The Joy of Being a Mom! July 31, 2007

Today we cover the fourth benefit of a biblical perspective on the brevity of life from Psalm 90: we can experience ongoing joy and gladness!  Remember, Moses is an old man reflecting on how quickly his life is passing away.  In verse 14 he says, "…that we may rejoice and be glad all our days."  Understanding how brief life is can protect us as mothers from the very self-pity and whining that we address in our children!

Consider the forebearance and patience of Moses, who led an estimated one million people for 40 years of repeated rebellion, idolatry, complaining and discontent.  And, yes, he had his share of sinful reactions, including one angry outburst that disqualified him from taking the people all the way into the Promised Land.  Yet at the end of his life he was able to speak of lifelong joy and gladness. How could that be?  He had come to understand that life was too brief to be spent not enjoying the blessings of God even during difficult times.

Here are some questions to consider as we humbly assess our hearts as mothers:

• Do I allow the demands of motherhood to rob me of the sheer joy and fun of having children?
• What sin patterns in my life communicate verbally or non-verbally to my children that they are a bother and a nuisance rather than a blessing?
• When is the last time my children heard me laugh out loud at something they did?
• Would my husband and close friends describe me as a "joyful mother of children" (Ps 113:9)? Hmm….perhaps this is a good time to ask them.

Moses is saying to us, "You can be joyful and glad not just when everything is going your way.  If you understand how fleeting your life is, you can experience joy for all your days."  Because of remaining sin in our hearts, we will always battle wrong reactions to our children.  But the question is, are we battling them or just giving in to them?

Just think about it:  God opened our wombs and caused the miracle of conception to take place.  Or, as with Benny and me, one or more of your children may have come through the incredible providence of God through adoption. With so many women facing infertility and aching to have a baby, God has blessed US with a child/children to love and nurture.  He calls these children a blessing, a reward and an assignment.  When we are tempted to lack joy in motherhood, the Holy Spirit is there to convict us of our sin and to empower us to quickly change our perspective and choose to be GLAD we are moms!

P.S.  To my dear Jaime, thank you for your example of godly motherhood and for embracing the shock of baby number 4 in just 6 years with such faith.  God has truly made you into a joyful mother of children!

Lord, thank you for giving me my children!  Just stopping to consider what a gift they are causes me to see how often I drift from the simple joys of motherhood into time-wasting sin. Help me to laugh at them — to find joy in them — and to not allow the often exhausting responsibilities of caring for and training them to overshadow the incredible privilege of being a mom.  Thank you for the simple reminder that my children are a reward from You!

Posted by Sheree

Dealing Biblically with Sin July 30, 2007

This week we continue our "Motherhood and the Brevity of Life" series from Psalm 90.  (If you’re just joining us, please scroll down to get caught up from last week.) In verse 8 we read, "You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence."  In this verse we find a third benefit we can experience from embracing a biblical perspective on using our time wisely:  grace-motivated desire to deal with our sins against our children.

Moms who understand that life is brief are motivated to live with a clear conscience.  They understand that no sin is hidden from our all-knowing God who sees every sinful attitude or action, including our sins against our children.

An example of this would be maternal anger.  What is God’s view? "…man’s anger never produces the righteous life that God desires" (James 1:20).  When our children sin, especially repeatedly, our anger feels justified.  "If you had just put your toys away the first time I asked you…If you hadn’t wet your pants again…If you would just stop whining and complaining about everything…If you’d just start sleeping more…I wouldn’t get so angry!"  And sometimes there seems to be positive results from our sinful anger (i.e. our yelling, harshness, frustration).  After all, an angry mother often gets the attention and obedience of her children!  But their "obedience" is often simply an anxiety-driven reaction to our wrath rather than a submissive response to our authority. Angry mothers train their children to obey externally while bitterness often slowly festers in the hearts of their little ones.  Sometimes it’s not until adolescence that the time bomb that has been growing unseen in the heart of the child blows up — causing much heartache, guilt and sorrow to Mom.

Anger is usually obvious.  But what about those "secret" sins against our children that we can often hide — self-pity, resentment, ungratefulness, or envy of friends with "obedient" children?  These sins may not be plain to others, or even to us!, but they are clearly visible to the One who desires to forgive and cleanse us (see Dan 2:22, Job 10:14, Jer 16:17, Ecce 12:14, Luke 12:2, I Cor 4:5).

Moms, we must remember that a seared conscience (one that no longer experiences conviction of a sin because of the pervasiveness of it) or a guilty conscience (one that has been convicted but refuses to repent) prevents us from enjoying the freedom and blessing of a clear conscience.  Like Paul, we want to be able to say,“I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man” (Acts 24:16).

We have too few years with our children to continue to sin against them in the same ways over and over, year after year.  God has richly provided a way of escape for us!  On the cross Jesus paid for every past, present and future sin.  His resurrection proved that His death was the acceptable sacrifice, and that we can now have victory over sin.  Do you struggle with anger toward your children?  Are you bitter toward them for demanding so much of your time and energy or for not responding to your training and correction?  Are you selfishly inconsistent with disciplining them because of laziness or maternal irresponsibility?  Do you have a child who is particularly difficult to love, and with whom you struggle regularly with resentment or impatience? 

There is hope!  The cross provides a remedy for sin.  Because of the wrath-bearing sacrifice of our sinless Savior you can be changed by His empowering and sanctifying grace.  Anger, bitterness, resentment, impatience and selfishness can be mortified (put to death!) with God’s help.   And you can become the consistently gentle, patient, diligent, unselfish and loving mother you long to be.  How?  Because you wake up tomorrow morning and try harder only to fail again by noon?  No!  Because you take your sin seriously, repent of it before a holy God, confess it to others for their help and accountability, and then regularly cry out to God to help you to change.

What hope!  What joy!  We can change because Jesus died and rose from the grave!  And the very same Spirit who was there to raise the Savior from the dead lives in us!

Lord Jesus, thank you for reminding me that my anger and impatience aren’t the fault of my children or because of how I was raised or due to my circumstances.  I am a sinner in need of repentance.  Please do forgive me for my sinful reactions to my children.  I come boldly today to Your throne of grace and acknowledge that my life is short and my time with my children is even shorter.  I don’t want to squander these years away in anger, selfishness and impatience.  Please change my heart and help me to put my sin to death for the good of my children and for Your glory!  Amen.

Posted by Sheree

A Little Boy’s Time-Saving Idea! July 27, 2007

Ok, I grew up as a Pharmacist’s daughter, so this one made me laugh out loud!!  However, be assured that I’m not going to share with you my most embarrassing moment while working at the pharmacy.  There are some things better left in the past!

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter.  The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are  you?"

"Eight," the boy  replies.

The man  continues, "Do you know what these are used for?"

"Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike.  Right now he can’t do either one."

Posted by Debi

Avoiding a “Time Wasters” Mentality July 26, 2007

The second benefit we derive from a biblical perspective on numbering our days (i.e. the brevity of life) is this:  it prevents us from the deception of a "time wasters" mentality (vs 4-6).

What does it mean to "waste" time?  It means to squander, fritter away, misuse or throw away.  We’ve already talked about time being costly.  It’s something that is spent and that can’t be recovered.  Would you knowingly throw away a 20-dollar bill?  Of course not!  Then why are we willing to throw away our time?

An understandable question is this: does a right understanding of numbering our days lead to being overly intense?  Unable to relax and enjoy life?  A legalistic and fretful attitude that resists fun?  It certainly doesn’t have to!  Even the most ardent and productive Christians enjoy and see the need for recreation and plain ‘ol fun!  It’s especially important for the mom of young children to see the importance of another game of Candy Land, regular outings to the park or library, AND time out of the home enjoying the company and fellowship of your husband and your friends.

But what does a biblical perspective on numbering our days provide for us as mothers?  It motivates us to give ourselves to something of eternal value: skillfully and wisely training our children.  Ladies, the fact is biblical mothering is hard work.  There’s just no way around it.  Those who are too tired or too distracted or too lazy to "strive with all [God's] energy" (see Colossians 1:29) to excel in the training, teaching and discipline of children are likely to suffer the potentially heartbreaking consequences later.   

Charles Spurgeon said, "A short life should be wisely spent.  We have not enough time at our disposal to justify us misspending it at all. Neither are we sure enough of life to justify procrastinating….If we were wise in heart we should see this, but mere head wisdom will not guide us aright."

What might maternal procrastination look like?

• I’m so tired; I just can’t get up and discipline that child right now.  Besides, that sinful attitude will come back later and then I’ll deal with it.
• I know I need to get some help with my anger toward my children; I’ll bring it up at next month’s moms meeting/homegroup/ladies accountability meeting.
• My daughter is only five.  I know she still interrupts alot but I’m working on some other things right now…well…I can’t really remember what they are but…
• My husband really wants me to start addressing that in the kids but he just doesn’t understand.  I’m tired; my life is full just taking care of the kids and the house; he just doesn’t understand how stressed I am.
• My kids are still really young, we have lots of time to deal with their sin and character issues.
• Sure, my kids are disrespectful and have self-control issues.  Don’t all kids their age?  We’ll get to those things…

Lord, help me to spend my time wisely.  Please forgive me for blaming my full life for procrastinating and wasting time.  You are Sovereign!  You have providentially given me the child(ren) of Your choice, with their and my temptations and sin patterns!  Please alert me to what time wasting specifically looks like in my life during this season and help me to repent of the sinful attitudes that result in putting off things that will negatively affect our family in the future.  I trust you to help me.  Thank you for your empowering grace and presence in my life that gives me hope for change!  Amen.

A Biblical Perspective on Numbering our Days July 25, 2007

Moses had a handle on something I want to better understand.  He understood that life is brief.  In Psalm 90 (did you read it yesterday?  If not, take a few minutes to do so now and keep your Bible nearby) he speaks of life as a dream, as fading and withering grass that is "soon gone."  Was his perspective morbid?  Certainly not.  He had learned that life is short and that the wise person sees the need to "number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom" (verse 12).

When I had young children life didn’t seem short.  In fact, on some days just the hours between naps and bedtime seemed like forever!  And those hours when I was up in the night with a fussy baby?  The seconds ticked by with exhausting slowness.  Moms of little ones often feel like time has stopped, NOT that it is rushing quickly by.

Then your baby is suddenly 6 and having her first day of school.  You watch your son learn to ride a 2 wheeler and think, "wasn’t he just a baby yesterday?" Your toddler is…oh, is it true?…she’s about to turn 13!! (My youngest is becoming a teenager in late August — how can this be?  Wasn’t she just in her stroller wearing a cute pink headband in her dark curls?) In the midst of the long days and nights of motherhood, the Lord gives us glimpses into just how quickly time passes, even when we thought it was standing still.

We need to learn from Moses.  Didn’t those long, scorchingly hot days in the desert pass slowly to him?  Didn’t the incessant complaining of the people God had miraculously delivered from slavery wear on him year after year?  Yet he had learned something very important.  Life is short and how we use our limited days matter.

What does a biblical perspective on numbering our days do for us?  At least 6 things, one of which we’ll cover today and the rest in subsequent posts:  A biblical perspective on the brevity of life protects us from self-effort. Those who know that life is short realize there is way too much to be done to think we can possibly do it on our own.

• Moses isn’t advocating a fearful, hand-wringing attitude.  By beginning with his praise-filled declaration in verses 1-2 he lays the critical foundation of trust, security and faith in God!
• Fear will produce anxiety-driven efforts rooted in self-reliance (i.e. an unbiblical "My children’s growth and training is all up to ME!" way of thinking).
• Prayerlessness can be the result.  (See our recent posts on praying for our children if you haven’t already.)  Pride leads to self-effort while humility leads to prayer.  Moses cried out to God to be his "teacher" (vs 12).  If he possessed such humility after decades of knowing and being used by God, how much more should we!
• God is the one who "establishes the work of our hands" for us.  Biblical childrearing is hard work!  What we do DOES matter.  But the fruit of our love, training, teaching and discipline are up to the maker and changer of our children’s hearts.

Lord, please help me to see my days as numbered by You.  When I look at my children today, give me eyes to see how they are growing and changing…and let this be a reminder to me that time is passing.  Help me to gain a heart of wisdom and to not wish today’s hours away, but to enjoy each moment.  Convict me of the anger, irritation, selfishness and pride that cause me to be self-sufficient and to rest on my efforts rather than on Yours.  Thank you for the cross that promises me the help and grace I need TODAY to wisely use the hours I will have with these little ones.

Posted by Sheree

Counting the Hours July 24, 2007

For a few days we’ll be talking about the brevity of life.  Think about it: we have been given a limited number of days on this earth — the rest will be spent eternally worshiping our Savior! If we live until age 75, that means we’ve been alloted about 675,000 hours in our lifetime.  If we sleep an average of 7 hours a night (I know some of you young moms would LOVE to have 7 hours of sleep!) this decreases our awake hours to 483,375. Over 30 years of motherhood — that is, if you have about 4 children 2 years or so apart — that means about 160,000 hours of our lives will be spent caring for, serving, training, cooking and cleaning for, and loving on our children for the 18+ years they are under our direct supervision. 

But how many of those hours are actually spent teaching and training them?  Imparting truths from God’s word to them?  Having heart to heart discussions with them about their sin and ongoing need for a Savior?  So much of our time with our children is focused on work, not relationship.  It’s scary to think of how few hours we moms have with our children to really train the next generation. 

Over the next 7 days you will spend about 100 of those waking hours with your small children.  What will you do with them?  How will you spend those hours?  (Have you ever thought of the word "spend" being used for time?  We "spend" money…but also time.  Time is valuable.  It’s costly.)  When those 100 hours are spent, just like the money you spend at the grocery store or the mall, they’ll be gone.  What will you have in return for what you’ve spent?

In preparation for the next several days, please take some time to read one of my very favorite chapters in scripture:  Psalm 90.  Then also take a look at Isaiah 40, especially verses 6-8; 12-15; and 21-22. Psalm 90 was written by Moses — a man who knew God intimately and had given his life to leading His people through perilous, miraculous and unthinkable situations.  One who had been a wanderer in the desert for 80 years and who understood that life is short. As you read, think about what this man accomplished and the miracles He witnessed.  Think about how he spent his hours on earth.  And then consider your life:  how many hours do you have left to spend teaching, training and imparting God’s grace to your children?  None of us know.  They could be much fewer than we think.

Check back in tomorrow when we’ll look at how these verses can impact our lives as moms.

Posted by Sheree

Let’s Talk about Time July 23, 2007

Time.  One dictionary defines it as "a limited period or interval."  We talk of time limits, time periods, the passage of time, and time constraints.  All these refer to something that has boundaries.  Time isn’t limitless.  It passes.  It will take you about 300 seconds to read this post.  300 seconds you will never have again in your entire life.  300 seconds you could have spent doing something else.

What we do with our limited time matters.  One thing Benny and I talk regularly about — and challenge our children with is — everything we say "yes" to means we’re saying "no" to alot of other things.  A simple illustration would be this: When I say yes to folding the laundry I say no to checking my email, sweeping the front porch, running a quick errand, or a host of other potential choices. Similarly, when our children request permission to see a new movie with a group of friends, they need to consider what they’re saying no to: homework, hang out time with the family, reading another chapter in their current book, finally getting that closet organized, a spontaneous conversation with Dad that no one knew to anticipate, or any number of other possible uses of that 2 hours. 

Just thinking "if I choose to do this I am choosing not to do a bunch of that’s" makes our choices a little more weighty. 

For the next couple of weeks we at Metro Moms are going to talk about time.  This week and possibly into the next, I will be talking about how the brevity of life applies to motherhood.  Then our team will follow with personal stories about how viewing the few years they have with little ones affects how they live.   We pray you will be inspired, encouraged, convicted and challenged. 

Lord, you have numbered our days.  Our time is limited.  And so often we feel there’s just not enough time to do all that needs to be done.  Please speak to us about this subject and help us to glorify You with how we use the limited time You have provided for us.  Life is brief.  There are so many choices for us in how we use our time.  Lord, we invite You to challenge, convict and help us.  Come Wonderful Counselor!  We need your help.

Posted by Sheree

A Prayer for “Strength” July 20, 2007

With the focus this week on prayer, we thought you would enjoy hearing a funny story about a young child’s prayer.  They say the funniest, most unexpected things!!!  Have a great weekend!

We were visiting my grandparents a couple summers ago.  Caleb had been waiting for his turn to pray for a meal – something he really enjoyed doing.  (Also, as a note, he was really into sword fighting at the time.) So we bowed our heads, and this was his prayer…

"Dear Jesus, thank You for the food, bless it, make it good for our bodies, help it to make us strong…(dramatic pause)…so we can FIGHT!  In Jesus’ name, Amen!"

Laughter erupted from the table.  It was quite a memorable moment!

Posted by Stephanie

Bedtime Prayer July 19, 2007

Lord, I thank You for this day.  Thank You for always providing for all of our needs; we are grateful.  Please watch over my boys as they sleep – mentally, physically, and spiritually.  Please grant them the gift of sleep and give them sweet dreams.
I thank You that I have the privilege of training my boys in Your ways, Lord.  I pray that they would love You with all of their heart, mind, soul, and strength.  Please help them to put off foolish ways and to walk in wisdom.  I pray that they will become godly, young men who love serving You and walking in Your ways.  Thank You for loving us and for forgiving our sins.  Thank You that You will be faithful to make us more like Jesus.

Bless them with every spiritual blessing, I pray in Jesus’ Name; Amen.

Prayer by Michelle

A Prayer for My Children from Psalm 139 July 18, 2007

O Lord, you have searched them and you know them.  You know when they sit and when they rise; you perceive their thoughts from afar;  You discern their going out and their lying down; you are familiar with all their ways.  Before a word is on their tongue you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem them in-behind and before; you have laid your hand upon them.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.  Where can they go from your Spirit?  Where can they flee from your presence?  If they go up to the heavens, you are there; if they make their bed in the depths, you are there.  If they rise on the wings of the dawn, if they settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide them; your right hand will hold them fast.  If they say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me."  Even the darkness will not be dark to them; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 

For you created their inmost being; you knit them together in my womb.  I praise you because they are fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.  I know that full well.  Their frame was not hidden from you when they were made in the secret place.  When they were woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw their unformed bodies.  All the days ordained for them were written in your book before one of them came to be.  How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!  How vast is the sum of them, they would outnumber the grains of sand……

Search them, O God, and know their hearts; test them and know their anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in them, and lead them in the way everlasting.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Prayer by Elyse