Camping Out June 30, 2008

It’s summer and the time when many families choose to go camping for their vacation. If they find a beautiful spot that is worth exploring they may choose to stay there for an extended amount of time. That’s what we’re doing here on our blog – “camping out” to explore the truths we heard from our new friend, Elyse Fitzpatrick. If you were unable to hear her speak at our ladies retreat — please, please, please take time to listen to session one right away. We will be spending this week discussing how the Lord spoke to us through her first message. Invite your friends and family to join us so that those who know you best will be on the same page in order to help you grow in this all-important area of biblical fellowship. Oh! You’ll find the messages and notes conveniently located in the right-hand corner of this blog. Let’s get started!

For me I have always had an aversion to being my sister’s keepers. Why? Because I don’t want to hurt my friends feelings. I usually give them the benefit of the doubt and choose to overlook the matter rather than “bring it up”. Knowing that this is my tendency I was greatly affected by the reality that Christ put on flesh to have fellowship with me! He was with God from everlasting to everlasting enjoying complete and total happiness with His Father, and then for reasons I’ll never understand, chose to dwell among us.

I have always known this truth, but what I never really thought about before, Elyse made very clear: “The Son is the only One in Heaven wearing flesh. This is fellowship!” When He made the decision to put on flesh it wasn’t only for the 33 years He walked on this earth, but it was forever. It cost Him greatly to have true fellowship with me. How can I refuse to embrace biblical fellowship with my sisters when Christ was willing to do this for me? As Elyse would say, “Get that!” I’m praying I will!

Posted by Debi

Faithful Wounds June 27, 2008

“Let the righteous strike me; it shall be a kindness. Let him rebuke me; it shall be as excellent oil; let my head not refuse it” (Ps. 141:5).

Proverbs 27:6 talks about the faithful “wounds” of a friend. So let’s admit it…wounds hurt. If there’s no pain, there’s no wound.

I found this out afresh recently. This post will be a little long… J

Two friends – one I had known for years and another I had just met — were enjoying a lovely dinner with me. As we chatted, my new friend and I exchanged questions about each other’s lives. In response to a comment that was made, I responded with a playfully sarcastic quip. A few minutes and more questions later, my new friend gently asked if she could “follow up” on my comment.

Gulp. This was a wise and mature woman. Additionally, she’s had lots of years of experience in biblical counseling. I suspected a can of worms had been opened by my “playful sarcasm”, so I searched my heart in that nanosecond for why I had made the comment. Forget it; God had clearly set me up. In His love and mercy He was providing an opportunity for me to welcome her questions and help. I stopped my frenzied search through my heart and gave in. “Yes, please ask away,” I heard myself say.

Many probing questions later, I asked her to share her concerns about what she was hearing. “Honestly?” “Yes, honestly.” Another gulp. “Well, I’m hearing some pretty serious self-protection and self-love,” she said with warm eyes and genuine care for my soul.

The Holy Spirit brought immediate peace that she was right. I received His faithful wound through her and it hurt. What was wounded? My pride. My love of respect and significance. My unwillingness to abandon my life to God to be used however He chooses.

As the night unfolded the wound deepened and the pain worsened. Later, during a time of worship and ministry I experienced the conviction of my sin as the Holy Spirit used her insightful questions and wise correction to expose my unbelief and pride. The tears that came were first with confession of my sin against the Savior who ransomed me and declared my life as His, not mine. But Elyse’s gospel-centered words, repeated throughout the retreat, began to fill my heart with hope: “More flawed and sinful than I realize; more loved and welcomed than I deserve.” The tears became ones of freedom, hope, comfort and relief.

This encounter with God was the fruit of questions that could have remained unasked. A remark that could have been easily overlooked. Seeming “politeness” that would have been content with superficial dinner chatter.

Are you a faithful friend? Are you willing to be used in the Redeemer’s hands to inflict loving wounds…and to receive them?

There are women like me in your life who need you. And if you don’t have these kinds of relationships, look for them. Not everyone wants biblically defined friendships. As CJ Mahaney says, “A relationship with an unbiblical purpose can do more harm than good. Relationships that exist without the biblical purpose of pursuing character development have the tendency to reinforce, rather than confront, the sin and selfishness present in us.”

Find some friends who have the courage to wound you, and who invite being wounded by you. Who won’t do you more harm than good by letting your sin go unaddressed; not out of irritation, frustration or judgment, but out of love rooted in the gospel.

I’ve been thanking the Lord for that faithful wound all week. When a dear friend who heard this story several days ago said to me, “And I need those faithful wounds from you, Sheree” I was convicted yet again. The very self-protection and self-love in my proud heart that was confronted a week ago has been hindering me from being a faithful friend! Forgive me, Lord. And forgive me, my dear friend. (You know who you are.)

Lord, please help me to make it easy to receive loving wounds from my friends. And give me wisdom, compassion and grace to be used by You to gently inflict wounds on others in response to the leading of Your Spirit. I can cultivate faithful friendships with Your help and with the gospel in full view of my wayward heart. Thank you for Your help. Amen.

Keep checking next week on more about biblical fellowship!

Posted by Sheree

Asking Questions June 26, 2008

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Christ cleanses us from all sin” (I John 1:9).

Asking questions about ourselves is a necessary first step to pursuing biblical fellowship. This prepares us for the next step: asking questions about others.

Some years ago a friend courageously pointed out to me that it seemed like I asked questions just to be polite and to appear humble. She pointed out that my questions were often “loaded” because I had basically already answered the questions in my own mind, but went on to ask them as if I was genuinely curious.

Years later one of my older children told me the same thing in response to me asking how I could most improve as a mom. “Well, I guess the thing I would say is it would help if I thought you hadn’t already decided what the answer was before you ask me questions.”

Ouch. Obviously I hadn’t listened to my friend years prior. If I had, my son wouldn’t have needed to tell me the very same thing.

The Lord graciously showed me why I hadn’t heeded her advice. I skipped an important step to asking others questions. I had neglected to start by asking questions about me: my heart, my sin patterns, things that frustrated people about me. Recently a friend asked me how she could cultivate discernment to better serve her family and friends when they asked for her counsel or input. My response was this: Start by asking the Lord and others to help you to discern your heart – your motivations, sin patterns, idolatry, and inclinations. Practicing on yourself will not only help you to grow in godliness, but will protect you from the self-righteousness and critical judgment that too often colors our discernment of others.”

This was a lesson learned the hard way for me…and one I am still working on with God’s help.

As we grow in what the Puritans call “healthy self-suspicion” of our own hearts we can seek to help others with probing and insightful questions like:

• What one area of temptation or sin in your life do you most desire prayer?

• What do you think the Bible would call that weakness or flaw you’ve just described?

• So what does that sin (self-pity, anger, fear of man, selfishness) currently look like in your life?

When we consider walking in the light with God and others – and as we grow in learning to ask helpful and discerning questions of those we love – let’s consider these words from J.I. Packer:

“There is tremendous relief in knowing that [God’s] love to me [my husband, friends and family] is utterly realistic; based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me; so that no discovery now can disillusion him, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench his determination to bless me.” (Oh, read that again along with me.)

Yes…what glorious relief!

Lord, help me to apply this wonderful truth to my own sins and the sins of those with whom I desire to grow in biblical fellowship. Amen.

Posted by Sheree

Put On Humility June 25, 2008

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Christ cleanses us from all sin” (I John 1:9).

Luke 2:41-50 is the story of young Jesus being left behind in Jerusalem by his unknowing parents following the Passover feast.  When Mary and Joseph found him, he was sitting among the teachers “listening to them and asking questions.” 

Many years ago I heard a message I haven’t forgotten on humility.  Being humble was a new concept to me.  Sadly, it’s still too often one that I don’t adequately ponder, never mind pursue as I should.  In this message the pastor said that one of the most effective ways to pursue humility is to ask questions.

Why?  Because proud people:

• Think they know more than those they are with.

• Enjoy hearing themselves talk more than hearing from others.

• Are quick to give advice rather than ask questions.

• Trust their discernment…about others and themselves.

• Don’t feel the need to ask questions.  Why do that when I’ve already got the answers?

Jesus, the all-knowing, sinless Son of God asked questions of those He had created.  They were teachers who were daily instructing others in truths He had known long before they were born.  He asked even though He already knew the answers.

So how much more should we ask questions?  We know only what He shows us.  And we are especially blind and undiscerning about ourselves; our hearts; our sins; the way our sins offend and hurt others; and even our gifts and strengths.

The remedy for self-deception lies first in our personal pursuit of the One who made us, and then in our pursuit of those He has hand picked to help us get to know ourselves.

Do you want to grow in humility?  Do you desire to walk in the light with your God?  Your husband?  Your friends and family?  Start asking questions…begin with information you need about yourself.  Here are 3 questions to get you started.

1.       Over the past year, what one recurring thing in me has caused you the most concern?
2.       From your perspective, what sin in my heart would you suggest is the cause of this pattern you’ve observed?
3.       As I seek to put off (mortify) this sin, what Christlike quality would you suggest I “put on” (vivify)?

Jesus, I want to be like You.  Please help me to bear Your image of the meek and humble servant by learning to ask questions.  I want to grow!  I want to change!  Thank you for the people You have providentially put around me to help me to see patterns of weakness and sin that hinder me from being like You.  Give my husband, friends and family grace to be honest with me; and give me eyes to see myself as they do.  Thank you for also giving me the power to change; to mortify my sin and to vivify Your holy life! 

Posted by Sheree

Time for Application June 24, 2008

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Christ cleanses us from all sin” (I John 1:9).

       Now that we have settled some foundational issues about biblical fellowship, let’s move to the application: what does change look like?
We are image-bearers of the One who said, “Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness” (Gen 2:26, emphasis mine). The one who created light and walks in “unapproachable light” (I Tim 6:16) calls us to “walk in the light as he is in the light.” How do we walk in the light? Let’s consider a few ways:

• Resisting the temptation to hide things about ourselves we’d rather keep in the darkness.

• Making ourselves known to others: especially when we are most tempted to protect ourselves and our reputation.

• Confessing our temptations, flaws, weaknesses and sins.

• Inviting the observations, correction and counsel of others.

Something we all loved about the retreat last weekend was Elyse’s willingness to humbly admit her weakness and sin. And she did so without misplaced shame or reputation-consciousness. Now you might be thinking, “But then she left! We may never see her again. It’s a lot harder to do that with people you see all the time!”

Maybe so. But the people we see all the time are the ones who know us best and love us most…and with whom we are most responsible to walk in the light.

Remember the analogy Elyse used about the ice breaker game for parties when the name of a famous person is placed on your back? Everyone else can see it but you. And you have to ask lots of questions to figure out “who” you are. Our sin is like that name on our back. It’s usually visible to everyone but us. The only way we can truly get to know ourselves is to be in fellowship with others – honest, mature Christians who will answer our “who in the world am I?” questions.

This doesn’t mean everything they believe or say about us is true. Occasionally we receive unjust observations or self-righteous criticism. Even then there can often be truth to be found. And more often than not, the answers to our questions are given by people who love us and want us to grow; and who see us more clearly than we see ourselves.

“Answers to our questions?” Hmm….that means we have to ask them…more about that tomorrow.

Lord, please help me to walk in the light as You do. Bring me out of the darkness of my propensity to hide my sin; to project an image; to want others to think well of me. Thank you for the cross where You declared me not guilty of my sin, including the arrogant self-protection of not wanting people to know the “real” me. Help me to remember that the real me is now adorned in the robes of Your sinless, righteous, perfectly obedient life! How can that be? There’s nothing to hide! No image but Yours to project! What relief! Thank You.

Posted by Sheree

What Does Change Look Like? June 23, 2008

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Christ cleanses us from all sin” (I John 1:9). 

As you know, this was the theme of our ladies retreat.  During this past week I’ve had numerous conversations and emails about how life-changing Elyse’s messages were.  But people keep asking the question:  “So, what should change look like in my relationships now?”  This recurring question has been a reminder to me of how blessed I am to be surrounded by women who desire to change.  Women who love truth and want to apply it!  This is no small evidence of God’s grace!

So I’ll be spending this week attempting to respond to your question – What does change look like?  Before we get into any specifics, I wanted to offer a few reminders:

First, the Holy Spirit is the One who defines and produces change.  The gospel is the only hope for change in our lives.  So anything you read here is just a suggestion.  Change may look differently in your life than in mine…or in your friend or homegroup leader’s wife or sister. 

Second, our theme verse (above) teaches us that the primary source of our fellowship is with God Himself.  Elyse intentionally and consistently pointed us back to the source of all our joy…our Savior.  Only as we walk in fellowship with Him can we enjoy fellowship with others.

Third, if you are married, your primary human relationship is with your husband.  Like me, it’s important that you battle the temptation to elevate friendships and communication with other moms over fellowship with your husband.  Even if your husband isn’t eager for biblical fellowship, isn’t a believer, or doesn’t share your desire for growth in this area, God, in His sovereignty brought you together.  The first place He desires to help you and me to apply the truths we learned last weekend is with our husband.  This may take time, perseverance and faith.  But our husband is His choice as the primary object of our friendship, love and fellowship.

Fourth, our pursuit of biblical fellowship should be with other women.  This doesn’t mean a level of fellowship can’t happen in group settings where men are present, or in relationships between couples.  Even in situations when men are present, though, our focus should remain on other women.  It is potentially dangerous to allow or pursue a depth of heart to heart disclosure (regular confession of personal sin, drawing out heart issues, empathetic listening, etc) with a man other than our husband.  Over the years, I have known or counseled women who tragically found themselves lusting after a man, or being the object of the lust of another, because of the inappropriate pursuit of fellowship that seemed innocent.  This can often be because she “feels more comfortable talking with men” or has “always gotten along better with guys.”  Ladies, let’s not fool ourselves. Heart to heart conversation builds closeness; closeness that should be between a woman and her husband or a woman and her girl friend, not a woman and another man.

Lord, thank you that we have hope for change.  Please show us over these next weeks what changes YOU desire to bring into our lives.  And thank you for Your indwelling Spirit.  You will complete the work You’ve begun in us because of the gospel!  Amen.

Posted by Sheree

The Answer To Every Question… June 20, 2008

I, too, was very affected by Elyse Fitzpatrick at the retreat. I am still trying to sort through all the wonderful truth that I heard this weekend, but one thing stands out above all else to me. The forward in her new book, “Because He Loves Me” sums up how I feel much better than I could say myself.  Jody Hogan wrote this after hearing Elyse’s messages, “I saw with undisputed clarity that the gospel message is in fact the answer to every problem situation and sin. I, of course, knew this in my head for many years, but God made it an absolute reality in my heart at that minute….the Lord illuminated my heart to the power of the gospel through Elyse’s message that day…finally understanding, the answer to every question, problem, and sin-the g-o-s-p-e-l, the g-o-s-p-e-l, the g-o-s-p-e-l.” These words could be mine for this is truly how I feel.

I do believe that God has opened my eyes to see the Gospel in my daily life in a brand new way. Among many of the things Elyse shared was about our response to our sin. She stated that even my sin glorifies God and sin is a good thing for my soul. She used Luke 22:32 “But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” Jesus knew that Peter would sin, repent and strengthen his brothers. His sin helped him to achieve the latter good. In the same way when I sin, it reminds me that I am a sinner and helps to kill my pride. I am able to see that I am not as great as I think I am. I have known that my sin leads me to Jesus and shows me my need for Him. Yet, this was one step further than that-the one extra step which I so desperately need-the Gospel. I cannot stop at seeing my need for Jesus, I must continue on to the Cross. I must remember that He died and bled for my sin. If my sin brings my heart and mind to the Cross then I am honoring my God. If it only keeps the focus still on me and my sin then I am not honoring Him. This is how I can preach the Gospel to myself every day, for surely I sin everyday.

Lord, thank You for your illumination. I pray that my sin and all that I do will bring me to Your Cross. Please keep my eyes on You and not myself. Sin will always be constant in my life, so let me be a daily reminder to me of all You did for me. Keep my focus on the gospel, let it permeate everything in my life.  Amen.

Posted by Elyse

Interest in Others June 19, 2008

During the conference, Elyse made a comment that has stuck with me. I don’t even remember it being something that she spent a lot of time on, but it was something that stood out.

It was regarding being interested in others. I think it is safe to say we have all been in conversations with others (husband, children, friends or acquaintances) where the topic may not be one of our interest. But WHY should we take interest? Because Christ took interest in us – even when we hated Him! So being interested in others is a way of reflecting Christ’s love. I am not sure that I had thought of it quite like that before.

I am already seeing the need to apply this in my life. I pray that the Lord will help me honor Him in this way…

Posted by Stephanie.

One Thing… June 18, 2008

At the close of our retreat I encouraged our ladies to prayerfully consider one thing the Lord would have us focus on for application and change. Yes, just one thing. Why? What about the mental list of things we now realize needs to change after listening to Elyse’s inspiring and convicting messages? One thing…because we’re finite. As moms, we have a hard enough time remembering to go back and finish cleaning the bathroom we just left to answer the phone or clean up the mess a toddler just made. (Yes, that’s happening in my home again as grandchildren come and go. I love it!)

In our pride we too often elevate our ability to apply what we’ve learned. Even one thing can be forgotten in the flurry of life’s daily demands! How often have you gone to homegroup on Wednesday and had to be reminded of the topic of last Sunday’s message? Reminded of what you responded to a ministry time you thought you’d never forget? I have sat through “life changing” messages only to find my notes from it years later and have no memory of even being there! (That’s not to say we have to remember it all. God changes us when we don’t even know it, much less remember it. What mercy!)

We are needy and dependent. Without the help of the Holy Spirit we will forget this past weekend…well, except for that outfit Becky wore in the skit.  As we heard this past Sunday in Danny’s inspiring MESSAGE on the importance of application of truth in our lives, we are responsible as Christians to do our part in the sanctification process. As Jerry Bridges aptly said, no pursuit of sanctification [growth in godliness] is possible without “personal, vigorous effort anchored in the grace of God.” We bring only our sin to our justification, which is a work of God and Him alone. But we are called and graced by God to cooperate with our sanctification.

So remember my assignment to you this week; Consider the one thing and then talk with one person about it. Choose a person who will be a “sister’s keeper” – someone faithful and courageous who will ask you about your one thing and, if needed, lovingly point out when you forget it or stubbornly refuse to do it.

Don’t forget Elyse’s words about our condition: more sinful and flawed than we realize…more loved and welcomed than we deserve. (More on that in some future posts.) You and I are sinful and flawed, and need the power of the Spirit to change. But we are loved and welcomed by the One who took our place on the cross and has already declared us not guilty of the one thing we will talk to our friend about this week.

And all the countless other vile sins we have committed.

What a Savior.

Posted by Sheree

The Eyelash June 17, 2008

I had the same problem Debi did this weekend –I couldn’t take notes fast enough. It seemed like almost everything Elyse said was quotable and as I would rush to jot down what she said invariably she would say something else I had to write down! I am looking forward to listening to the messages again and picking up anything that I missed the first time around.

There was one illustration that she gave to go along with the passage from Matthew 7:1-5 that all I had to write down was the word “eyelash.” It was about when her son who has gorgeous long eyelashes would come running to her when he got an eyelash in his eye. She would ever so gently touch with the very tip of her finger the eyelash and it would come out. She compared that with when we are pointing out someone else’s “speck” in their eye that we need to be just as gentle. Whoa! So many times I can see that speck so clearly, and I am ready to go for it with everything I have! That’s not what is needed! No, I must be gentle and not occupied with myself ~To restore my sister in the spirit of gentleness is what I am called to do. It is a mission, but not MY mission. Elyse reminded us that we are only His “means.” I am just beginning to unpack what this looks like with not only my sister’s in Christ but my children and husband.

Oh, Lord I was truly amazed this weekend! To understand more fully how You view me and how You “keep” me. May that truth and the understanding of Your love and forgiveness inform how I interact with others. You loved me so that I could love. Forgave me so that I could forgive. Lavished me with mercy so that I could turn and do the same. Thank You for igniting my passion for Your word and to know You more. Oh, I am praying that I will never be the same! In Your name I pray, Amen!

Posted by Taraleigh