My Portion is From the Lord June 23, 2010

On Monday I talked about boundaries and how understanding God’s sovereign control helps us to embrace His plan whether our responsibilities are increasing or lessening.

Which is the case for you?

• Are you in a season of expanding boundaries (getting married, adding children, increased responsibilities at work, larger home, caring for aging parents)?
• Or are the boundary lines of your life shrinking (sending a child off to college or marriage, retiring or working part time, downsizing your home)?

Perhaps you are wishing for bigger boundaries.  You eagerly desire to be married or to have a baby.  You’ve been working faithfully at a job without desired promotions.  You dream of having a larger home to accommodate your family even though you know it would require more work.

Or do you long for the day when responsibilities will lessen.  You look forward to kids moving out.  You regret buying the bigger home because you didn’t realize how much time keeping things up would take.  Trying to balance work and home responsibilities is becoming wearisome.

As an older woman who has been tempted in both of these ways, let me remind you (as I do myself!) that God is in control.  The “portion” and “cup” on your table is just the right serving!  You may want more or less on your plate, but God has wisely and lovingly chosen how much to give you.  His ways are delightful and pleasant, even if they feel disappointing or exaggerated to us.  Seasons in our lives vary.  We often have more or less or our plate than we think is best because we are not in control.

Are you feeling overwhelmed with how to use your time because there’s just too much to do and too many people to take care of?  Or are you battling discouragement because it seems the portion on your plate is lessening too quickly?

In either case, please join me in asking God for faith and joy in the lot He has chosen for us!

Lord, thank you for reminding me that You are in control.  Forgive me for complaining about the portion You have placed before me.  Help me to trust You with the boundaries You have wisely put around my life.  Show me any sinful attitudes or wrong thinking that prevents me from seeing my responsibilities as delightful and pleasant.  Thank You for helping me.  You are so faithful!

Posted by Sheree

Boundaries are a Good Thing June 21, 2010

Years ago I heard a teaching from Psalm 16 that produced one of those “ah ha!” moments.  Don’t you love it when the Holy Spirit opens your eyes to something you hadn’t seen before?  These verses came to life to me that day and have stayed with me since:

“The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance” (vs 5-6).

When I heard this message about 15 years ago the “boundary lines” (as one Bible translation called them) in my life were ever-expanding.  We had just added an adopted baby to the six children God had miraculously given this infertile woman.  My husband was the Senior Pastor of a growing church and I was homeschooling kids in kindergarten through 10th grade.  It was comforting for me that day to hear that God has chosen the portion and cup on the table of my life.  The expanding boundaries of the lot He had given me were “pleasant” and “beautiful”?  I left the conference with peace.  While my life frequently felt like it was out of control (and it often was!) there was Someone in complete control whose grace was available to me.

In recent years my boundaries have been inching closer.   Only three children are left at home.  My youngest will be a high school junior this fall, which means the nearly 30 years of homeschooling I joked about decades ago will soon come to an end.  My husband’s pastoral responsibilities are fewer, and aging and health issues are providentially requiring that I slow down.

But the boundaries are still God-ordained, pleasant and beautiful.

Years ago I needed faith to embrace expanding boundaries; now I need faith to embrace shrinking ones.  Understanding my boundaries helps me to use my time more wisely.  How?  Because I’m reminded to trust the One who has assigned my lot and chosen where to place those “fences” around my life.  To faithfully tend the lot He has given me, whether large or small, I must rely on Him and not myself.

More about that on Wednesday.

Posted by Sheree

Time Changes Priorities June 18, 2010

Life moves at a rapid pace. The other night I told David that after June things will slow down. He laughed at me (in a nice way, of course!!). That’s what we said all during engagement. And that’s what we’ll say next month, next year, etc. While I think different seasons result in varying degrees of busyness, each one brings its own challenges for us. In each, we must constantly reevaluate priorities and adjust as needed so that what we do with our time honors God, serves our family and fulfills (in some way) His great commission.

When I was a teenager, life seemed full of chores, a job, babysitting, activities and schoolwork. I love lists and struggled to find time to check everything off. And it was challenging to learn the priority, and joy!, of a daily quiet time. Life was very full.

While I was single, life seemed even fuller as I began to really pour myself into my job and sought to work with excellence. Balancing my love for my job and my desire to be involved with the church became some of my greatest challenges. Often times, those two areas won out as priorities and other areas (like cultivating a love for the home) hit the back burner. I was a bit of a nomad during the majority of my single years and allowed that to be my excuse for not being able to focus on all things “home.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this necessarily should have been my first priority. However, I know other single girlies who do really well in balancing the three – I could have as well.

In my current season of being newly married, life is now full with learning to orient myself to my husband on a daily basis – while I’m ok with hummus and pita for dinner, he’s not so ok with that. ::smile:: So I’ve been learning how to keep up with the cleaning, laundry, grocery lists, meals, etc. All of this is added into still working a full-time job. And of course, I want to spend all my time with my wonderful husband…I have lots of things pulling for my attention these days, it seems.

Over the years, I really have had to figure out what my priorities are for the current season. Recently, by God’s GRACE, I have been learning to say “no” to different things (all those who have worked with me through the years on this – hold your applause) and learning to say “yes” to what my husband (and I) determine is appropriate. Four and a half months into our marriage, I am saying no to serving on teams within the church but saying yes to growing in my love for my husband by being with him and laying a (hopefully) solid foundation to our marriage. I love to serve the church – LOVE it. But I need some time to build up the church in a different way: within our marriage (see the note in the new ESV Study Bible for Psalm 51:18-19).

I have no idea what the next season of life will be like…but I’m working hard now to be aware of what is and isn’t a good use of my time. Hopefully that will make the next season a bit easier. And isn’t it just amazing that God never is overwhelmed? I am so glad that I can grow to be more like Him in this area!!

Praying for Time June 16, 2010

Here it is, 10:30 at night and I just realized I had not done my blog post yet. You would think that after all this talk about time, I would have made the time to do the post before now!

Over the years, I have a tried many different things to manage my time.  I have tried to be more scheduled.  I have tried to be more flexible.  I have tried to spend less time out of the house to focus on my family.  I have recently tried to have more time with people and make sure my home is a home that is always open for fellowship.  I think the problem can arise when it is all about what “I” am trying to do.

There are many different seasons we, as moms, go through.  My seasons have changed based on my kids ages, but it can also be whether we homeschool, work outside of the home etc. I believe that my focus needs to be, no matter what season I am in, that I am making sure I am actually praying about what to do with my time. What God wants me to do may be completely different that what I had planned.  It could mean being at home more, reaching out to others more, or just cleaning my bathrooms more. I can make all sorts of grand schedules, and make all sorts of grand plans, but ultimately I need to be doing what He wants me to be doing.

So what I have learned from this series on time is that I need to pray more.  I need to ask the Lord what His plans for me are.  If that means my time is spent doing unexpected things, normal things, things I love, or things I do not want to do, I will be content because I will be spending my time fulfilling the plans God has laid out for me, not my own.

Time On End? June 14, 2010

I never thought I’d see this day…the day when I have pretty much all my time at my disposal.  I remember years of having no time to myself, yet I didn’t mind so much.  I was giving my time to my family, something I had dreamed of doing all my life.

Now it’s decades later (how is this possible?), and I have time.  Yet I don’t feel the freedom to go and do as I please because God is ever present helping me choose wisely.  I have learned the importance of spending daily time with Him!  This is a huge evidence of God’s grace in my life.  Most mornings I awake with a deep desire to be with Him, to read His Word and to write in my journal.  It’s as if He’s sitting in my living room waiting for me to pull up a chair and listen.  It is my favorite part of the day – just as the sun is coming up.

I realize that most of you, as mothers of young children are not able to do this, but you serve and love the same God as I do.  He will be faithful to you in this season of “no time” as He will be faithful to me in this season of “much time”.  It is all for Him, and He stands guard over our motives helping us to spend the time we do have wisely.

Do I fail? Oh yes, miserably at times!  I waste too much time on Facebook;  I waste too much time doing the things I love doing.  But God doesn’t leave me there for long.  I realize I have a life that demands my attention.  I have closets to clean, drawers to organize, and papers to file.  All of this is something I dread.  But by God’s grace I am going to ask Him to help me do what I will never do left to my own motivation.  I believe He will help me just as He has helped me with my devotions.

I am a work in progress and although it seems I have time on end, it will most certainly come to an end one day!  Then, and ONLY THEN, will I be able to spend all my time doing that for which I was created – worshiping HIM.

But for now, I have a pile of papers screaming at me from the corner of my desk, the question is – am I listening?

Posted by Debi

One More Question June 11, 2010

I have one more question to help us examine heart issues behind how we use our time:  In what 1-2 areas have you become wiser and more disciplined in recent years in how you use your time?

As ladies, we can often be much more aware of areas of needed growth in our lives than of areas in which God is working.  So take a few minutes and think about it.  Consider how you managed your time in high school.  College.  As a newlywed.  After your first baby.  Pause and reflect on how you’ve changed over the years.  Responsibilities you use to delay that you now regularly do without thinking much about it.  Maybe you once had to sift through piles of junk in your room and now you routinely make your bed and keep things pretty tidy.  Or perhaps cooking for two when you were first married used to be overwhelming.  And now you consistently prepare meals for your growing family — while adding extra for a friend who just had a baby.

We are exhorted to “boast in the Lord.”  So go ahead and do it.  Let your heart sing with gratitude over His grace in your life!  Boast in His power to change you.  Nothing is too small.  Hey, my mom saw it as a big deal when I started routinely making my bed every day.  She knew this was an evidence of God’s work in my life!  When we change, even in seemingly trivial ways, we can point to God’s help.  Why?  Because without His help we would drift backward, not forward.  So when we move toward faithfulness, diligence and servanthood we are actually making more progress than we realize because we’re no longer moving toward irresponsibility, laziness and selfishness.

The wise and humble woman is regularly looking toward how she can change with God’s help.  But the grateful and trusting woman also consistently looks to her progress.

Let’s applaud God today for proving His power to change for the specific ways He has changed us!

Join us next week as our blog team continues the discussion on how we use our time.  Have a wonderful weekend!

Posted by Sheree

How Feelings Influence How we Use our Time June 9, 2010

I’ve been recently digesting a wonderful article from CCEF called Strong Emotions: Extreme Confidence. Author and Biblical Counselor Ed Welch packs some powerful principles into this short article.  His premise is, “When you feel something strongly, you are very confident in whatever that emotion says about you, other people and God.”

I’ve been seeking to apply his teaching in several areas of my life and time usage is one of them.  What do emotions and time have to do with each other?  Feelings.  I’m starting to see how much feelings affect how I use my time.

• Ugh…I know I planned to grocery shop today but I just don’t feel like doing it.  I’ll order pizza tonite and shop tomorrow.
• Yes, I told Benny I would take care of doing the pool chemicals for him but I really wanna catch up on some emails.
• Hmmm, I haven’t had a Chick Fila sandwich in awhile.  The budget is kinda tight right now I know, but I’ve been craving one for days!
• That bath tub really needs a good scrubbing but I really want to finish that book chapter.  It can wait.

Feelings — fed by emotions and desires — can be really strong. The Chick Fila example is a recent one for me.  It was almost like my car drove itself into the drive-thru!  “I really should get home” and “This isn’t a wise decision” didn’t keep me from giving in to my desire for a yummy chicken sandwich and some sweet tea.   What happened?  There was a part of me that felt I deserved lunch I didn’t have to prepare because of how much I deny myself things to serve my family. So I just did it.

I’m not suggesting that reading, delaying grocery shopping or splurging on your favorite fast food sandwich is necessarily wrong.  But when we consistently give in to our feelings rather than making wise decisions then we have a problem.  I’m beginning to see how right Mr. Welch is.  When I feel something strongly not much can keep me from doing what I want to do.

So today’s question is this:  What feelings, desires and emotions most affect how you use your time? Does feeling unappreciated tempt to you regularly procrastinate because no one really cares or notices your efforts anyway?  Does feeling distant from God keep you from spending devotional time with Him because your spiritual life is dry and meaningless?  Do you find yourself falling into a pattern of laziness at work or at home because you don’t feel your efforts mean much?

I have good news for you and me.  We don’t have to live and make decisions by our feelings!  Our emotions don’t have to govern our decisions!  Because of the work Christ did on the cross, freeing us from the bondage of sin that once obligated us to obey ourselves (including our feelings and emotions), we can change.  With His empowering help we can learn to say no to what we feel when those feelings conflict with His gracious demand to “esteem others as more important than ourselves” (Phil 2: what a chapter!).

Ok, I don’t want to get up.  I’m propped up on by bed writing this post.  But Benny asked me to run an errand for him and because I don’t want to be a hypocrite I’m going to happily go take care of this for him.  At moments like this (and we all have these moments regularly!) we can rejoice in knowing God isn’t just pleased by the big, heroic things we do.  He’s also pleased when we run an errand when we don’t “feel” like it.

Posted by Sheree

Making Time For What we Don’t Like June 6, 2010

Last Friday I asked the first of 4 questions that can help to introduce us to heart issues about how we use (or wish we could use) our time.  Today’s two-part question is this:  In a given week, what responsibility do I love most and am glad I “get” to do?  What responsibility do I enjoy least and wish I didn’t “have” to do?

Some time ago a friend and I were discussing these questions.  Her “have” to do was mopping the kitchen floor while mine was cleaning out the refrigerator.  We both agreed that our attitudes toward these chores resulted in putting them off, even if it meant doing other household duties — ones we enjoy or simply like a tad more than the dreaded ones!

When evaluating how I spend my time, I find it easy to fall into this kind of procrastination.  I enjoy reading and answering emails more than ironing; cleaning the bathroom more than dusting and vacuuming the family room; blogging (smile) more than folding laundry.

No woman loves all the duties of biblical womanhood.  Part of that is because we are fearfully and wonderfully made by our Creator.  How we answer those email questionnaires says something about how we are wired by God.  Diamonds or pearls?  Hugs or kisses?  Coffee or tea?  Mountains or beach?  Sometimes even the little things remind us that we are different by design.  But when it comes to important things like how we spend our time, personal preference can’t remain a matter of feelings or opinions.  If I keep putting off cleaning out the frig because I want to answer emails I will eventually have some really nasty stuff growing in my kitchen.

So here’s what I told my friend is my favorite way to spend my time in a given week:  hanging out with my ever growing family.  I’m blessed to have all my children (three of the seven are still at home) and grandchildren closeby and I enjoy every minute we have together.  And, of course, I get to sleep next to my very best friend every night.

But I admit it.  Sometimes I choose this thing I love simply to avoid things I don’t love.  Often it’s a good thing.  Like the morning last week when one of my big girls needed a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. I eagerly left my undone laundry to spend some time with her.  But other times the better thing is to say no to lunch with some of the grandkids because we need clean clothes…soon.

Good questions and honest answers can lead to wise choices that produce lifestyle changes.  I hope our questions will serve in this way for some of you as they are for us.

More questions later this week!

Posted by Sheree

P.S.  Here’s a challenge for this week:  let’s do that “have to” thing we’ve been putting off before the week ends.  If you’re game let us know what it is (i.e cleaning out a closet, asking for a friend or family member’s forgiveness, organizing the kids toys, starting an exercise program).  Wouldn’t it be fun to make a list of some of the “have to’s” that get accomplished this week? Just post your comment and we’ll make the list available soon.  I’m inspired just thinking about this!

Questions about Time…and Life June 4, 2010

So here’s a question for you.  If you had a day to yourself how would you spend it?

I ask myself this question occasionally.  Why?  Because my answer reveals desires in my heart.

• “I’d spend it sleeping!” might reveal either that I’m physically exhausted and probably need more sleep…or that I’m discouraged and think extra sleep will bring relief to my worries.
• “I’d take my daughters to lunch and shopping” could demonstrate it’s been too long since we girls hung out…or that I’m wanting to quiet my concerns that some recent conflicts among us have affected our relationship.
• “I’d spent it alone in peace and quiet!” might mean that I could really use some time to myself…or that I’m unknowingly nursing bitterness, anger or self-pity concerning the responsibilities or people God has put in my life.
• “I’d spend the whole day with my husband” could suggest any number of things:  a warm and healthy marriage; longing to be more of a priority in your husband’s busy life; stirrings of curiosity that motherhood is slowly chipping away at the importance of the priority of your marriage; or simply a delicious desire to hang out with your best friend.

Asking ourselves seemingly silly questions like this can be a great way to spend a little time thinking about life.  Yes, our answers reveal what’s in our hearts: hopes, disappointments, evidences of God’s grace (“Hey, I wouldn’t have answered this question the same last year.  Yay!”), sinful attitudes, or areas of needed growth (“Wow.  I didn’t even realize I was worried about the lack of time my husband and I have together”).

More questions to come next week!

Posted by Sheree

Time Costs Us June 2, 2010

Ok, I’m about to be really honest.  I love spending.  I have friends who hate to shop.  Not me.  I love carrying and then bringing home packages.  Finding a great sale on matching Easter dresses for my granddaughters or a necklace that will perfectly match my daughter’s dress or catching a jeans sale for my son.  And what about when your friend’s favorite author just released a new book — right in time for her birthday?  Oh, and finding the exact color of flip flops to match the shirt you got for your birthday.

The only problem with spending is that it requires using money.  But what fun when God provides the funds to bless or surprise others…or to get something new for yourself!

Clothes, shoes and birthday gifts aren’t the only thing that require spending.  Another thing we spend is time. No, we don’t exchange money for it.  But we “spend” time by exchanging one activity for another.

• I’m spending time writing this blog right now which is “costing” me time to continue my laundry.
• We spend time on facebook or checking email rather than doing some household chore.
• A date night with our husband means we have to spend time earlier that day preparing food and getting the kids ready for the babysitter.
• We choose to spend time getting some extra sleep…and then pay later when the boss notices we’re late to work.

Our time isn’t limitless, so there are always choices about how to spend it.  Some of our choices are Spirit-led.  Sometimes it’s wise to get some extra sleep (when it doesn’t mean getting late to work, that is.)  The Holy Spirit moves in conversations that sometimes means lingering over coffee with a hurting friend.  A date night with our husband is worth the time spent preparing food for the kids we won’t eat and readying the house for the babysitter.

But the point is always this:  time is time spent. This means time has value!  Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or work outside the home, have small or grown children, are single and live alone or have a house bustling with people we are all busy ladies.  Ladies with time to spend however we choose to spend it.

Perhaps your heart is sinking right now.  “A series on time management?  Yuk.  I already know I stink at this and now I’m just gonna be reminded of all the things I’m not doing!”  Or maybe time management is a perceived strength and you’re glad.  “This is so timely…my friend really needs this!”

Whether how you spend time is a strength or a weakness, please join us.  Our blog team consists of two grandmothers with only grown kids at home, a newlywed who works full time outside the home and a stay-at-home mom of four young children — and we know that every season of a woman’s life makes time management challenging.

You won’t be getting lists or suggested schedules or many how-to’s.  But you will get to know us each better…and probably see yourself in our temptations and struggles to manage life in a busy world that we face.

Posted by Sheree