Thoughts on Graduation June 10, 2009

Over the last few weeks, we have attended several graduation events for both family and friends.  Graduations are such a celebration – a completion of schooling, entering a new season of life, taking the “next step.”  It also got me thinking about how quickly these graduations come about.  Several of these recent graduates were “kids” that I used to babysit!  And wait a minute…didn’t I just graduate from high school a couple years ago?

My oldest is going into third grade.  While on one hand, high school graduation seems like an eternity away, I have to remind myself that it will be here before I know it.  Yikes!

All this to say, these graduations made me realize, once again, that my time is limited with my children.  What are the things that I want to instill in them before that day?  I want to teach them about our God and His Word, about His faithfulness in our lives.  There are also practical skills that I want to train them in – how to be self-disciplined with chores & manners, how to relate to others and how to present themselves in a way that draws attention and glory to God, not to themselves.

Whew…that is a long list already, and there are so many more things that I want to instill into them.  I know that I can only do these things with the strength and grace that comes from the Lord.  But I must be diligent.  I have responsibility in this – it won’t just “happen.”  So that is what I am pondering right now.  What am I doing to reach these goals?

Have you thought about these things lately?  What is your plan?  If you don’t have one, make one!

Lord, there is so much that I want to instill into my children during this precious season of their being in my home.  I pray that You will give me the grace and the strength to be effective in child training.  Help me, I pray to train them in Your ways, so that when they are grown, they will be responsible people who are willing to take a stand for You.  Please guide me and give me wisdom as I care for these little people whom you have entrusted to me.  I know that You will be faithful to them and to me.  Thank You for that…in Your name I pray, Amen.

Posted by Stephanie

Doing Hard Things When Your Children are in Private School February 6, 2009

We asked our friend, Cindy, to share her thoughts on doing hard things when your kids are in private school.  How can you stay involved and help your children through the heart issues in the process?  Cindy’s winsome and helpful words can encourage us all, whatever schooling option we have chosen.  Thank you, Cindy!

Whether homeschooling or paying a private school tuition, Berny’s and my Philosophy of Education has always been the same . . . that it is our job to prepare our children spiritually, physically, mentally, and intellectually for whatever God may call them to do.

When my children were in K-5, 1^st and 2^nd grades we placed them in a private school when I was placed on vocal rest for 2½  months.  Even without talking, I worked very hard to “get to know” each of their teachers and the administrators of the school we had placed them in.  (This can be challenging if you still have children at home, but communication is always possible.)  I was able to play the piano for the chorus and (with some limitations) help out on field trips.  When I was able to talk again, I also served the school as a substitute teacher.  Almost any school, public or private, has something to be done if you are willing to serve.  Each area you serve in will provide you with more acquaintances and more insight into the atmosphere of the school.

We were very new to the school experience when our then 2nd grader began to steal from other students at school.  Our first reaction was embarrassment.  However, this proved to be a great opportunity for us to put into practice so many things we were learning . . .  Confronting worldliness in our children, presenting – again – the gospel and their great need for a savior, obedience to God, humility (for ALL of us) and of course, recognizing God’s grace in revealing our children’s sins to others so that they would not continue in them.

As our children are becoming young adults, having them in school still presents many opportunities to disciple them.  Now they face even deeper relational issues, as they realize that sometimes it is necessary to be a Christian testimony – even to other Christians.  We are able to challenge them about worldliness (struggling not to compromise when others standards are not the same as ours), diligence (as it applies to their academics, jobs and even household responsibilities), attitude and character (SPORTS do a wonderful job of revealing character and providing an opportunity to confront things like anger, pride, submission, grace, selfishness, being teachable, etc.)

Berny has had me continue to teach or serve in some area at the schools my children have attended (which serves our family, as well – by cutting tuition).  As parents, though, our greatest challenge has been balancing our involvement in school with our commitment to the church God has called us to.  This is not because it is difficult to be committed to Metro, but because a private (especially Christian) school can begin to feel like your church.  With other believers, you hear the gospel, you share the gospel, and you must walk out the gospel in daily activities, at school events and even in relationships that begin to extend far past the boundaries of school.  Making certain church commitments that supercede school activities is the only way to do this.  For example, we have always found a way to be committed to and involved in a homegroup.  Sunday celebrations generally don’t conflict with a Christian school, but have always been our priority.  We made sure to plan on attending our annual Celebration weekends as well, even when they conflicted with school activities.  Together and individually, we try to see that each of us are involved in other activities such as Deluge, mission trips, sports, hospitality, work days and such.

At times we must all remind one another of what God has called us to.  Any time we serve to further His kingdom, we can be tempted to focus more on the PROJECT than on the SAVIOR.  Educating our children is NO exception!!

Doing Hard Things When Your Kids are in Public School February 5, 2009

Lisa and her husband are a delightful addition to our church family.  She posted the following thoughts as a blog comment during our current series on doing hard things in the education of our children,   We were so inspired by the hard things she is doing to be involved in the education process that we asked her permission to post this.  We think you will be as encouraged by her devotion and wisdom as we are! Thank you, Lisa!

As a Christian family who have prayerfully opted to have our children in public school, it was encouraging for me to read  Sheree’s posts.  I was glad to hear her say that it is our parental responsiblity to monitor entertainment, friendships, music, etc., even when it is unpopular and hard.

With having children in public school comes the added responsibility of getting to know the teachers and personally communicating our family values. It also requires a substantial investment of time to find out the yearly curriculum that our children will cover, and then to talk to each teacher about what we feel as parents is best or not to be used at all.  Character growth on what we are working on with each child is also communicated to each teacher so that we as parents can keep on top of that even when our children are not with us.  It is the same at school as it would be with friends,or anywhere our kids would be.

The teachers become not only a part of our children’s lives, but a part of our family’s life as well.  With this choice in schooling, it is no time for us to be ashamed of our values.  Rather, we must be bold and inviting to those who may have never seen anything like it.  We are modeling Christ, and always attempt to be  aware of that.

I also agree that home schooling provides an environment that fosters good relationships, but building good strong Christ centered relationships with our children can also be done with other schooling options.  It just takes time, a lot of family and one-on-one time. Prioritizing time becomes very important.

Last, I agree with your statement that it is foolish to put our confidence in schooling.  Sin does dwell in every heart no matter where we are, but we must mortify it.  Through Christ, we can, that’s what we teach our kids daily.  The devil works hard to get to our kids hearts, how much harder should we!

While thinking about all this the song lyrics came to me, “I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus name.” He has given us “everything” we need for life and godliness if we look to Him.

Home Schooling is About Time for What’s Important February 3, 2009

This year is my fifth year of homeschooling.  I must admit that I love homeschooling my children.  Yes, it is hard and many days I wish they would all just go away for a while, but all in all I wouldn’t want to educate my children any other way.  I think one of the biggest reasons is Sheree’s point that “education involves far more than book learning.”

Certainly we are all educating our children whether we home school or not  — and it starts before they are even school age.  For me, though, homeschooling gives me more opportunity and more time to educate my children.  The academics are important and we work hard at our reading, math, history and all else.   However, the more I home school the more I realize that all that goes on while we are doing our academics is as important, if not more important.

Each day (all day!) I am given the opportunity to train my children for life and godliness.   When I have to stop doing math to discipline my toddler, she is not the only one who benefits from the interaction.  What goes on with my other children while Mommy is occupied provides ample opportunity to deal with their sinful hearts as well.  The hard thing for me is to seize the moments which God places before me each day and to not be so consumed with the “formal” education that I neglect the gospel-centered education.  When we are having our devotional times together and it goes on for longer than I had planned, I need to remember that math can wait while we wait upon the Lord.  Or when I need to deal with a child who has been cheating on spelling, I need to take the time to get to the root of the issue and not just discipline and move on.

I am extremely grateful that I am able to homeschool my children and pray that the Lord will continue to keep before me that which is of most importance.  Education is so much more than book learning and I do not want to neglect the things of God which will be of eternal value to us all.

Posted by Elyse

-Wise Words- February 2, 2009

My mother-in-law, who is a very wise woman, has always told me that teaching my children is as much for my growth and sanctification as it is for theirs!  Whether it is training my children to obey the first time, to clean their room, or instructing my 2nd grader in math, it all requires ACTION on my part.  I cannot be passive and lazy and still expect to see fruit.  This is why educating our children is a HARD THING!  I have to be self-disciplined, if I am going to teach my children to be self-disciplined (and expect that from them).  The phrase, “Do as I say, not as I do” just doesn’t work!  I have to be an example to them.

This teaching and training reveals things in my heart – control, impatience and even pride.  Often I would rather just do things myself (the right way – the first time) instead of taking the time to teach my boys how to do them.   This shows that I want to control the outcome, I don’t have patience for the process and that my pride is revealed in how I want things done.  Yuck!  While this may be “easier’ in the moment, I am actually working against myself in the long run.

Educating our children, whether in academics or in life skills is hard work.  And here is the kicker…we can’t do it in our own strength.  It is so easy to become weary when I am self-sufficient.  The Lord recently brought this scripture to my attention, and now I have it hanging where I see it every day!

Galatians 6:9 says, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

This verse has brought a lot of encouragement to me and reminded me that even when I don’t see immediate fruit, I should press on toward the goal!

Lord, thank You for the privilege and responsibility of teaching my children.  Please forgive me for the many times that I want to be lazy instead of investing time in training them.  Please help me to be dependent on You for strength and wisdom each day as I endeavor to train my children in Your ways.  Thank You for always being faithful to meet me in my need!  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Posted by Stephanie.

Things our Education Choices Won’t Guarantee January 29, 2009

We complete our series today with the last of the considerations we need to make about how to educate our kids:  whatever option we choose won’t come with guarantees. This post is a little long, so be patient with me.

Ask any devoted and thoughtful Dad and Mom what the most important consideration in their schooling choice is and most will say, “We want to do what is best for our child.”  Few godly parents make decisions with a “throw up the cards and see how they fall” mentality.

Many Christian parents make schooling choices on the presumption of guarantees.

If I put my child in a Christian school with godly teachers, children from Christian homes and good curriculum my child won’t have to deal with alot of the pressures and temptations I faced growing up in public school.

If I take seriously my responsibility to be actively involved with the administration and teachers, putting my child in public school will work out fine.  Besides, our local public school has a good academic and social reputation.

If I home school the kids, they’ll be protected from worldliness, compromise and pressure from ungodly peers.

Benny and I have learned over three decades — both from personal experience and that of many other families — that putting our confidence in our schooling choice is foolish.  The lure to worldliness is common among old and young alike.   When we decided many years ago to home school our children, we were like many parents involved in the early years of the modern home schooling movement.  We thought home schooling was the answer to raising kids who wouldn’t sin and be tempted like Dad and Mom did when we were younger.  We assumed we wouldn’t be dealing with students who lied about completing assignments; cheated on tests; craved the approval of peers; and had crushes in 7th grade.

We were wrong.  What we didn’t know much about back then was the biblical doctrine of indwelling sin.  We thought keeping our kids at home somehow innoculated them against certain temptations and sins.  Over the years and through the biblical teaching we received, we learned that sin isn’t “caused” by circumstances or people.  Sin happens because it’s in the heart in the first place — and, like a sponge, when the heart is squeezed what was already present comes out.  (Thanks, David Powlison!)

When our kids cheated on a spelling test, lied about finishing a writing assignment, agreed to do something they knew was wrong to please a friend, or used inappropriate language we were surprised.  Why?  Because they were home schooled!  They were with us 24/7.  They weren’t “supposed” to do these kinds of things.  “Where in the world did he pick that up?” we would ask ourselves.  “Who has she been spending time with that has those attitudes and uses that language ?” we wondered.

I’m not saying that exercising wisdom about who and what is influencing our children is wrong.  Benny and I wholeheartedly believe in parents doing our part to wisely monitor friendships, music, entertainment and other shaping influences in our kids lives — including making hard or unpopular choices when necessary.  But blaming those influences for our children sinful choices deflects the responsibility from where it squarely belongs — on them.  Our children sin for the same reason that we do; because they choose to.

Does this sound contradictory?  Does it seem I’m saying it doesn’t matter where they go to school because, after all, their choices are uninfluenced by people and environment and are only due to their own choices?  No, that’s not what I’m saying.  People and environment make a difference but not the difference.

Do I believe that home schooling is a viable and wise choice for most Christian parents?  Yes.  Do I personally believe that home schooling can foster a family culture that nurtures spiritual growth and helps to promote a strong parent/child relationship?  Yes.  But do I believe that home schooling insures that a child will love God and His church; respect and honor his parents; resist the lure to worldliness; excel academically; get along great with his siblings; and never kiss a girl until his wedding day?  No.  But neither does any schooling choice provide these guarantees.

Whatever you have decided or will decide to do about schooling your children, start with God.  The choice you make today…for this year or semester…isn’t a permanent one.  Take this decision to the Lord and your husband for ongoing prayer and assessment.  And find a family you know whose young adult or adult children model the kind of love for the Lord and His church that inspires you to ask for counsel and insight.

Do the hard thing…but keep the gospel in full view!  We can’t obey God in our own strength.  But by His empowering grace and promised wisdom, we can trust Him to help us to do hard things, and keeping doing them.

Posted by Sheree

Catching up on the Hard Things about Educating Our Children January 28, 2009

Due to yesterday’s technical difficulties, we will cover points 2 and 3 from Monday’s post: educating our children should be parent-directed and those who are involved in educating them will have a profound influence on their lives.

As we’ve discussed, no matter what educational option we choose for our children the Bible is clear: the training and discipling of children is a parental responsibility. As parents, we must take seriously our need to be actively involved in our children’s education and with those  shaping influences in their lives.   This includes teachers, coaches, babysitters, friends, music or dance instructors…even those who care for and instruct them in our churches.

Parents who choose to allow our children to be consistently influenced by others need to see this as delegation not abdication. Anyone who teaches, coaches, instructs or influences our children should be doing so because we have (to the best of our ability) personally selected them to do so and not because we have abdicated our responsibility.

Education is a multi-faceted experience. In the process of learning phonics, math, sports, music, science and history, students are also learning much more — not only from those who are instructing them but from those who are learning alongside them.  Many of you have probably heard that “more is caught than taught.” Children learn about LIFE from whoever is teaching them. They learn how to think and process; whether to accept what is written in a book just because someone says it’s true or to discern the truth of things with a biblical worldview; how to relate to the others in their classroom, whether those people are their siblings or their peers; and they learn what is valuable and important to the one teaching them.  They also learn whose opinions and approval means most:  Dad and Mom’s or the friends and teachers they spend the most time with.

Admittedly, over 25 years ago Benny and I decided to home school our kids (well…I only really agreed to do it for a year!) because we felt this was the best way to deepen and maintain our influence over, relationship with and discipleship of them. As we hear from our now-adult children, we’ve been humbled to discover that what we did in faith all those years ago seems to have had the desired affect. By God’s grace, they have all done well academically (despite how often I changed curriculum and had to teach myself concepts before I could teach them). But more important to us, they are each passionate followers of their Savior and are meaningfully involved in the church.

We’re not saying this wouldn’t be the case if they had been educated in private or public schools. If we’ve learned anything over the years it’s that while our parenting matters greatly, what our children needed most was God’s grace and conviction. Without His loving pursuit, they (like Dad and Mom) would be lost to the lusts of their own hearts; without hope and without God.  Home schooling provided us the opportunity to be meaningfully involved in their lives and to attempt to monitor what was going on not just in their heads, but in their hearts.

For me, the hard thing the Lord asked me to do was to home school my children.  Perhaps He hasn’t asked that of you.  Maybe the hard thing you have chosen to do is to delegate their academic instruction to others, while attempting to navigate the waters of peer influence and teachers who may not understand or share all of your values.  Either way, we’re both doing something hard and we desperately need His help.

Lord, please help us to embrace the hard thing you have asked of us in the education of our children.  We want to please You; to selflessly invest the effort required to raise godly children who love their Savior.  We can only do this with Your empowering grace and wisdom!  Please protect our children from the lure to worldliness that tempts each of their hearts to drift from You.  And give us strength to wisely shepherd their hearts through the process.  Thank You for the promise of Your help and strength!  Amen.

Posted by Sheree

Teaching is More Than “Book Learning” January 27, 2009

As we continue to talk about “Doing Hard Things” in the education of our children, let’s start with the first of the four points I mentioned yesterday: teaching is far more than the kind of learning we get from books.

It doesn’t take most moms more than a few days with a young child to know that teaching them is really important. I remember well the first time Benny and I saw our firstborn’s willful defiance of something we clearly told (and showed) him not to do. He was  crawling toward the steps to figure a way to climb them. The stairs were oddly shaped and dangerous for a little guy.  They were also constructed in a way that didn’t allow for a gate, and our attempt to keep him safe by using a chair across the stairway had been recently met with his acrobatic ability to get around it. It was time to train him to simply stay away from the steps and explore the many other safe options for entertaining himself. But no. Joshua was determined to get up those steps! Over and over again he crawled to the steps, looking back over his shoulder each time as if he was daring us to do something to stop him.

That was our first day of home education.  And our son was just 9 months old.  It was time to teach him to obey Mommy and Daddy.

Whatever option we choose for our children to learn to read, write and do math, as their parents we are their primary educators. Recently a young mom in our church mentioned she wasn’t home educating her children because they were “in school.” “Sweetie,” I responded, “You are most definitely educating your children at home. In fact, you are their most important and valuable teacher!”

What are the things we are teaching our children? Just think about a couple of the things your children can learn primarily from you:

• To have self-control over their bodies and emotions.   Teaching children to sit on their bottoms to eat their meals and stop selfishly grabbing toys from others is no easy job.  But children who don’t learn this as toddlers can become school aged children or teens who lack self-control in much more potentially serious areas.
• To obey.  Training obedient children is of critical importance.  Learning to obey Mom and Dad in the early years postures our children to better understand the importance of obeying God and His word in their later years.  Few things are as important in parenting than this.
• To love and serve. Consistently instructing and requiring our young children to be kind, generous, unselfish and willing to help others is something that requires daily encouragement and training.  The fruit in their young adult years is, by God’s grace, glorifying to the One who came to love and serve at all cost.

These are just a couple of the many ways we as moms educate our children — day in and day out for many years.

On that note, I personally know many of you who regularly read this blog.  I have the privilege of watching you demonstrate your affection and devotion to your children.  I see the fruit of your hard work.  Like Saturday when I got to babysit little Brianna and Joey so Dad and Mom could have some time with friends.  They, like so many of the children in our church, were pleasant, obedient, respectful and fun.  Yes, they had a sinful attitude here and there like all kids.  But when addressed, they responded and obeyed.  It was a joy to have them in our home.

So thank you.  You are educating your children about the really important stuff.  Even if the fruit is delayed and your efforts seem unproductive, please keep doing hard things.  I’m not the only one watching and cheering you on.  Your heavenly Father is observing your hard work and is pouring out His strength and wisdom to keep going.  I can only imagine how pleased He is when He sees your countless and often unseen efforts.

Posted by Sheree

Doing Hard Things in Educating our Children January 25, 2009

This week we continue our Do Hard Things series by focusing on some of the hard things that are required in educating our children.  As moms, we have been given the awesome privilege of helping to shape our children in every area, including their education.

From babyhood, they learn most everything from Dad and Mom, from how to walk and talk to how to treat others (including us!).  We teach them how to use words to demonstrate politeness or harshness.  We show them the importance or unimportance of diligence and hard work.  We model for them how to respond humbly or react sinfully to pressure or criticism.  We train them to either keep their promises or take their word lightly.

And this all happens before reading, writing and arithmetic ever begin…and continues into their adulthood and our old age.

This mini-series is not what “educational” option we choose.  Whether our children attend public school, private school or are schooled at home, there are some fundamental things on which we should agree.

1. Education involves far more than “book learning.”
2. The education of our children should be parent-directed.
3. Anyone is who involved in the education of our children will have profound influence on them.
4. No educational option guarantees that our children will have godly character in their young adult years.

For the rest of this week we will investigate these four points.  They were covered at our January Mom’s Meeting.  If you are interested, you can listen to the message online (it’s to your right on this page).

Lord, I need Your help in all the tasks of parenting.  Help me to think clearly and wisely about the educational process for my chiildren.  Protect me from comparing myself to other mothers…and from the fear of man that tempts me to feel superior or inferior to others because of the schooling choices we have made.  I want to honor You with this important decision!  Thank You for your help!

Posted by Sheree

Labor Day Craft September 3, 2007

HAPPY LABOR DAY!

Most of us are returning to Orlando after a long week-end of celebrating the fact that God reconciled us to Himself.  Celebration South took place in Hudson, Florida, and was a first for Metro Life to attend. 

For the rest of us today marks the official end of Summer.  It is the last day to play as families, unless you have chosen to educate your children at home.  Then, playing together can be educational, but still fun. 

I found a wonderful resource on the internet that provides a wealth of ideas, printouts, coloring sheets, and unit study activities that will enhance any curriculum you are using.  It’s called Enchanted Learning and for only $20 a year you have full use of using and printing their materials.  They offer a free craft idea for Labor Day that will introduce you to all that they offer.

Have a safe and fun holiday enjoying God’s gift of family! 

Posted by Debi