Why I Love my Children’s Friends February 24, 2010

I was thinking yesterday about how much I love my children’s friends.

It all started with Andy and Joe.  As toddler friends of my oldest son, Josh, they invaded my home and heart.  Through years of sleepovers, birthday parties, spontaneous visits to see what I was cooking for dinner and wolfed-down boxes of donuts they taught me the importance of knowing and loving my kid’s friends.

Last weekend Julia asked me to take her and two friends to Mt. Dora (if you’re local and haven’t been there, you gotta go).  We had lunch and looked in little shops and had yummy ice cream.  I came home last night to find my three at-home kids and a couple of  friends lounging in the family room playing cards and watching tv.  Next week while Benny and I enjoy an anniversary get-a-way two of Jake’s friends will keep him company to eat frozen stuff, unless Ian decides to do some cooking.  (That’s Jake with Ian, Tobin and other friends of his I’ve come to love…what delightful young men they are!)

Why is it important to know and enjoy our children’s friends?  Because then they’ll want to hang at our house!  For various reasons, my house wasn’t the “hang out” when I was a teenager.  My parent’s didn’t really know my friends so when I told them things about them (usually good things, even if I wasn’t being honest) Dad and Mom believed me.  They had no reason not to.  My friends didn’t know my parents, so they were unaware that some of my activities weren’t parent-approved.  My life at home was separate from my life outside home.  Not a good thing.

If you’re the mom of young children, start preparing your heart and home now for your kid’s friends.  Enlarge your heart.  Warmly greet their friends.  Make your loving presence known when they’re playing.  Keep them closeby rather than allowing them to regularly run off unsupervised to their room or the back yard.  Wisely guide your children to friends whose parents have a similar presence in their children’s lives.

And as their teen years approach, plan to bake and cook and make sure snacks are in the house.  Food is one of the best ways to make your home teen friendly. Over the years we’ve purchased ping pong tables and dart boards and Madden Football and board games of every kind.  Up north we added a basketball slab to our back yard and in Florida we designed and, with the help of amazing friends, built a cost-efficient pool that allows our sports-loving kids to play water volleyball and basketball.  But nothing matters as much as having frozen burgers on hand for last-minute grilling, pre-made cookie dough in the frig, and extra bags of chips and sweet tea “just in case.”

Cuz sometimes all that turns into, “Hey, Mrs. P, can we talk?”  There are also greetings and hugs and smiles from all those who come and go through my house.  I will cry at their weddings and rejoice when they have babies.  My life has been enriched by the noise and fun of having so many of them around.  And I’ve been sanctified by having to clean up after them when they rushed out without realizing someone was going to have to deal with the mess.  Over 3 decades of Andy and Joe, Mel and Megan, David, Erika, Julie and Lindsay and Ariel…and all of Jake’s loud and hungry friends around…I’ve come to see that the messes and sleep loss due to spontaneous late-night movies or PVB and hefty grocery bills are worth it all.

Speaking of groceries, I’m off to Costco to buy stuff for Jake, Ian and Tobin’s week.  (Tobin, I promise no pasta…it’s frozen pizzas for you!)

Posted by Sheree

Confessing “I Don’t Want To Confess!” October 14, 2009

What is it about confessing my weaknesses and inabilities to do something I can normally do feels like I’m crying “Uncle!” – like I’m quitting? throwing in the towel?

I’m normally very happy to be really busy, even exhausted at times, as long as what I’m doing is worth while.    I even enjoy having many things on my plate at once – call me crazy, I know – but it’s true; that is until now!  You see for the past…I don’t even know how many…weeks/months I’ve had my first ever bout with tendinitis in my right arm.  It has made the simplest tasks extremely painful, if not completely impossible to do.   Did I mention I’m right-handed?  Thus my dilemma. Even typing has become a major challenge, and most likely a huge source of the problem to begin with, another issue I’m going to have to think about!

In contemplating what to confess considering my exhaustion…it’s quite clear!  I’m a self-sufficient and independent Wife/Mom/Nana who likes to do things the way she likes to do them WHEN she wants to do them.

But God has orchestrated this very busy time in my life to be lived with what could be a stumbling block.  I’m assured it won’t be if I will simply humble myself, confess my sin, acknowledge my limitations and ask for help! It isn’t easy to type left-handed, but I must if I want to get better.  It isn’t easy resisting the urge pick up my two-year old granddaughters when they say, “Hold you, Nana!” , but I must.

It’s really a challenge to ask for help with things I know I can do – but that is simply another manifestation of the ever growing vine of pride in my life!  Seeing it as sin, and confessing it to you and my Savior brings me great comfort for therein lies my hope!  The gospel of grace frees me from the obligation to keep sinning.  Instead I can actually thank God for my weakness because He will supply the strength I lack…hey, that sounds very familiar…Paul declared in 2 Corinthians exactly what my heart needs to hear:

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Certainly I am in no way comparing my tiny pain to what Paul faced, but God has used this in my life to reveal yet another layer of pride and self-sufficiency.  For this I am grateful!  I will have to work on the “boasting gladly in my weakness” part, as well as the “content with my weakness” part. The most amusing thing about this post?  I wasn’t sure what I needed to confess when I started typing…But God knew all along and led me to the Truth I needed to hear.  

Father, thank you for using a very familiar passage of scripture to open my eyes to see my need to confess fresh sin.  It is no surprise to You that this what I needed, and You didn’t have to reveal it to me.  But You did!  Thank You.  Please forgive me for my pride and self-sufficiency.  I have nothing to be proud of, and I’m certainly not self-sufficient.  I need You, and in this season of life I need others to help me as well.  Thank You for forgiveness of sin – my sin!  By it I am truly free!  In Jesus’ precious name, Amen!

Posted by Debi

What’s Fickle About Fatigue? October 12, 2009

What is it about fatigue that is so fickle?

As I write this post, I’m tired.  I’ve been busy for several days planning and preparing.  Meal planning and grocery shopping.  Running errands and getting prescription refills.  Writing up the kid’s weekly schedule and going over their plans for the week.  Scrubbing the bathroom and washing my sheets.  But the fatigue is welcome and hasn’t been a burden at all.  Why?  Because the work that’s made me tired has been preparing for a week at the beach alone with my Benny.

In a few hours we’ll be leaving.  I’ll have 6 whole days with him to myself.  While my body is weak, my heart is full of joy and anticipation.  I even had a hard time sleeping last night (common for women my age) but still woke up with renewed energy to finish the preparations…and I even have a spring in my step this morning.

I remember this happening when I was in high school.  I was up till the middle of the night studying for an exam.  Yet after only a few hours sleep I woke up eager to dress and leave.  Why?  My normal battles with not wanting to get out of bed so early were offset by having a cute new outfit to wear that day.  And, honestly, there was a guy I hoped would notice it.

In my life, fatigue is fickle when I don’t consider the heart issues that sometimes affect my exhaustion.  I simply allow what my heart is saying to affect how my body is feeling.

• I feel more tired when I’m cleaning if I’m feeling sorry for myself because my efforts are seemingly unappreciated…and the kitchen will just need cleaning again in a few hours.
• I battle fatigue more after a “short” night when what’s on my task list for the day is normal life stuff rather than a “fun” day including lunch with a friend or something special I’ve been anticipating.
• Exhaustion feels weightier to me when my heart is troubled by anxieties about the kids or lingering sinful attitudes following a conflict with Benny.

So this is my confession:  I allow my heart to make me feel more tired.

Fatigue is real.  Our bodies are weak.  We need adequate rest and sleep to function properly.  Our physical limitations are a reminder that we are dependent.  Unlike the One who “never slumbers nor sleeps” we are frail.  We need rest.  This humbles us, doesn’t it?  We can’t just keep working and cleaning and serving and doing without stopping to rest. So while there are times we just need to stop what we’re doing and take a nap, there are other times when we need to evaluate if our hearts are influencing our weariness.

Today I’m not “feeling” my weariness because my heart is light and cheery.  Isn’t it amazing that our hearts can affect the way our minds influence our bodies?  I’m sure once I get to the beach this afternoon the tiredness might set it.  But then I’ll have a week to “recover” from my hard work.

Hmm….then, like Jaime, I’ll probably wake up my first morning back home tired after all my relaxing, lounging and having fun.  But won’t that be mostly because I just don’t want to be back into normal life as a mother and homemaker?

Fatigue can be fickle, weighing on me one day but not the next, depending on what’s facing me on a particular day or week.

Speaking of that…I have more work to do before I leave this afternoon!  But before I go, would it serve you to consider what’s facing you this week?  Maybe it’s not a week at the beach with your husband.  It’s probably more of what you did last week:  cleaning, training, getting up every morning to leave for work, cooking, serving, wiping, hugging…. But if your heart is light and cheery as you do what God has called you to this week, perhaps you won’t “feel” your fatigue as much.

Whether we’re walking on the beach or taking another load of laundry to the washer, we can have a spring in our step because we’re doing God’s will.  His plan for me this week probably looks different than yours.  But both of us are pleasing Him.

Someone please remind me of this next Monday when I’m back at home doing laundry like you.

Posted by Sheree

P.S.  A note to the wonderful singles who frequent our blog.  Just know that when we post about things related to marriage and motherhood, we’re thinking about you.  Thank you for continuing to visit even though much of what we say doesn’t apply specifically to your life right now…and can surface sadness over what isn’t happening.  Your commitment to learn and apply the truths you read here humbles and inspires us.  We married ladies want to be like you.

Confessions of an Exhausted…Bride-to-be October 9, 2009

::yawn:: These days it seems I am just so…::yawn::…tired. It’s about all I can do to pull myself out of bed each morning. And then (after realizing what time it is) rush to make myself presentable (again!), frantically grab a cup of coffee to gulp down on the way to work, try to listen to and actually concentrate on worship music or a message instead of running through my task list or looking at a bridal magazine at stop lights, arrive at work, forward all those super exciting emails from friends who are so enthusiastically rejoicing with me to my home address so I’m not distracted at work, make a bunch of phone calls over lunch (did the shop order the CORRECT bridal gown or not?!?!), rush to a cake design appointment, check out a department store’s registry, race to a meeting with the jeweler for wedding bands, grab a quick bite with my future hubby (best part of the day), show up late at Home Group, arrive home and open my email – only to find it FLOODED and screaming for my attention (scheduling myriads of appointments, decision-making, bridesmaid dress options, etc, etc), finally fall asleep at 1:30 a.m. …Did I mention this was yesterday? 

It’s really amazing – as incredibly fun as it is to be planning MY wedding, I am regularly exhausted and overwhelmed as I try to balance work, a wedding task list, a relationship…not to mention the desire to keep up with my friends and serving in the church! I want to do it all! I want to do my job really well, plan a gorgeous wedding, spend time with my amazing fiancé WITHOUT talking about wedding details, be there for my friends to watch their precious children (or take them a meal, or catch up with them)! But I can’t.

This new season has required me to evaluate my priorities and lay some things down. Saying “no” has always been challenging for me, but with each new season the Lord leads me into I am learning the importance of guarding my priorities. Being engaged will only last for a time – but then it will be on to lots and lots of other exhausting (but incredible!) seasons like balancing work, a home AND a husband; having small children; having large children (oh the drama I was!); having no children at home but lots and lots of grandbabies! I can’t wait and am very much looking forward to all of those seasons and the pure joy that each one provides (as God intended!)…but how am I learning NOW to be careful THEN? How am I battling pride and self-sufficiency during this season? 

One way I am working to do this is by asking what the Lord’s “task list” might be for me in this current season. Am I willing to evaluate MY task list and pare away the things that are not so important so I can fulfill the duties the Lord has truly called me to at this time? Am I willing to lay down things that I want to do or things that seem so incredibly urgent to me in order to make time to have a lengthy discussion (rather than a rushed and hurried one) with David about the pre-marital assignments? 

Honestly? Many times I am not – thus the exhaustion. However, when I DO choose to lay those things down, I find there is SO much grace for the things He has called me to do! When I am walking humbly in my weakness and not in self-sufficiency, His strength is magnified and there is freedom in knowing He is sovereignly at work!!

Well, I’m off to work – a task the Lord HAS called me to and one that I am looking forward to fulfilling with the strength He has provided for this day!

Posted by Jennifer

Confessions of an Exhausted Mother October 7, 2009

I just returned from a wonderful trip with my husband.  PJ found an amazing deal and took me on a cruise for my 30th birthday. Although the trip was relaxing and fun, I was not prepared for how I would feel when I got home!

It is amazing what you can quickly get used to in just one week away.  I got used to quiet, people serving me left and right, choosing whether I would rather sit by the pool and tan or just take a nap, not having to cook, and having no time constraints.  I also did not miss my cell phone or email.

I came home to my kids, who I did miss, and after seeing them and realizing how loud four children actually are, decided it was time to get back on that boat! There is no easing back into motherhood after a wonderful getaway.  There was laundry to be done, school to be planned, butts to be wiped, and a house to be cleaned.  Food was not going to show up on my table and the dishes certainly were not going to be taken away and cleaned for me.

I called PJ the next morning to tell him I was so frustrated at how overwhelmed and tired I was.  There was so much to be done and caught up on, but I also had four hyper kids who missed their mommy and wanted my undivided attention.  PJ wisely told me to calm down, stop worrying about the duties to be done, and enjoy the children who just wanted to be with their mommy.  He said to just focus on playing with them and enjoying them for the day.  School could wait another day, dinner could be sandwiches, and the laundry would certainly patiently wait for me tomorrow.  He helped me to realize that the most important thing I could do was to have fun with the kids and make sure they got some extra special time with the mommy they missed so much.

I still feel tired from all of the nothing I did for a week on the boat.  I still think longingly about how someone else made my bed for the week, but I am also glad to be back home and back doing what I love to do the most.  Being a wife, mom, teacher, sister, maid, chef etc. etc.

I know some of you are thinking, “Why in the world are you complaining about fatigue from a cruise!”  Compared to what others are dealing with, it could seem a little ridiculous.  The reality is, whether you are in a stage of life where fatigue is from work, a newborn, toddlers, teenagers, or a awesome, long overdue, trip with your husband, there is always going to seem like a reason to feel exhausted and overwhelmed.  So don’t worry if some things don’t get done.  Like my mom said in a previous post, take a nap, or sit around a huge pile of laundry and play Battleship with your kids, and feed them peanut butter for dinner.  I promise they will not remember the sandwich you made for dinner, or miss the nice, healthy dinners they usually get, but they certainly will remember the smiling, happy mommy who played tackle football out front with them.

Posted by Jaime

Confessions of an Exhausted Mother October 5, 2009

We’ve had one of the weeks where everything happens all at once, and there is nothing you can do but continue moving forward.  In the past four days  we’ve attended a three day conference, had a late night dinner with friends we haven’t been with in years, took part in a six hour event with my husband’s business followed by a business dinner, attended a wonderful Sunday worship celebration, helped some friends face some difficult challenges in their marriage and had a wonderfully emotional date night with my husband attending the live, farewell performance of Topol in Fiddler On The Roof. On top of all this we painted our bedroom which brought mass disarray to a room that is usually in order.

I admit it – I’m exhausted!  In fact it is nearly midnight on Sunday night and this is the first chance I’ve had to sit at the computer to post.  How ironic that I’m posting about being exhausted when in fact I am at this moment!  God loves to give us fresh perspective.

Sheree and I decided this morning to start this series titled, Confessions of an Exhausted Mother.  I was curious as to the meaning of this word.  Webster’s 1828 Dictionary (one we highly recommend) defines Exhaust as – to use or expend the whole by exertion. Surprisingly as I opened the dictionary  it just so happened that the red rose I had pressed from my Dad’s funeral was on the same page.  The Lord was showing me how much I am dependent on His help in all things!  I am not as self-sufficient as I like to think I am.  I am not able to continue going and doing.  My body wears out, and I must collapse in order to regain strength.  That is until the day He calls me home. My Dad has found the peace I so often crave.  I will never be finished expending my whole self for the benefit of others until the day I die.

There are days when I’m busy, but I’m happy because I’m doing what I want to do.  Days like these don’t exhaust me because the activity brings me pleasure.  Then there are days when I would rather be doing anything than what I have to do – these are the days I find the most challenging!  Why?  Because not only is the task not enjoyable, but  my grumbling heart reminds me 24/7 of all the reasons I shouldn’t have to do it.

This is the moment when what I need most is God’s Word to speak into my tired heart.  Philippians 2 says:

12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

14 Do all things without grumbling or questioning, 15 that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16 holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. 17 Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. 18 Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me.

So, today as you are poured out once again for the benefit of others, remember it is God who is at work in YOU for HIS good pleasure!  Now I’m going to bed!  Good night!

Posted by Debi