Friendship August 28, 2009

Today ends our series on friendship.  Next week we will be starting a series on marriage as a follow-up to this weekends marriage retreat, (Adorning the Gospel), at Metro Life Church .

I will end this week by posting a few meaningful, or just funny, quotes about friendship.

“A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.”
~ Jerome Cummings

“A friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be somewhere else.”
~ Anonymous

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for
that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy.
Let’s face it, friends make life a lot more fun. ~ Charles R. Swindoll

One who looks for a friend without faults will have none.
~ Hasidic Saying

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”~ C.S. Lewis

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to life him up.”     Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Posted by Jaime

By Example August 24, 2009

I am blessed to have many good friends whom I admire and respect.  Just being around them challenges and motivates me to change for the better.  They probably don’t even realize the effect they’ve had on my life because I haven’t been the best encourager.  So, I’m thrilled for the opportunity here and now to hold their example up to you in the hopes that you will be motivated to follow their lead as I have.  They actually help me to put my best foot forward!

First, Ann Roberts is a friend who is disciplined like no one else I know.  She has consistently buffeted her body – literally – in order to stay strong and energetic.  Yet one would never know of her tireless devotion to running and exercising because she is humble – another trait I admire and seek to grasp from her example.  On her 50th birthday she ran so well she broke her previous time for the mile.  Amazing!  Thank you, Ann, for being my friend and for helping me grow in these strengths God has given you.  Thank you most of all for the way you lay your life down for others in humility and respect.  You are a gift of God to me!

Secondly, I would like to honor Bonnie Anderson.  What I love most about her is her ability to “laugh at the future” and anything else for that matter.  She makes me happy whenever I’m around her – and she laughs at my jokes!!!  That’s a sign of a true friend.  Another trait I so respect about her is the way she cares for her home.  She is an excellent homemaker, and I’ve never seen her house disheveled or out of order.  I have often asked her how she does it.  Her timely advice to me?  “At night before I go to bed I put my home in order – picking up anything that is out of place.  I even straighten the pillows and throws on the couch making my home ready for the next day. ” She has never made me feel judged for my lack in this area, but by her example I have purposed to be more like her.  Thank you, Bonnie.  Your example influences me every day!

Thirdly, I would like to honor Sheree Phillips.  She is my devoted friend – not just to me, but to God.  I love watching her love the Savior, and I love her passion for the Gospel and her pursuit of  growth in godliness.  She has motivated me to love Him more.  I never tire of thanking her for asking me the hard questions, even when I don’t want to think that hard.  Her example keeps me from giving in to the temptation to be lazy and self-sufficient (although, I am and I do way more than I want!)  Thank you, Sheree, for living a life of devotion that is worthy to be followed.  I also love the way she loves and serves her family.  She cares for her home and makes them her priority over all else.  I want to be this way for my home and family.

Lastly, I would like to honor Melodye Jones.  For all of my married life she has been a few years ahead of me teaching me by example how to love my husband.  I have learned much of what it means to be a godly wife by watching her love and respect Danny.  She doesn’t talk about it as much as she lives it – although I have seen her grow immensely in the area of sharing her wisdom through the gift of teaching.  Thank you, Mel, for loving Danny; you validate God’s call on his life.  I’ve told you often that I have no idea where I would be today if it weren’t for you and the influence your example has had on my life.

These are only four of the many women God has placed in my life to help me grow in ways I couldn’t left to myself.

Friends – what a treasure I have.  Who are the friends of influence God has placed in your life?  Have you thanked them recently?  I encourage you to write that note or make that phone call now.  Encouragement builds up the body of Christ, and helps us to continually pursue putting our best foot forward for God’s glory!

Posted by Debi

Sisters August 17, 2009

I have 6 siblings.  Being the second born, I did not only feel like a sister to some of them, but at times like a second mom.  Some of my brothers and sisters were easy to be friends with and close to but others were a little more difficult.  One of the “difficult” relationships was with my sister Janelle.

Janelle and I are 7 years apart.  When she was born I had three brothers, so to this day I specifically remember the night mom and dad told me I was going to finally have a sister.  I was extremely excited and could not wait for her to be born.  What I did not think about is the consequences of having a sister.  I would have to share a room, share my dolls, and have a little girl following me around wanting to be with me and my friends!  Although I loved Janelle dearly, the older she got the more difficult it became to become the close friends I had always dreamed I would have with a sister.

I got married when Janelle was 11.  I did not live at home during her teenage years and feel like I missed out on a lot of things with her.  I did try to be in her life as much as possible.  I coached her in basketball from the time she was 9 through when she graduated highschool.  She has babysat my kids over and over, been there for Kayla and Wyatt’s birth (and would have been for Annie and Danae if my labors were not so quick!), and been around to help through newborn and colic stages.  Despite all of our normal sisterly difficulties, I am so grateful that God protected our relationship.

Over the years Janelle has been an example to me in so many ways.  Mainly her faith, love for the lost, and love and loyalty to her church and family. If there is anything you ever need to be encouraged or prayed for, ask Janelle!  You not only will know she will actually pray, but have a level of faith that I at least at times lack.

Second, Janelle’s love for the lost inspires me because it is something I am lacking and want to grow in.  She loves to evangelize and has worked in Alpha (and now the Conversation) and made going to the abortion clinic in Orlando a priority for years.  Her love for people inspires me!

Finally her love and loyalty to her family.  Even during her years at nursing school, I never felt that Janelle let the relationship with me or my children slide for a while.  Although school was an obvious priority, family and the church were always the most important thing in her life.  She was able to keep what was important in front of her and also do an incredible job at school (and pass her RN test on the first try!).

Missy, thank you so much for being my friend. Thank you for loving me when it was hard to love me, loving my kids like you are their second mom, and loving my husband like a brother. I do not communicate enough how much I appreciate your friendship or how much I appreciate you. I am so grateful that God gave me not only a sister, but also a friend.

I am also so grateful you are not nearly as annoying as you were when we shared a room and broke all the legs to my Breyer horses  :-)

Through the Eyes of a Child August 14, 2009

Just the other day, my 7 year old daughter had one of her best friends over to play.  I thought they had a great time until I found my daughter crying her eyes out after her friend had left.  After much questioning and probing I finally got to what I believe was the crux of her heartbreak…………….Her friend did not like her stuffed animals.  What?  My first thoughts were- this is ridiculous, get over it.  They are not real.  But as she continued to sob, even questioning whether she would need to give up her friendship because of this difference of opinion, I began to see something much more important.

What she needed was not to “get over it,” but instead to resolve the issue with her friend, to make peace and glorify the Lord.  That may seem like a lot to ask of a 7 year old.  However, oh how I wish someone had begun to teach it to me while I was still young.  Maybe then I would have learned sooner.  I sadly realized how much like my daughter I am.  In the past, when I have had a conflict with a friend, how ready have I been to just end the friendship instead of doing the much harder work of resolving the issue.  In my pride, I believe that I am right, which is more important than my friendship.  I have allowed my ”feelings being hurt” to  justify my sinful responses and I chose to make such bad choices.  I might have been correct and maybe even my friend deliberately sinned against me (probably not).  Looking at it now though, I can see how foolish I have acted, even more-so than my child who was offended because of a stuffed animal she loved.   Loving my friend and resolving the conflict needs to be my first response instead of just an afterthought.  Then, hopefully, prayerfully I can teach my children these things and they can look at my life and see an example of a peacemaker instead of one who loves self more.

My Secret Garden August 12, 2009

I’ll never forget the season, at least I pray I don’t.  It was one of those times in my life when everything changed – not the circumstances, but the way I interpreted them.  God opened the window of my heart allowing me to see my sin of pride clearly and intensely.  It was not a pretty sight; in fact I wanted to slam that window shut!  But God…(I love this phrase in Scripture for it holds the Truth I so desperately need to hear!)  was intent on one thing – setting me free from my secret garden.

The Lord led me to write down the many evidences of pride He was so clearly showing me.  It spanned decades – many details I had never told anyone, much less admitted to my conscious self.  After writing the horrible details down…He told me to share them with my husband!  What?!?  And WHY would I want to expose myself in such a way?  The answer is one simple word – freedom!  God was about the business of setting me free from this besetting sin.  The enemy along with my own sin had walled my  heart in like a secret, overgrown garden that was in dire need of cultivation.  The work required the help of others – my husband was first and my girlfriends gladly joined in the project — ME!

A few months after this revelation, when I thought I was doing great at this “mortification of sin” thing (do you see pride? I should have, but I didn’t!) I had the opportunity to share my testimony with a roomful of women – many of whom were friends.  I was excited and nervous.  How does a proud person share about killing pride in a humble way?  It seemed an impossible task, so I wrote my testimony down and read my script, not trusting my flesh to freely share.  The Lord helped me to share honestly, and I thought it went pretty well.

I wasn’t prepared for the real reason God had me do this…a dear friend came up to me with tears in her eyes telling me she was so happy that I finally saw my sin!  She admitted she had been avoiding me for a while because my pride kept her at a distance.  It was a repellent to our friendship, and I had no idea.

To be honest, my response to her honesty wasn’t God glorifying!  Gratefully, the Lord helped me thank her for sharing with me, and our friendship was restored.  But I cried all the way home!  I was not expecting someone to agree with the observations I had made about myself.  I was filled with a mixture of self-pity, remorse, indignation and true sorrow. This is when God began clarifying a very helpful word picture for me.  He said my heart was like a Secret Garden that I had completely walled in.  It had become overgrown with the climbing weed of Pride.  It had obscured everything and was choking the life out of all other plants.  God wanted me to open the gate and invite others in to help me till the hardened soil of my heart in order for new life to spring forth!  He then, sealed this picture forever in my mind when He showed me Christ being the first to take this thorny vine of pride from my garden and place it on His head as He hung on the Cross for MY sin.  It was for this sin that Christ had to die – and he did so willingly out of love for me and my freedom from sin!

I wish I could tell you that I am completely free and I no longer need the input of others, but that won’t happen until I’m glorified.  By God’s grace I keep the gate to my “no longer secret” garden open, encouraging friends to come and help me as needed.  But I still fight the tendency to hide.  I need my friends to not only help me weed my garden, but to help me keep the gate wide open.  This is why God gave us friends – for our holiness and growth in godliness!

I’ve discovered gardens are meant to be shared with others, even if the observations aren’t what’s expected, it’s what I need most.  And you know what? Fellowship is sweeter seated with a friend in my garden who remembers what it once looked like and still desires to share a cup of tea with me – amazing!

Posted by Debi

Encouraging Our Friends August 10, 2009

We all need it. In fact, it’s really hard to live without it. I know how disheartened I can become when there is a shortage in my life. I’ve been exhorted in Scripture to not be stingy with it…and yet so often, I know I am. I’m talking about encouragement. 

Isn’t it funny how often we can see a “theme” running through our lives? Personally, the Lord has been taking me through weeks of focusing on what it means to encourage others, put others first, extend grace, etc. There are posts and posts worth just in those few areas but we’ll stick with “encouraging others” today.

If you missed Benny Phillips’ message on Sunday, take some time and head over here to listen to it really quick. (Trust me – you’ll be glad you did!) Going into the weekend, I had no idea that Benny would be spotlighting the value of encouragement from Hebrews 10:19-25! In the midst of all the Lord had been doing in my own heart, Benny laid out some great points to consider in seeking to encourage others. He challenged us to be bold, specific, sincere, prepared and a student of people. Hmm…

How often am I vague and general, rather than specific, in my encouragement for my friend? Do I say things to flatter her? Or to encourage? Am I asking the Lord to show me things with which I can encourage my friends? Am I aggressive in looking for ways to be encouraging? And for what reasons do I hold back from encouraging a girlfriend?

These questions have been so helpful for me to consider this week! The Lord has been faithful to provide the grace for change already…and you know what? It’s been fun! Through encouraging others, the Lord has increased my faith, given me joy in Him and even caused me to trust Him more! Amazing what a little encouragement will do!

Are Friendships Really Worth the Work? August 7, 2009

Over the years I have had many friends.  Some have come and gone and some have lasted for almost my whole life.  I have also made new friends over the years, but it has not always been easy. I have also not made it the priority I should during many years of my life.

I grew up in the same area until I was in my 20′s.  Most of my friends were the ones I had had from a young age.  I took them for granted and did not pursue biblical fellowship like I should have. Once I moved to Florida, I assumed that new friendships would come easy.  I am a very likable person you know. Who would not want to be my friend?

Needless to say it was not as easy as I thought.  Especially when I thought that people should be pursuing me and I could sit back and wait for friendships to just happen. They did not just happen, and instead of doing the hard work myself, I decided to give up.  I did not think I was missing out on much, and for quite a few years, focused on my college work and my toddler.

What I did not realize is what I was missing out on.  I was not opening up my life to anyone. There was no one there to see me sin and correct me, to see me do well and encourage me, and no one that I was opening up my life to.  (except my mom of course, but she will always be my very best friend!)  I did not realize until years later how important all of those things are.

Friendships are hard work.  Sometimes I am the one doing most of the work in a certain friendship and sometimes someone else is doing most of the work in our friendship.  Friendships seem so wonderful when everything just flows easily, but like everything else, there are different seasons, and at some points you really have to work at them!

Is it worth the work?  Yes. It should be at least.  God has designed His church to work in relationships.  I have grown so much more since I have taken the time and effort to have biblical relationships.  I need people in my life to see who I really am.  People that will correct me, cry with me, listen to me, rejoice with me, encourage me, forgive me, and love me.

This does not always come easy, and at times, does not seem worth the time and effort. I still don’t have numerous friends.  I still can be lazy in my friendships and not pursue them like I should, but thankfully God is continually changing my heart. I am incredibly grateful for the really great friends who have stuck it out with me and have helped me to grow. Those kinds of friends are definitely work the work!

Posted by Jaime

“Ah ha” Moments on Forgiving my Friends August 5, 2009

In recent years has been a series of “ah ha!” moments in my life.  You know, those times when the light bulb just seems to click on.   You hear something over and over — and even think you understand — but then, “Ah ha!  Oh, now I get it!”

By nature I am a critical and fault-finding person.  I have had to repent much and work hard with God’s help to grow in encouraging others.  One of the manifestations of prideful criticism in my life as a friend has been holding others sins against them…sometimes for years.  My friend Trisha knows what I mean.  Years ago she asked my forgiveness for something — and I “forgave” her.  But I regularly judged her through the lens of her confessed sin.  After she acknowledged her critical and unloving attitudes toward me, I consistently questioned her motives for offering me correction, regularly suspected she was finding fault with things I did and said, and wondered aloud with Benny about whether she was judging me “again.”  Over time, I became bitter toward her for what I thought were regular uncharitable judgments toward me. Why?  Because she had confessed these temptations and sins to me…remember, when I “forgave” her.

In short, I took her humble confession of sin and held it over her for years.

As I learned more about the glorious gospel and its transforming affects on my life, it finally got through my proud heart and thick skull that God really doesn’t hold my sins against me! When He declared me not guilty for every past, present and future sin due to His death on the cross, His forgiveness was real and permanent.  From the moment I was justified by faith in His sinless life and atoning death, He remembered my sins no more! While this doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes have to deal with the consequences of my forgiven sin, I am truly forgiven and will never have to experience one ounce of His anger over my sins.

And this applies to every other forgiven sinner I know! So…if God doesn’t hold my sins against me, why do I hold others sins against them?  If He doesn’t keep an account of my selfishness, pride, insensitivity and impatience and rehearse these sins against me on a regular basis then what gives me the freedom to become bitter when others sin against me…again?  As an image bearer of the One who made me in His likeness and calls me to reflect the mercy, forgiveness and kindness extended to me back to others, how is it that I allow myself to forgive in word only?

The fact is friends sin against each other.  I sinned against Trisha and she sinned against me.  No surprise!  The problem came when I heard her confession, said “I forgive you”, and then assessed her on a regular basis through the lens of the sin I had supposedly forgiven.  How unlike the Savior.

Prior to her confession I didn’t know she was regularly critical of me.  After her confession I assumed she was, even when she wasn’t!  How humbling it was years later when she and I sat down for a delightful conversation when I was able to ask her forgiveness for my own critical, judgmental and self-righteous attitudes toward her…all in response to her confession of sin.  We talked through some of the incidences where I assumed she was judging or criticizing me in her heart.  I was rightly ashamed for how I had held her sins against her and read into situations that would have been easily resolved if I had simply asked questions like, “Hey, did what I said bother you?” or “I could be wrong but you seemed unusually quiet tonight; just wanted to make sure everything is ok between us?”  or “How do you think things are going between us lately?  I’d love to hear if I’ve done or said anything recently that has been challenging for you.”

I did none of that.  I just used her confession as a weapon against her.

Please learn from my sinful example with Trisha.  Bask in the unspeakable joy of knowing that the Lord will never hold your sins against you.  He will never respond to your sin with “there she goes again.”  When you come back to ask forgiveness again He won’t have a wait and see attitude before He forgives you yet again.

Ah ha!

P.S.  Does this mean we just keep on letting friends sin against us over and over without bringing these patterns to their attention?  We’ll talk about that some as our series continues.

Posted by Sheree

What Are Friendships For? August 3, 2009

friend, n. One who is attached to another by affection; one who entertains for another sentiments of esteem, respect and affection, which lead him to desire his company and to seek to promote his happiness and prosperity. (Webster’s 1828 Dictionary)

Girlfriends are a part of life, a wonderful, joyous blessing-one of God’s greatest gifts to us- and a constant source of sanctification.   As I read the definition above, I thought oh how true, that’s how I feel about my friends.  Then I read the last part, “to promote his happiness and prosperity (emphasis mine).”  What?  My friendships are not for my happiness and prosperity.   How often I have looked at my friendships as just a blessing to me.  And how frequently has there been conflict or even the end of a friendship because I was wanting to promote my happiness and not that of my friend.

Recently we have had some very dear friends decide to attend a different fellowship.  Everything in me wanted to be angry and selfish and think about how this was affecting me, my children and my homegroup.  How could they do this to us?  I have needed to take a good look at my heart and see my sinful attitude.  My initial response only revealed that my selfish desires were much more important to me than my friendship.  In fact, I wasn’t really being a friend at all.  God’s Word tells me that,   “A friend loveth at all times.”  Prov. 27  There was no real love in my response.

Being a good friend is hard work.  But thankfully, it is another opportunity to put my selfish desires to death.  Whether it is the big things which really do change relationships or the little things that just cause me to want my own way, I must make choices as to whether I am going to obey God or follow my own heart.  Although it is not always easy,  I do know that it is worth it.  My girlfriends are some of the richest blessings in my life.  Seasons change, relationships change, but when I allow the Lord to be in control the joy and love are immeasurable.

Posted by Elyse

Rich Indeed! July 31, 2009

Friends – girlfriends in particular, are a precious gift from God.  Women need other women with whom to talk, listen and relate.  Even after marriage girlfriends play a vital role in our sanctification and growth in godliness.  I’ve learned that my husband will never be like my girlfriends – He thanks God for that and for them!  He is totally unable to relate to me in the way my girlfriends can and this is how God intended it to be.  However, my husband is my dearest and closest friend.  I should never share things with friends that I haven’t already talked over with my husband.

Some of my closest friends are those I made when we were first married, sharing weddings, births of babies and church life together. We were all growing side-by-side in like things.  We shared common desires and goals as well as a wealth of fond memories.

Other friends God brought into my life at different seasons.  Some of these friends were only temporary and served a purpose for that time.  If I were to see them today, they would still be my friends; however, we’re not as close as we once were.

Then, there are the friends I have today.  These are those I am purposing to get with on a regular basis.  God has used my husband to help me determine which friendships to pursue.  Each year we’ll have this discussion, and most often we separately come up with the same names, confirmation that God is leading us.  Yet there have been years when he named someone I would not have thought of, and I can attest to the fact that some of these relationships have become dearest to my heart.  He regularly reminds me I should have older friends that I respect and long to be more like, those who are similar to me in age and season, and those younger who I can pour my life into as a mentoring friend.

It would be easy to be comfortable with the quality of friendships with which God has so graciously blessed me, but He won’t let me selfishly relax.  No, His desire for me is to continue pursuing others for my benefit and His glory.  I never know when the next woman I meet will end up becoming a lifelong friend.  So, I must always keep an open heart, ready and willing to embrace the godly friendships God has planned for me in the future.

I’m reminded of the simple song I learned as a Girl Scout:  Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold.

That being said, God has made me rich indeed!

Posted by Debi