afternoon and I’ve already complained twice (that I can remember!).  I began the day by oversleeping, then whined to my daughter about getting to bed too late last night.  I soon scoffed at my computer when the internet connection was too slow.  3 1/2 months to go 21 days without complaining?  I’m afraid it would take me much longer than that!

Complaining in the form of sarcasm, grumbling, whining, belly-aching or criticizing is just a way of life for many of us.  Toddlers take too long to get into their carseats.  Teens leave their rooms looking like a tornado struck.  Grocery store checkers make us walk back to the aisle to prove our item really is on sale.  Bosses give promotions to co-workers.  Inconsiderate drivers pull out in front of us.  People forget to call us back or respond to an important email.  Worship leaders choose songs we don’t like.  Vacuum cleaner belts break and cars need gas when we’re in a hurry and our kids sit on the bench while others get more playing time in the game.

What comes out of our mouths at such times is what is in our hearts. When you knock over a glass, David Powlison says, what spills out is what was already in the glass.  When we get “knocked over” by people and circumstances, the words that come out are those that were already in our thoughts and hearts. The person or situation didn’t put the complaining contents into our hearts…they just revealed what was already there.

No wonder God commanded us to “do all things without grumbling and complaining” (Phil 2:14).  James shows us how to apply this in chapter 3 of his book, telling us that “no human being can tame the tongue” (verse 8).  Only God can help us!

We at Metro Moms would like to issue the Philippians 2:14 Challenge.  (Benny and I will also be doing this with our family, but each of us can certainly do this on our own.)  Would you like to join us?  Here are the rules:

• No grumbling, complaining or critical comments about anything or anyone for 7 straight days.
• The rule applies 24/7; not just when the fam is together.
• Loving accountability is welcome, but self-righteous “spying” isn’t!
• If (or most likely when) we fail, we start the one week over.
• The first person in the fam who makes it 7 days in a row is rewarded with a special gift.  If you are doing this alone, decide on a way to bless yourself or someone else when you reach your goal.
• Anyone who gives up without reaching the goal is punished in a family agreed-upon fashion.
• If there’s a legitimate discrepancy over whether something fits into the first bullet category, the fam votes and the majority wins…without complaint from the person!

The challenge begins next Tuesday, but I’m personally trying it out over the weekend to see if I can get through even a day without complaining!   If you’d like to join us, please post a comment so we can know who is on board.  Let’s remember that putting off complaining is the first step; putting on thankfulness is an important next step.

Perhaps our idea of a way to combat complaining isn’t for you.  Ask the Lord to give you a plan — and we’d love to hear about it!

P.S.  Moms of kids who talk you may want to do this with your children.  Perhaps just start with 1 day…then add more days with rewards along the way!

Lord, only You can help me not to sin.  Left to myself I will find reason to complain about things big and small.  Please change my heart, so that the words from my mouth are both pleasing to You and helpful to others.  When there is a biblical reason to draw attention to problems or things needing to be addressed, give me grace to do so without grumbling and criticizing.  Thank you for the promise of help to those who call on You.  Amen.

Posted by Sheree

Healing for the Ungrateful Heart February 26, 2009

Ok; time to be really honest.  I don’t like some of what’s happening politically in our country.  An increasingly prevalent attitude of entitlement seems to be creeping into the fabric of our culture.   “Uncle Sam” is expected to bail us out of our financial messes; pay our mortgages; clothe our children; offset our debts; make our bosses give us a raise; and provide our healthcare.

I’m not suggesting there aren’t times for people to pool resources to help those in need.  However, the expectation that someone else will take care of me even if my circumstances are due to my own selfishness, is troubling to me.

I’ve caught myself wanting to talk back to the TV when someone appealed to President Obama to buy them a home or make sure the fast food restauarnt at which they work started paying them more money.

Then the Holy Spirit began to nudge my sinful heart.  You see, I often have the same attitude of entitlement toward God to which I have self-righteously reacted. Do you ever struggle with thoughts like:

• I’ve worked hard in the training and rearing of my children.  I deserve more gratitude from them for all my sacrifices.
• I spent hours cleaning the house today.  Didn’t anyone notice?
• I’ve worked hard all week serving others.  It’s time for me to do something just for me.
• I shouldn’t have to be so conscious of my food budget.  After all, my friends don’t have to clip coupons and go to three stores a week to shop for sales.
• Why can’t I just have a little bigger home (or second car, updated furniture or nicer vacations) like my friends?
• I’ve tried to live my single years in a way that glorifies God, so why hasn’t He blessed me with a husband?

I deserve.  Didn’t anyone notice?  It’s time for me.  I shouldn’t have to.  Why can’t I?  Why hasn’t He blessed?  Such musings spring from an ungrateful heart, don’t they?

The Lord has been gently revealing to me that I too often define for Him what I need, and then become discontent with these “needs” being left unmet.  I “need” more grateful children; a break from responsibilities; less work and more relaxation; more space in our home; more discretionary income to spend as I desire.

In His kindness and love, the Holy Spirit is faithful to convict me of the unthankful complaining that is at the root of such thoughts.  The following words from my favorite Puritan writer, Thomas Watson, have been ringing in my ears of late:

“If God does not give you that which you like, He will give you that which you need.  A physician does not so much study to please the taste of the patient, as to cure his disease.  God labours rather to heal us than humour us.  God’s dealings with His children, thought they are sharp, yet they are safe, and in order to cure.”

Healing rather than humoring.  Wow.  This realization causes gratitude to swell in my heart.  I can’t imagine the kind of person I would be if my God had humored all my selfish requests and insidious feelings of being “entitled” to things that would have allowed my diseased heart to remain infected with selfishness and pride.

Thank you, Great Physician, for curing rather than pampering me.  Thank you for NOT giving me what I deserve — eternity separated from You!  Please forgive me for my grumbling and complaining, and help me to grow in gratefulness for the many undeserved blessings from Your hand.  I’m full of wonder at the cross, where You took my place.  Because of Your death, I have hope for change!  Amen.

Posted by Sheree

Obeying…Joyfully? February 24, 2009

Mark Altrogge’s message on thankfulness was called, The Kind of Sacrifice God Desires, from Psalm 50.  His prop statement was this:  “Obedient lives and thankful hearts bring glory to Christ.”

This statement alone tugged at my heart.  I get the “obedient lives” part.  As women, our lives are full of tasks and responsibilties.  Whether married or single, with children or without, our days are full of to-do’s.  Obeying the Lord by doing is something most women understand.  In fact, many of us like lists…even lists of what to do to glorify God.   As a pastor’s wife, I regularly hear things like, “Just tell me what to do about this!” Others lament that there isn’t a “10 Ways to Get it all Done and Honor God in the Process” seminar to sign up for.  We ladies are doers, even when our doing isn’t always channeled in the right direction!

The Psalmist makes the point that obedience and “doing” — though important — aren’t the full picture.  God desires His children to obey, yes…but with thankful, joyful hearts.

My oldest granddaughter, Kayla, is 7.  One of the things I most appreciate about her is her cheerfulness.  She is always smiling, and whenever I ask her to get her baby sister a diaper, help her younger sister onto the potty, or set the table she regularly responds with a joyful, “Sure, Granma!”  Whatever I give her to eat is met with, “Granma you’re the best cook!  Thank you!”  Her Mommy, however, says she doesn’t always get these perky, grateful responses.  Though Kayla is typically obedient to her mom’s requests and loves to eat Mommy’s food, it’s often without the lilt in her voice that Granma hears.

Why is this?  Partly because Mommy is around all the time.  Familiarity in any relationship can breed passivity and result in taking the person for granted.  During Mark’s message that Sunday, and after hearing it again this week, I’m wondering if a lack of joyful, grateful obedience to the Lord in my life is like a child’s apathetic response to her parents.  Have I become overly familiar with the Lord?  Do I take His amazing love, provision, mercy and grace for granted?

I’m thrilled that Kayla loves her Granma.  But the real hero in her life is her Mommy.  She’s the one whose daily sacrifices, care, service and training is making a real difference in her life.  I want all my grandchildren to respect their mommies more than any woman in their lives…and to resist the temptation to take them for granted.

Read Psalm 50 and the breathless decription of the majestic, all powerful God that made the universe and everything in it.  Then pause at verse 14.  “Everything God tells us to do,” Mark said, ” is for our joy and benefit, not His.”

• Have you become overly familiar with this almighty God?
• Are you dutifully obeying Him, but without joy and thankfulness?
• Has fulfilling your responsibilities become routine and mechanical?
• Do you find your thoughts regularly going to what is missing in your life?

These are the questions I am asking myself these days.  For those of you whose hearts the Lord is stirring similarly, please join me.

Lord, I don’t want to take my relationship with You for granted.  Please show me any ways in which I have become too familiar with You, and help me to see if  joyless obedience has led to pockets of ungratefulness and complaining in my life.  How I love the conviction of your Spirit!  Amen.

Posted by Sheree

Cultivating Thankfulness February 23, 2009

Recently we were privileged to have Sovereign Grace Pastor and songwriter, Mark Altroggee, preach at our church.  His message on thankfulness was both encouraging and convicting.  I can too easily fall into grumbling, complaining and losing sight of the many things for which I should be grateful.

Do you find it easy to be more aware of the difficult situations you are facing than of God’s sustaining help through them?

Is your mind regularly filled with thoughts of the things you wish you had (larger home, more obedient children, deeper friendships, nicer furniture, provision of a husband/children) rather than of the things with which God has richly blessed you?

Is your speech frequently laced with complaining, whining, grumbling or self-pity?

Then join us as we share our own temptations and battles in this area!  Here is the link to Mark’s message.  We encourage you to listen (or re-listen) to it and then join us on Wednesday as we share what we are learning about cultivating thankful hearts.

Lord, I want to be a thankful person.  Open my eyes to ingratitude in my heart and help me see what it looks like in my life.  Thank you for the hope I have in the gospel to both see my need to grow and trust You for change!

Posted by Sheree

Encouragement for Those Without a Godly Husband February 20, 2009

For the past two weeks we’ve honored husbands in our church for their godly character.  We’ve all acknowledged our husbands are sinners married to sinners.  Yet, reading these posts has probably been hard for some of you. Perhaps you even stopped along the way because you just didn’t want to keep reading…

For those amazing single women who frequent our blog, perhaps you were tempted to question God’s faithfulness and love in not providing you a man.

Those of you who are married to non-Christians — or to husbands who are unwilling to demonstrate their love to you in ways you read about over these weeks — you, too, may have been tempted to resentment or bitterness over the glaring weaknesses in your marriage.

Years of unplanned singleness or marriage to a difficult man are not things we women would choose for ourselves.  Being in a church filled with couples who love each other warmly can provide vigorous temptations to those of you who are hurting and lonely — whether you are married or single.  We wanted to close this week with some thoughts for you to consider:

First, marriage to a godly man isn’t “the answer” to our needs as women.  Our greatest need is reconciliation to God through the forgiveness of sin that separated us from and sentenced us to eternity without Him.  If you are a believer, this need as been gloriously met through the sinless life and atoning death of our Savior!

Second, your life and circumstances are controlled by a good, loving and sovereign God. Knowing that God is in control would be frightening if He was not also good and loving!  Whether married or single, God has promised that our lives are being meticulously and skillfully ordered by the One who didn’t spare His only Son for our salvation.  Surely, then, He will likewise withhold nothing from us that is for our good (Romans 8:31-32).  And…God loves you.  Whenever legitimate needs in our lives are not met by others, this can remind us that there is Someone who loves us with robust, unending, lavish, unselfish and faithful love…every day for the rest of our lives.  Marriage to a godly man doesn’t mean life is easy.  Without heartfelt repentance and grace-motivated change an ungrateful teen becomes an ungrateful single becomes an ungrateful wife, no matter what her husband is like.

I wish I could sit down with those of you who have been tempted through these recent posts to share each story you’re read with you…so you could see that the evidences of God’s grace about which you have read really are just that!  Evidences of His glorious grace to change hearts over years (some few, some many) of sinners living together.

Are you lonely?  Married or single, do you long for a husband to love you?  I pray these words from 19th Century Pastor, Octavius Winslow, will comfort your heart today:

God often comforts His people by [withholding] all comfort outside Himself.  Is he bringing you, beloved, into the wilderness of separation, trouble or solitude?  You can be sure that it is to comfort you, to speak to your heart, and to reveal Himself to you as the ‘God of all comfort who comforteth us in all our tribulation.’  This God of comfort is your God.  Make the solitude through which you are traveling echo and reverberate with your shouts of joy and your songs of praise.

Oh, Lord, only You can do this!  I ask you to please comfort all those who are tempted to doubt Your love, goodness and faithfulness because they lack a godly husband.  You are their God!  The God of all comfort.  Please draw them into deeper fellowship with You during this time, and grant them the gift of repentance for any patterns of self-pity or unbelief that question Your great love for them.

Empower us all, Jesus, to trust You through the providential circumstances in our lives.  Whether married or single…having a godly husband or one who is in unwilling to grow and change…Lord, YOU are the joy and strength of our lives.  Help our lives to echo and reverberate with shouts of joy and songs of praise for Your sovereign plan for this season of our lives.  Amen.

Posted by Sheree

The Fabric of Faithfulness February 19, 2009

Today is the last two posts of honoring husbands in our church.  The first is from Shawnie about her husband of 25 years, Joe.  The second is from Lisa about, Tim, to whom she’s been married for just a few years.  As you read these testimonies from a relatively newly married wife and a seasoned wife of over 2 decades, notice both acknowledge their husbands are imperfect sinners.   Yet both are full of gratefulness to God for the gift of their man.  There is a story of grace behind both these testimonies I wish each of you could know!  Perhaps another time…

Love is a process, a progression, an unfolding.  Some of what I love about my husband, Joe, is different than what I loved about him in the beginning.  God has used and still is using our experiences together to weave our love into a fabric that reflects His faithfulness.

I love many things about Joe.  Some of these things just come naturally, like my attraction to the strength he shows as a man, his love for my “curves,” his humor, his work ethic, his bond with our four daughters, his handsome features and his relationship with his Savior.  These are some of the things God used from the beginning of our relationship to draw us together.

But, honestly, the things I have really grown to love about Joe have been cultivated by 25 years of do or die times.  I can say now that I love Joe’s trustworthiness.  It is not because Joe is trustworthy, none of us really are.  It is because God has shown Himself to be trustworthy to me through Joe, even and especially during the really tough times in our marriage.  It had to be cultivated.

I love Joe’s leadership of me and our girls.  He didn’t always lead.  God has cultivating it through years of mistakes.  I can now say that I love that Joe is faithful to me.  God has shown me His faithfulness through Joe like never before.  He cultivated that through years of arresting the unfaithfulness that was in Joe’s heart. I love Joe for keeping his vows and staying with me for better or for worse.  I know he will stay forever and I love that he wants me to stay with him too.  The vows were just words on our wedding day, but God has weaved them into truth.  I love that I find my home in Joe and he in me.  It has taken years of sharing life’s dreams, emotions, tears, losses, joys, challenges and changes for God to cultivate this kind of love I have for him.  It is a strong love that looks different than it did in the beginning and continues to grow as we become old together.

I love that God will continue to faithfully unfold my love for this man He made for me.

Written by Shawnie

Best friend and Dearest love

My husband is my best friend and dearest love.  I’ve never known anyone like him, and am so blessed to be the one he chooses to shower his love and affection on for life.  I truly feel like I got the best husband (at least for me) and am thrilled to have this opportunity to honor him.

Tim and I were friends for over a decade before we married, so I knew what a great friend he was, but I was amazed to see what kind of husband he is.  Tim is a kind, affectionate, caring husband who is so full of joy and laughter it’s hard to be in a bad mood around him.  He loves his family, and would rather be home with me (and Lucy) than doing anything else.  Tim daily models Christ to me with his patient, humble, and sacrificial love.  He has led our family through difficult decisions and the heartbreak of miscarriages. By God’s grace, we have come through everything closer, and loving one another more.

Tim would be quick to admit the areas he is lacking or struggling, and while he certainly isn’t perfect, God’s work is so evident in him.  The desires of his heart are to be pleasing and obedient to God through his actions, especially with me.  He has a heart for serving the church as well as for developing meaningful friendships.  His grounding in God’s word is such an inspiration and help to me.

As his wife, he has spoiled me in innumerable ways.  He loves to spend time with me, compliment me, buy me anything I want (if reasonable and possible).  He loves to discuss sermons together and God’s word.  He takes genuine interest in everything I’m doing or reading.  He asks tons of questions, and notices the slightest things.  He thanks me for everything I do.  Most of all, he gives me grace when I act like the sinner I am.  He doesn’t expect perfection and is quick to forgive and forget.

I am so grateful for my amazing husband and pray we’ll share many years together!

Written by Lisa

To The Moon and Back… February 18, 2009

Thank you, Julie, for this endearing testimony about your husband.  Your gratitude to and affection for him comes through loud and clear in this wonderful testimony.

I am so excited to be able to share why it is so easy to be madly in love with my husband. When I think of Bill I think of God’s faithfulness to me.

I was there the day Bill gave his life to the Lord. I was able to watch a man who loved this world turn into a man after God’s own heart! Bill has always shown great care and concern for me.  His desire to please the Lord and his respect for me allowed me to have my first kiss on our wedding day…to my husband. What a gift of God’s faithfulness!

As I think of our life now and how my husband daily points me to our Savior; I am again reminded of God’s faithfulness. Being a mom of 2 boys who are 20 months apart has not been easy. Many days I have called my husband in tears asking him to pray for me; he joyfully stops what he is doing and goes before the Lord on our behalf. How this has changed me! Bill has also stayed on the phone with me while I disciplined one of the boys; so that I am able to walk them through what is going on in their hearts and mine. His response?  “Thank you Julie for calling me and desiring to do what is right.” I could go on and on….

Thank you, Jesus, for using Bill to be a means of your faithfulness to me.  Baby, I love you to the moon and back. I know, I know — you love me to the moon and back and back to the moon.

More Today… February 17, 2009

Since our little blog began, you have regularly benefited from Taraleigh’s winsome and honest posts as a member of our blog team.  She is taking a break from consistent blogging, so this will be her last post for awhile.  Tara, thank you for living your life to glorify God.  Your compelling example of biblical femininity inspires all who know you!  (P.S.  We often use stock images for our blog, but this is an actual Valentine’s Day picture of Tara and her husband, Kyle.)

I love my husband more than I did yesterday.  More than the day I met him.  More than on our wedding day.  He is becoming a very good listener — being quicker to listen and slower to speak. He speaks truth about where he is and his struggles, and is honest even when it doesn’t put him in the best light; not  just saying something because he knows that is what he should say but also because it’s the right thing to say.  Kyle is becoming consistent with not only reading the Bible, but also delighting in and applying it to his life.  He’s also seeking to regularly help me do the same.

He displays so much joy in being a daddy ~ the way he smiles at his children, his playfulness with them, as well as his love in disciplining them. He is patient with me, even when I am sinning against him. He is thoughtful in his communication, and regularly puts my needs or desires before his own.

I love Kyle for all of these reasons — and even when these reasons aren’t as evident. You see, I married a sinner and so did he, so sometimes he fails or sins against me. But the gift of Christ’s love lights our way and informs our marriage.  By the grace of God, I married a man who is attempting to see himself as the worst sinner he knows, which inspires me to do the same.  It’s only because of the gospel — and the enormous, unending love that was shown to me at the cross — that I can love anyone, including my husband.  Oh, I am grateful that I can draw from that!

So, honey, from the bottom of my heart thank you for the way you have helped me to see and attempt to apply the gospel more clearly. I am so aware that God is at work..and can’t believe that I have the privilege of watching Him alongside YOU!  I love you!

Grace…With Skin On February 14, 2009

We’re continuing this week with tributes to our husbands.  Just a thought…We’re doing this not only to seize an opportunity to honor some godly men, but for much more.  Whenever we are able to publically honor someone, it provides us all with a reminder of the importance of noticing and communicating evidences of God’s grace in other’s lives.  Our prayer is that as you read this stories you will be gently encouraged (as we have been!) to be more aware of God working in the hearts of those we love than of the areas of weakness or sin.

Next month Benny and I will celebrate 36 years of marraige.  Over the years we have had our share of conflicts and disagreements.  We are a living example of Dave Harvey’s must-read book on marriage, When Sinners Say I Do. By God’s sanctifying grace, though, we have also enjoyed deepening love for and companionship with one another.  My heart still regularly squeezes when he walks into the room…

This is unmistakably due in large part to Benny’s understanding and application of the grace of God in our marriage.  Over the years I have learned what applying grace to relationships looks like because I live with him.  When I am tempted to be weary or discouraged over the battle with my sin, he is quick to remind me of evidences of God’s work in my heart.  When I sin against him, he is eager to sincerely forgive me.  He usually makes it easy for me to offer him correction…and when he doesn’t, he humbly responds to my pointing this out — even when I don’t do so graciously.  And his affection for God’s word and its application in my life has regularly exposed my subjective tendency to rely more on my feelings and emotions than on the objective truths that must guide my heart.

God’s grace is most amazing to me because of the Savior’s atoning sacrifice on the cross.  But the person who has most demonstrated grace to me is my Benny.  His undeserved love, patience and repeated forgiveness for nearly 4 decades has been a life changing means of God’s kindness to me.  His unwillingness to allow me to be more aware of my sin than of God’s power to change me has helped me to take more looks at the cross than at my sinfulness.

When I was a little girl going to Baptist Sunday School I was taught that Christians should relate to one another like Jesus “with skin on.”

Benny, thank you for being grace…with skin on.  I know and love the Savior more because of His work in and through you.

I love you!

Posted by Sheree