Why Require Unregenerate Children to Act Like They’re Good? January 13, 2010

My choice for one of my favorite blog posts of 2009 was found here and is by John Piper.  Make sure you read the end of a list of “let us” things to do for our children.  This is an amazing read!  Enjoy!

If mere external conformity to God’s commands (like don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t kill) is hypocritical and spiritually defective, then why should parents require obedience from their unregenerate children?

Won’t this simply confirm them in unspiritual religious conformity, hypocritical patterns of life, and legalistic moralism?

Here are at least three reasons why Christian parents should require their small children (regenerate or unregenerate) to behave in ways that conform externally to God’s revealed will.

I say “small children” because as a child gets older, there are certain external conformities to God’s revealed will that should be required and others that should not. It seems to me, for example, while parents should require drug-free, respectful decency from a 15-year-old, it would do little good to require an unbelieving and indifferent 15-year-old to read his Bible every day. But it would be wise to require that of a 6-year-old, while doing all we can to help him enjoy it and see the benefit in it.

So the following points are reasons why we should require smaller children to behave in ways that conform at least externally to God’s word.

1) For children, external, unspiritual conformity to God’s commanded patterns of behavior is better than external, unspiritual non-conformity to those patterns of behavior.

A respectful and mannerly 5-year-old unbeliever is better for the world than a more authentic defiant, disrespectful, ill-mannered, unbelieving bully. The family, the friendships, the church, and the world in general will be thankful for parents that restrain the egocentric impulses of their children and confirm in them every impulse toward courtesy and kindness and respect.

2) Requiring obedience from children in conformity with God’s will confronts them with the meaning of sin in relation to God, the nature of their own depravity, and their need for inner transformation by the power of grace through the gospel of Christ.

There comes a point where the “law” dawns on the child. That is, he realizes that God (not just his parents) requires a certain way of life from him and that he does not like some of it, and that he cannot do all of it.

At this crisis moment, the good news of Christ’s dying for our sins becomes all important. Will the child settle into a moralistic effort the rest of his life, trying to win the acceptance and love of God? Or will he hear and believe that God’s acceptance and forgiveness and love are free gifts—and receive this God in Christ as the supreme treasure of his life?

The child will have a hard time grasping the meaning of the cross if parents have not required of him behaviors, some of which he dislikes, and none of which he can do perfectly.

Christ lived and died to provide for us the righteousness we need (but cannot perform) and to endure for us the punishment we deserve (but cannot endure). If parents do not require external righteousness and apply measures of punishment, the categories of the cross will be difficult for a child to grasp.

3) The marks of devotion, civility, and manners (“please,” “thank you,” and good eye contact) are habits that, God willing, are filled later with grace and become more helpful ways of blessing others and expressing a humble heart.

No parents have the luxury of teaching their child nothing while they wait for his regeneration. If we are not requiring obedience, we are confirming defiance. If we are not inculcating manners, we are training in boorishness. If we are not developing the disciplines of prayer and Bible-listening, we are solidifying the sense that prayerlessness and Biblelessness are normal.

Inculcated good habits may later become formalistic legalism. Inculcated insolence, rudeness, and irreligion will likely become worldly decadence. But by God’s grace, and saturated with prayer, good habits may be filled with the life of the Spirit by faith. But the patterns of insolence and rudeness and irreligion will be hard to undo.

Caution. Here we are only answering one question: Why should parents require submissive behaviors of children when they may be unregenerate rebels at heart? Of course that is not all Christian parents should do.

Let there be much spontaneous celebration verbally of every hopeful sign of life and goodness in our children.

Let us forgive them often and be longsuffering.

Let us serve them and not use them.

Let us lavish them with joyful participation in their interests.

Let us model for them the joy of knowing and submitting to the Lord Jesus.

Let us apologize often when we fall short of our own Father’s requirements.

Let us pray for them without ceasing.

Let us saturate them with the word of God from the moment they are in the womb (the uterus is not sound proof).

Let us involve them in happy ministry experiences and show them it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Let them see us sing to the King.

Let us teach them relentlessly the meaning of the gospel in the hope that God will open their eyes and make them alive. It happens through the gospel (1 Peter 1:22-25).

Still seeking to grow in my role as a father (of our family and our church),

Pastor John

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org

Posted by Jaime

A Simple Gift in the Midst of Suffering January 11, 2010

A  dear friend of mine sent me this post last May from FamilyLife MomBlog.  After I read it I began to follow FamilyLife and the blog by the author of this post Rebecca (Barbara Rainey’s daughter) going way back in her posts to get her full story.  Her life bore many similarities to mine, especially in the losses of her children  and the way the Lord was leading her and comforting her in her grief.  The following post was a reminder to me to be thankful for all the Lord has given me.  Even though I have experienced the loss, I still need the reminders in my day to day life when the momentary circumstances seem to overwhelm me.  God has been so good to me, in the brief times He allowed me to mother some of my children and these extended seasons He has abundantly blessed me.  I pray this will be helpful to you to look at all He has given and not what may have been taken away, regardless of the season or trials which you face at this time.

http://www.familylifemomblog.com/2009/05/children-are-a-blessing.html FamilyLife MomBlog

http://rebeccacooks.blogspot.com/2009/05/simple-gift-in-midst-of-our-suffering.html Rebecca Cooks

Posted by Elyse

Project 52: Date Nights January 6, 2010

I have happened upon a blog titled “Simply Modern Moms”.   They suggested making a weekly date night their goal for 2010.  It is a worthy one and quite  simple – to have one night a week from 9p – 10p where they purpose to focus on each other without the distraction of children.  They reiterate that it must be creative, cheap, at home and not repeated within the month.  Each spouse takes one month at a time and the goal is to do this for 52 weeks!

My husband and I esteem highly the importance of pursuing each other on a regular basis – weekly date nights have worked for us.  This led us to start a blog allowing us to share ideas and inspiration for cultivating your relationship as husband and wife.  There will be a day when there will be no more pitter pattering of little feet (or arguing in the bedroom) throughout your home.  It will be here before you know it, and we want to help provide motivation to keep the home fires burning, so when the children are gone your love will not have grown cold.

We’ve decided to start our own Project 52 challenge.  If you would like to grow in the area of romancing your husband, then visit The Romantic Vineyard and sign up for this year long goal.  It’s sure to be a worthwhile challenge, and it will most likely be fun too!

Posted by Debi

Our Favorite Blog Posts of 2009 January 4, 2010

For this week and next we at Metro Moms are going to choose one of our favorite blog posts from 2009 to share with you.  Some of our choices may be from our blog, while others will be from blogs we frequent regularly.  I’m starting with a post by Carolyn Mahaney from over at Girl Talk. She wisely articulates my own burden (better than I could!) for you young moms who have many potential distractions to the preoccupying task of training your children.  If you’re not a young mom yourself, perhaps you could share these important words with mom with young children.  (And the reason why I love this post is that it’s also helpful for older moms…like me.)

“Mothers are responsible to mold and shape lives; to raise children who, in the words of G.K. Chesterton, “require not so much to be taught anything as everything.”

“I might as well be at the controls of a moon shot,” reflected one mom, “the mission is so grave and vast.” And so it is. The training and discipline of our children in the fear the Lord is an awesome task, demanding of our full attention (see Deut 6:5-9).

That’s why, if there’s one concern I have for this generation of mothers, it is the potential for distraction.

Blogs, facebook, twitter and texting allow moms at home to stay connected with the outside world like never before; the Internet makes it possible for women to contribute skills and gifts to the church and the marketplace, while at home with their children. These are all tremendous blessings, and when used wisely, can bless and serve our families and glorify God.

The Proverbs 31 women, long before the Internet, managed a wide range of tasks for the good of her family and community. (But did you notice what time she woke up each morning?)  Depending on a woman’s capacity, gifting, personal discipline, as well as the ages and number of children, there may certainly be room for other things.

But we must be watchful that these “other things” don’t distract us from our primary task of mothering.  We must walk carefully through this season, with all its opportunities, and make the best use of our time with our children.

Truth is, we can’t effectively train our children on the side. We can’t discipline them here and there. We can’t teach when we’ve got a free moment. We can’t mother intermittently.

Inconsistent training is ineffective training.

If we are distracted by projects or pleasure, we may miss valuable teaching moments, opportunities to encourage, disobedience that requires discipline, or a chance to show affection. These moments, once lost, are gone forever.

So ladies, may I encourage you, as I do my own daughters, to give training and discipline your first and full attention. Walk carefully, and keep your eyes on the mothering road.”

Thank you, Carolyn

Posted by Sheree