Older and Younger Women Joining Hands in Mentoring Relationships May 1, 2009

Today we close out our week of unpacking Carolyn’s message on Five Deals She Doesn’t Want to Miss. The 4th and 5th deals are:  the opportunity for older women to mentor younger women and the opportunity for younger women to learn from older women.

Again, Carolyn was addressing pastor’s wives but Paul’s exhortation for Timothy to teach the older women to train the younger concerns all the women in the church, not just pastor’s wives.  Older women in the church are expected and exhorted to train the younger women.  In order to do so, though, Paul says we must first be taught.

Are you an older woman who doesn’t believe you have the practical or relational skills to mentor younger women?  Are there areas of ongoing lack or weakness in your life that makes you unable or hesitant to obey this biblical mandate?  Don’t be surprised by this!  If mentoring younger women came naturally, Paul wouldn’t have said we needed to be taught to do it!  Perhaps your first step to mentoring younger women is to approach a woman you know who excels in the areas of your lack or weakness to ask for help.

Often I think we older women get confused over what we’re supposed to do.  Do we just walk up to a younger woman in the hallway on Sunday morning and say, “So, you wanna be mentored?”  Or do we put on our mentoring hat and then wait for someone to come and ask us to spend time with us?  Some older women have expressed frustration over their willingness to mentor younger women, but no one is asking.  I loved Janis’s testimony during Carolyn’s teaching.  The examples she used of her loving initiative to serve, babysit for and reach out to younger women were geunine expressions of care that led to mentoring opportunities.

Carolyn went on to address the younger women when she encouraged you in three areas:

• See your need for help
• See the strengths of others
• Actively ask and learn

She mentioned the youthful pride that tempts younger women to look to peers for advice and counsel.  How I remember that!  Why in the world was I sitting around chatting only with my friends about child training, needing to grow in loving  my husband and trying to figure out cleaning schedules when there were older, experienced women around?  I’m not suggesting that talking about these issues with peers is never helpful.  Yet I can see now that it was sometimes sinful pride that hindered me from humbling myself and asking for the help of an older woman.  It was simply easier and more comfortable to interact with my peers.

You certainly want to wisely look for an older woman whose life and godliness inspires you to want to imitate her in the areas of lack in your life.  Perhaps there is a woman who provides a compelling example to you in many areas who could provide one-on-one discipleship and training for you.  Or maybe there are a couple of women who could mentor you in specific areas of strength or gifting in areas in which you desire to grow.  Don’t narrowly define mentoring as something that can only come from one woman.  Even as a mom and mom-in-law who has a close relationship with my “Big Girls,” I am regularly encouraging them to go to other women for advice and counsel.  I love knowing there are godly women whose skills and character excel my own that can help them to grow!

Whether you are an older or younger woman, please begin to prayerfully consider how the Lord may have you respond to Carolyn’s teaching and our biblical mandate to mentor and be mentored.  For the next two weeks we are going to unpack this topic in a personal and practical way.

We would also like to have some brief testimonies of specific ways you are being or have been affected by a mentoring relationship in your life.  Has/is an older woman helped you to grow in some practical or spiritual area?  Has/is your life being challenged or enhanced by your relationship with a younger woman you have mentored?  If so, please post a comment and we will follow up with those we’d like to hear more from.

Posted by Sheree

So When is the Last Time you Read a Book? April 29, 2009

The third deal Carolyn encouraged us to not miss help make our pursuit of mentoring relationships practical: the opportunity to devour good resources.

As women, our lives are full.  Whether you’re working outside the home while juggling homemaking responsibilities or are at home with one or more children, all our lives can feel frenzied at times.  And believe me, getting older doesn’t mean life slows down.  (Yes, my friends and I bought into that delusion when our kids were young!)  But Carolyn wisely cautioned us that feeding our souls is something we can’t afford to neglect.

Were you surprised to hear her say that just 15 minutes of reading a day will result in completing 10 substantial books a year?  I certainly was.  At times during my life I, like you perhaps, thought I didn’t  have time to read.  Job, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, caring for sick kids, meal planning, cooking, errands, church meetings, taking a meal to a new mom, carpooling kids around town for soccer or music lessons…whew…I’m tired just thinking about it!  Who has time to actually finish reading a whole book???  If I had $5 for every book I started over the years I could easily buy the new recliner I’d like to replace for the dingy one now sitting in my family room.

You see, mentoring doesn’t happen only face to face.  Some of the people who have participated in my own training and mentoring have done so from the pages of books.  In fact, many of them have been dead for years.  When I read I like to picture myself actually talking to the author.  (Maybe that’s why several years ago I had a dream about chatting with Charles Spurgeon about his book, The Triumph of Faith in the Believer’s Life. I knew I was dreaming when I realized we were talking while watching my of my kids basketball games!)

I was encouraged and convicted by Carolyn’s honest but affectionately growing concern about how many of us make time for the computer — facebook, email, researching, writing or reading blogs, online shopping, etc — but not for enriching our lives, our relationship with God and our pursuit of godly womanhood through reading things that feed our souls.

I have shared her concern…about myself and others.  In fact, a few months back I did a survey on technology use of Metro ladies in various seasons including teens, singles, young moms and older ladies.  After receiving about 25 responses, I was surprised to learn that the average amount of time spent for personal (i.e. not job or school related) technology use was just shy of 3 hours a day! Jesse, who oversees our youth ministry here at Metro, did another survey at a recent youth meeting where he found that some of our teens are texting well over 1,000 times a month.  Yes, you read it right.  Over 1,000 texts in about 30 days.

Are there benefits to technology?  Certainly.  But is the often aimless chatter that  social networking (facebook, twitter, cell phones, texting, im, email) involves resulting in exchanging temporal fun for eternal values?  I have been freshly convicted by how easily I give in to the lure to check my email “real quick” before I fold some laundry, start my devotions or load the dishwasher.  Before I know it, 45 minutes have flown by and the important has been sacrificed because “I got mail.”

Carolyn encouraged us to consider structures we need in our lives that make sure we are protecting what is most important.  Some things to prayerfully consider:

• Not allowing myself to turn on the computer until my devotions are done and at least one morning chore is begun or completed.
• Limiting myself to a certain amount of time per day on the computer.
• Choosing one day per week to avoid an aspect of technology (email, internet reseach or etc) to devote that time to extra time in worship, prayer or study/ reading.  For ideas and joining others who are doing this check out the initiative our youth ministry is implementing here. It’s called Tech-less Tuesdays and it provides excellent reading options to replace technology use every Tuesday.

One last thing.  As we consider using our time more wisely and take more seriously the need to feed our souls with biblical truth, let’s not confuse a godly principle with the desire to earn His favor.  As Christians, we will never be more accepted and loved by God as we are this very moment.  Whether you devote regular time to reading and studying scripture and biblically sound books or haven’t completed a book in years, your standing before God is based only on the finished work of Christ on the cross!  What amazing news!  Yet the real truth is that the pace of our growth in godliness is no doubt affected by the choices we make with our time.

Stop for a minute and ask yourself if there is anything that needs to change about how you use your time each day.  Is the time you spend on the computer, talking on the phone with friends, watching tv or pursuing hobbies detracting from consistent time growing in godliness?  If so, it may be time to humbly assess making some changes.

I’m doing this, too.

Posted by Sheree

The Opportunity to Develop a Biblical Conviction April 28, 2009

The passage Carolyn was using in her message is Ephesians 5:15-16, which teaches us that we walk wisely by making tbe best use of time.   Paul also warns about “evil” days that require this kind of wise time management.  Just think about that for a moment.  The New Testament days were evil…just like ours!  Carolyn talked about an aspect of the evil days in which we live as those when biblical femininity is being assaulted.  In her other primary reference, Titus 2:3-5, Carolyn reminded us that Paul outlines womanly conduct that will actually advance the glorious gospel!

What an amazing privilege we have been given, ladies.  What we do day in and day out — on the job, in the home, with our families and in our neighborhoods — gives us the joy of advancing the gospel by our very actions.

This requires understanding the second “deal” we don’t want to miss:  the opportunity to develop a biblical conviction.

You may have heard the words “egalitarian” and “complementarian.”  If you are like I was when I first heard pastors use these terms, you may have thought, “Those are some big words I don’t really need to understand…but I trust my pastors that they’re important. Besides, I believe what the Bible says about roles in the home so I don’t need to fuss over this.”  Over the years, though, I have come to see the critical necessity to dig deep into these concepts.  This has produced a Spirit-born conviction in my heart about the truths verses lies they represent.

Understanding these terms and the resultant differing values they reflect has required that I keep it pretty simple.  Egalitarians (often called Evangelical Feminists) believe the roles between men and women in the home and church are interchangeable.  Complementarians believe that while God values men and women equally, their roles in the home and church complement one another and are not interchangeable.

In her message Carolyn said, “We can’t be merely instinctive or intuitive complementarians but informed complementarians.  We must have convictions, not just beliefs.”  Did you stop and think about what she meant by those statements?

• We have to know what the Bible teaches on these issues; not just that we believe whatever the Bible teaches.
• We can’t just “instinctively” believe that women and men were created by God for differing roles in the home and church.  Instincts can provide the urge to protect our children from harm, but they can’t be the basis of our beliefs about our roles in the home and church.
• Similarly, we can’t just merely intuitively” agree in God’s created design for men and women.  Our intuitions can serve us when we believe a friend or family member may be in an unwholesome relationship or troubling situation, but relying on our intuition about theological truths can be dangerous.
• Beliefs can change, but biblically defined convictions don’t.

The bottom line is this:  We don’t want to believe things just because they “feel” right or because others around us believe them.  We want our beliefs to be informed by an intentional search of God’s word that results in solid convictions.

So what does this have to do with mentoring?  If you are an older woman, it is your responsibility to pass on to younger women the timeless biblical truths about godly womanhood.  In order to do this, you must have a solid and informed biblical grasp of these truths.  As a younger woman, you must recognize your need to not just learn these terms, but to live the truths they prescribe.  Ladies, there is no short cut.  Understanding truth requires the hard work of study, prayer and discussion with those who can help us.

Do you have a settled conviction about what the Bible says about manhood and womanhood?  Can you articulate why you believe what you believe and point to scriptures that have informed your convictions?  If not, perhaps this is a deal you should consider purchasing.  For me, this meant taking nearly a year to slowly digest Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood by Wayne Grudem and John Piper.  But may I also recommend Carolyn McCulley’s excellent new book Radical Womanhood (pictured at the beginning of this post). It’s readable, winsome and full of real-life application of what it means to be a complementarian.  You can purchase it in our church bookstore or online here.

Posted by Sheree

New Application February 28, 2008

As we have been hearing about Biblical Womanhood over the last couple of weeks in our Ladies’ School of the Word, I have found myself listening with new ears. You see up until now, when I have heard teachings on this topic, I have listened for myself. But now with my first little girl on the way, the reality is beginning to hit me that I will be responsible for not only teaching these things to little Ella, but also demonstrating them in every day life! As we have always heard, “more is caught than taught.”

There is a new awareness in my heart of wanting to apply these truths so that I will be a good example of a godly woman to my little girl. How will she observe my interactions with her Daddy? Will she see me desiring to complement him, or compete with him? Will she see me seek to serve him or see me being selfish? And what about the times when I don’t get my way – will I be teaching her a course of “Manipulation 101″ or will she see me humbly submit? What a huge responsibility! I know that it is something that I cannot do on my own, but I will NEED the Lord to help me.

Lord, thank You for creating specific roles for us. Help me to continue to learn my role as a woman, a wife and a mother – as biblically defined. I want to glorify You in how I live my life and how I teach my little girl. Thank You that you have promised to help me in the things you have called me to do.

Posted by Stephanie

Examining My Thoughts February 27, 2008

In listening to Sheree’s excellent teaching on The History of Feminism in the Society and The Church, I realize that I give in to a feminist’s viewpoint more often than I knew. I rarely vocalize this view because, like Sheree shared, “We, at Metro, have been taught so well!” But, the way that I process disappointments either from my husband or my children, or even reflecting back on my adult relationship with my Dad, I see a willingness to give in to thinking of myself in a more superior way. I’ve often thought that my main struggle was with pride, anger and a desire for control; but now I’m seeing how much of these sins have grown in the soil of feminism. It’s so hard to admit that, much more to blog about it!

I was born in 1959 – smack in the middle of the rise of feminism. I took co-ed shop classes and learned about birth control in my child development class. I even owned Helen Reddy’s album “Long Hard Climb”! My Mom had to work with my Dad at our family Pharmacy, so often I was left to learn about life and interpret it on my own. I was the first one in our family to quit working at the Pharmacy because I couldn’t get along with my Dad! Rather than pursue his godly leadership in my life, I did what I wanted to do regardless of what the Bible said. I see now how God protected me from absorbing a full blown belief in feminism, but I’m realizing that there is much feminist thinking that has made it’s way into my thought patterns.

How kind of God to reveal this to me. How kind of Him to continually pursue my sinful heart towards repentance and change. I am 48 years old – a daughter, wife, mother and grandmother, yet I still have much to learn in regards to Biblical Womanhood. By His Grace at work in my heart, I pray that I will continue to respond to the correction of the Holy Spirit. May we all embrace this season of fighting nominalism (in name only) and become women who truly glorify God in all we think, say and do, so that the church might shine more brightly in this ever darkening world.

Posted by Debi

Anything you can do….I can do better… February 26, 2008

It all started for me in the 4th grade when our little school did a rendition of “Annie Get Your Gun”. Here are some of the lyrics from the “theme” song:

Anything you can do I can do better

I can do anything better than you

No you can’t

Yes I can

No you can’t

Yes I can

Or who could forget the song, “You can’t get a man with a gun” Then, a few years later I was in Shop class. We had one semester of Home Economics and one semester of Shop. I had to make sure that I wore my hair back, no jewelry, and no fluffy shirts. That year I made a bookcase and jewelry box for my mom.

Did these things cause me to have a feminist mentality in my late 20′s? No, I think I would have to trace that back to Eve! There is indwelling sin in my heart to where I a lot of times I am competing with God’s design for my life. He created me to complement, not compete with my husband. In looking back to different things over the years I realize that I am not exempt from the influences of the world. This series has been a wake up call for me ~ it has helped me see that I need to fight and put to death sins in my heart of contention, superiority and arrogance that I wasn’t so much aware of.

By God’s grace I want my children to see in me a heart and disposition towards God as one who embraces what He has called me to as His daughter.

Posted by Taraleigh

Culture’s Effect On Me February 25, 2008

As I listened to Sheree speak last week, I found myself continually wondering how feminism has seeped into my life and affected much of what I do and believe. One particular quote struck me and caused me to begin to see my life from a different perspective.

“The young people of their generation had been made the laboratory mice for the numerous social experiments of the past 20 years; infant day care and no-fault divorce, textbooks illustrated with little girls flying planes and little boys doing the vacuuming; coed shop classes instead of home economics, the frank discussions about [birth control] with the high school gym teachers. Their brains, meanwhile, had been irradiated with the mishmash of feminist cultural messages from the proudly menstruating teenage heroines of Judy Blume novels to the supportive articles about single mothers in the Sunday life-style section to the audience applause on Donahue for the woman who left her husband and three kids in Minnesota to realize herself as a potter in Santa Fe.

The women I had interviewed had neither adopted nor rejected feminism. Rather, it had seeped into their minds like intravenous saline into the arm of an unconscious patient. They were feminists without knowing it.”

I am of that generation. These things were all a part of my growing up. Add to that the fact that neither of my parents were believers and wholeheartedly embraced the feminist movement. All of these things were the norm to me and I never even questioned their validity. I have never really thought about this before or particularly the effect it has on me today. Once I became a believer, did all the effects of the culture just disappear from my life? I wish it were so, but I don’t think so.

Now I must begin to examine my life more closely and see how these things have seeped into my mind and how they are causing me today to sin. What is motivating my attitude toward men, my husband in particular? Are some of my sinful responses and attitudes caused by a feminist influence that I did not even realize existed in me any longer? I would guess that would be true. And I pray that the Lord will help me to see how this is influencing my life and to turn from it and hold on to the Truth.

Posted by Elyse

Eve’s Temptation and Ours February 19, 2008

Think about Adam and Eve for a moment.  Eve lived in paradise with a perfect (potentially anyway) husband.  She was even able to walk and talk with God Himself!  In every way, her life was flawless and joyful.

Then she was tempted to want to be like God and listened to the tempter questioning His love and wisdom.  She chose to exert selfish influence over her husband who affirmed her unwillingness to submit to God and stay under the protective covering of his leadership.

Hmmm..sound at all familiar?  Have you ever been discontent with what the Lord has provided you?  Resented His provision?  Interpreted His loving care and protection as limiting?  Sought to manipulate your husband to join you in fulfilling your own greedy cravings for more?  Walked out from under the God-ordained protective leadership of your husband and made choices you later regretted?

These are some of the ways our own sin nature — along with the tempting lies of the enemy of our soul — influences and deceives us.

Give that some thought today.  Ask the Lord to show you any ways an unbiblical view of womanhood has made it easy for you to resist or resent His wisdom in creating you uniquely and wonderfully female!  Since the Garden of Eden we ladies have had the sinful tendency to want to selfishly control our husbands.  Some of us do this in obvious ways…while others of us make it harder to see. (More about that next week.)

We all remain in need of a Savior to convict and forgive us of our sin.  And as we consider what this sin looks like currently in our lives, let’s remember to take ten looks at the cross for every look at our sin.

Because of the sinless life, atoning death and glorious resurrection of Jesus we have forgiveness and hope for change!

What comfort for those of us who want to take an honest and hard look at how feminism remains a live temptation in our hearts.

I am Woman, Hear me…Roar??? February 18, 2008

As we discussed yesterday, we’ve been in a series on “The Battle for Biblical Womanhood” at Metro. In order to understand the present and future, we’ve needed to take a good look at the past.

In her message the first week, Sheree talked about a song that was the “theme song” for the growing feminist movement in the 1970′s. It won a grammy in 1972 and was sung by Helen Reddy. (Those of you in your late 40′s or older are probably already humming the tune.)

The thought of “I am woman hear me roar in numbers too big to ignore” was a comical one for the younger ladies in the room who have grown up in Christian homes with godly mothers who provided a model of biblical womanhood.

“I am strong! I am invincible! I am WOMAN!” has hardly been the theme of many of our lives. Yet we are seeing that just because we haven’t been educated about the feminist movement or never marched with the National Organization of Women, we are still sinners. The same roots of pride and selfish ambition — along with arrogant temptations toward attitudes of superiority over our husbands and fathers — sometimes rage in our own hearts.

Understanding the roots and dangers of an unbiblical approach to womanhood helps us to uncover and resist its affects in our lives. These dangers may not be evident, but can have serious consequences, not only in our lives but also in future generations as well.

What are some of those dangers? We’ll take a look at at these starting tomorrow.

Surely I’m not a Feminist!

At Metro we are doing our yearly Ladies School of the Word series.  This year our pastors wanted us to study something related to the series they are doing on detecting and avoiding nominalism (Christians “in name only”).  We are learning so much as the Holy Spirit shows us areas in our hearts where we are too comfortable with intellectually assenting to biblical truth without actually living it.

As ladies, we are looking at the issue of evangelical feminism in our series, “The Battle for Biblical Womanhood.”  Last week we were introduced to the purpose of this series:

“To educate ourselves about the history of the women’s movement in our society and in the church; to expose ways in which we have been negatively affected by unbiblical aspects of the women’s movement; and to embrace God’s design for biblical womanhood for His glory!”

The message opened with a scriptural foundation of numerous verses, but this one stuck out from Romans 12:2:

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – - his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

This week and next we will be sharing some of what we’ve learned, both academically and personally.  Please join us for this informative and probably convicting dialogue!!