Marriage “Retreat” ? February 8, 2010

It is interesting to me that we call these events “retreats” when in reality my sinful heart ends up advancing in response, not retreating!  This week was no exception!   Without going into unnecessary details, suffice it to say I have been engaged in all out warfare on the sin and lack of mercy evident in my heart.

Events played out this week that made me question the goodness of the  sovereignty of God.  I was struggling with my lack of control, not only of the circumstances but also of my own emotions.  It has been a roller coaster of a week – and I hate roller coasters!  I much prefer to be on solid ground where each step is predictable.

But God ordained otherwise.

I thought I was struggling with choices my husband had made – but the Lord revealed this wasn’t the case.  I was angry at Him (God) for allowing things to play out the way they did.  He is in control of all things – I’m not.  And if I don’t like what’s happening, I must surrender to His purpose, His plan, His ways.  To choose otherwise is foolish.  My mind knows this, but my heart was fighting tooth and nail!

How did this affect my husband?  My marriage?  It only demonstrated how much Tom loves me in-spite of my sin.  He reassured me of his love; he gently, but firmly pointed out my exaggerated responses; and he demonstrated the gospel to me.

Dave Harvey said, “Paul sandwiches his sin with grace on both sides.  If we’re going to improve, start with the Gospel, go to your heart, and return to the Gospel.  We make the Gospel the air we breathe.  It’s like suiting up with oxygen masks to go into a burning, smoke-filled room.”

Tom has been living this week in a smoke-filled room all the while wearing the mask of God’s grace.  Not only did he breathe grace, but he took his mask off and handed it to me, so I could breathe grace as well.  He loves me even though I’m a sinner – demonstrating Christ’s love for his bride – the church!

Tom, thank you for the way you love me.  As we will celebrate 31 years of marriage this month, I am more aware than ever of the gift your love is to me, for your love causes me to love our Savior more.  Thank you for your humility, your strength and the way you care for me in my weakness.  I love you with all my heart – even the sinful, ugly parts!

Posted by Debi

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When Mercy Collides with Saturday Plans February 5, 2010

It was a Saturday morning and I was excited about all the stuff Benny and I would get done around the house that day: him working outside while the kids and I did our normal Saturday chores inside.

Then I learned that two of the kids had plans they were certain I knew about, but I was sure I was hearing about it for the first time.  Next came the phone call that resulted in Benny leaving to help one of our married kids with car trouble.  You know, one of those “this won’t take long” errands that stretches into hours.

My productive day was over before 10 AM.

After everyone but my youngest daughter left I pouted.  Whisked around my bedroom cleaning with that “mad” energy that descends when anger gives me fresh energy.  Rehearsed how often I give up my plans to serve my family and how faithful I am to put my plans on our family calendar so everyone will know what’s coming up.

So when Dave talked last weekend about mercy in marriage (and all other relationships) I was freshly convicted.  “Mercy,” he said, “has to do with how God related to us in our sin – we deserved anger and judgment, he gave kindness, patience and forgiveness.”  He talked about how comprehending this truth makes extending mercy take on new meaning.  We respond to others sins against us the way God responded to our sins against Him.  NOTE that links to the messages are now available on the sidebar to your right.

So often my pouting and anger and self-pity is a sinful response even to perceived sin.  Did my kids sin against me that Saturday morning?  Perhaps not.  Maybe they did tell me their plans and I forgot.  Or perhaps they didn’t tell me but should have.  (Can I say I have never done this same thing?)  And Benny certainly didn’t sin against me by the providential interruption to serve one of our children.

My husband and kids sin against me regularly.  Just like I sin against them.  Dave reminded me of the amazing privilege I have as an image bearer of God to extend the mercy to others that He extended to me.  “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love for which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ” (Eph 2:4-5).  It’s true that “how we relate to others in their sin reveals our true grasp on the gospel.”

I need to grasp the gospel better.  One of the ways I’ll know that’s happening is my commitment to treating my husband, children, friends and even enemies graciously when they sin against me.

Oh…that reminds me.  I was really affected by the end of that message when Dave exhorted us to be more aware of how long it takes for people to change.  How does mercy come into play when it seems like progress takes soooo long?  It’s one thing to be patient and forgiving for awhile…but what about when those around me take what seems like forever to make progress?  How long do I have to be patient and understanding?  What does mercy look like then?

I’m smiling with you.  You “hear” the foot-tapping going on in my heart.  Clearly I needed this message…and need to listen again and again.  More on this in a later post.

Posted by Sheree

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Proclaiming Grace Begins with Addressing Sin February 3, 2010

In Dave’s first message at the marriage retreat he laid the foundation of sin.  Hmmm….does that cause a spark in your heart?  Do you, like me, sometimes chaff at yet another focus on sin?  I’m learning that this is often because I don’t have a robust grasp of the gospel.

Using 1 Timothy 1:12-17 as his text for this message, Dave reminded us of the context of this book.  False teachers had begun to teach different doctrines (vs 3), causing some in the church to wander away (vs 6).  Teachers who claimed to understand the law didn’t (vs 7).  Why?  Because they were missing the point of the law: to reveal that we are sinners.

In short, the false teachers of that day had lost “the sinfulness of sin.”

Does that sound familiar?  How often do I lose sight of the sinfulness of my sin?  Dave elaborated on the importance of wives (and husbands) seeing that the biggest problem in our marriages isn’t our spouse, but us.  We have to focus on the whole gospel:  beginning with we are sinners in need of a Savior.  “A common and troubling trend in churches,” he said, “is denying the affects of remaining sin.”

I did this yesterday.  I was troubled by something Benny told me.  I was especially upset that he told me soon before I needed to leave for an appointment, meaning we wouldn’t have time to discuss it.  This left me with having an evening to think about it myself.  I was quick to judge his heart and the timing of his comments.  Wouldn’t he know this would be something I’d want to discuss…like for 3 hours????

It was quite some time before I changed the focus to me. My anxiety; perplexity; lack of trust in God.  And my willingness to so easily judge my husband’s heart.  The man who daily demonstrates his care and who has loved me for nearly 40 years in spite of how hard I make it for him.

Dave talked about our need for a “spiritual stethascope.”  Why?  So we can, with God’s help, discern the ill in our hearts and and rejoice in the gospel.

Jerry Bridges said, “The gospel is meaningful for us only the the extent that we realize and acknowledge that we are still sinful.  Although we are new creations in Christ, we still sin every day in thought, word, and deed, and perhaps even more importantly, in motives.  To benefit from the gospel every day, then, we must acknowledge that we are still sinners.”

Acknowledging that I’m still a sinning wife (and mother and friend) doesn’t bring condemnation because Jesus Christ paid for every one of my past, present and future sins!  When I’m unafraid to define myself as a sinner, I’m also unafraid to run to the throne of grace to receive help to overcome my sin.  As Dave said, “We can’t really proclaim grace without addressing sin.”

What hope!

Posted by Sheree

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Marriage and the Mercy of God February 1, 2010

I was unprepared for how this past weekend was going to affect me.

Metro Life Church had a marriage retreat for our region of churches entitled Marriage and the Mercy of God. Dave Harvey spoke three times on how to apply the mercy and grace of God in our marriages.  I was intrigued to see that none of his primary texts were traditional “marriage passages.”  Rather, he used 1 Timothy 1:12-17, Luke 6:27-36 and Titus 2:11-15 in each of the messages respectively.  (Take a moment to open your Bible and take a look at this passages and see if you’re as intrigued as I was.)

Over the next couple of weeks we will be sharing from what we learned this weekend.  How many times have I left a conference, seminar or retreat thinking, “This was life changing”?  I guess only time will tell if it will be the case, but I do believe this could be a life changing weekend for me…and many others after the conversations I’ve been having during the past 24 hours.

We will be providing links to the messages on our blog soon; until then you will be able to find them at www.metrolife.org sometime this week.  Whether you are married or single, please take the time to listen to Dave’s effective, insightful and self-disclosing look at passages I heard for the first time applied to marriage.  The thought that keeps coming back to me is this:  “Because of the cross, weakness becomes the place for patient ministry in marriage.”  We were skillfully reminded that:

• My husband’s sins against me don’t compare to my sins against a holy God.  If we remind ourselves regularly of God’s lavish love and forgiveness of our many sins against Him, we will be increasingly eager to demonstrate this love and forgiveness to our husbands.  (Dave made some kind and sensitive comments to those who have experienced serious suffering and abuse, and who are facing the painful consequences of the grievous sins of others.  Perhaps that is you…)
• Because as wives we didn’t get what our sins deserved, so we “shouldn’t hold our husbands hostage to their sin” by our bitterness, self-righteousness and selfish expectations.
• God has provided ample grace to give us the power to change!  This hope for ourselves is also the hope of which we need to remind our husbands in their battle with remaining sin.  All our (and their) attempts to change must be connected to the gospel: then as change comes we can thank God for the power to change rather than put the accent on our/our husband’s efforts.

Oh, there is so much more!  We’re excited to share with you how the Spirit of God worked in our hearts this weekend.  So join us as we learn more about Marriage and the Mercy of God.

A special word to those of you who are in marriages to unsaved or difficult men.  I was touched and inspired by several women who attended the retreat without their husbands.  And by others who came with little hope for change in longstanding issues in their marriages.   Please resist the understandable temptation to believe that more teaching on marriage is not going to help you.  Just today I talked to a friend who came to the retreat hopeless…and left with fresh faith that God is at work in her heart and marriage.  Give the truths of God’s word another opportunity to fill you, too, with hope God gives to the hopeless.  I sincerely believe if you listen to these messages, you won’t be disappointed.

Posted by Sheree

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Wedding Watch #8 January 29, 2010

This time next Friday, I will be getting ready for my wedding…my WEDDING! It is incredibly hard to believe it’s so close! I have waited and prayed and longed for this day for 29 years! And it’s here! 

Amidst the excitement and anticipation is the growing awareness of what it is I am doing. (I’m a slow learner.) With all the wedding planning and myriad of details, it has been easy to lose sight of what it’s all for – to get me married to the love of my life, the man for whom God has been preparing me. All of this wedding “stuff” is just details and fluff…it gets me to the point of being able to spend the rest of my life beside David. And every time I stop and think about that it takes my breath away. I still can hardly believe it.

So, on to the update!! We are getting lots done!!! I’ve settled on a hair style (praise the Lord!) and we have the décor for the auditorium figured out and nearly ready to go. I had a trial run with make-up (too fun!). We signed our marriage license (which, by the way, was pretty incredible to see “Male Applicant” and “Female Applicant” instead of “Party A” and “Party B” – hurray for Amendment 2!!). We finished our pre-maritals – oh, what a valuable time each lesson was!! I had my last dress fitting and now my dress is in my possession (it’s sooooooooooo pretty). 

There’s still lots and lots to do, though! I have a multitude of errands to run, thank-you notes to write, suitcases and boxes to pack, vendors to follow-up with, last appointments and meetings to attend, etc, etc. And we are praying for health and strength these last few days as both David and I have been pretty sick. But then…Friday will be here and I don’t care what happens. I am marrying David Alan Fountain!

Love, I am so looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you. The sovereign plan of the Lord had me confused often over the years as I wondered what on earth He was doing. Now, (silly, anxious me) I look back and see His hand at work in my life preparing me to become your wife – and His hand at work in your life preparing you to lead me (the harder job, for sure!). I am so in love with you.

“The time it took to find you, I’d wait again, my baby…”

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Broken-Down House January 28, 2010

I love word pictures – it’s how the Lord oftentimes speaks to me.  I compare it to a child’s love of picture books without words – I guess I’m elementary enough to need such communication, but the pictures offer so much more than books with only words  can provide.  This is why the Lord spoke so often in parables, He wanted to be sure we got the picture, so to speak!

I suppose this is why I am gleaning so much from Paul Tripp’s new book, Broken-Down House, Living Productively In A World Gone Bad.

He uses the metaphor of a broken, dilapidated old house in need of serious work.  But the restoration needed requires us to live in the midst of the mess.  We would much rather leave the work to someone else and come back when it’s all finished to enjoy.  But God has ordained, even commanded us to stay and dwell in a dangerous place where rusty nails, splinters and broken glass abound.  No matter how careful we are, we are sure to get hurt at some point in the restoration process.  Tripp shares in his Introduction:

“The bad news is that you and I are living right in the middle of the restoration.  We live each day in a house that is terribly broken, where nothing works exactly as intended.  But we do not live in the house by ourselves.  Emmanuel lives here as well, and He is at work returning His house to its former beauty.  Often it doesn’t look like any real restoration is goin on at all.  Things seem to get messier, uglier, and less functional all the time.  But that’s the way it is with restoration; things generally get worse before they get better.

So in the pages that follow, I invite you to consider one simple thing.  What does it look like to live productively in a world — a “house” — that is broken down?  Someday you will live forever in a fully restored house.  But right now you are called to live with peace, joy, and productivity in a place that has been sadly damaged by sin.  How can you live above4 the damage?  Even better, how can you be an active part of the restoration that is at the heart of God’s plan of redemption?

May God help you to be fruitful in all you do, even though you live in a broken-down house!”

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Age of Opportunity January 25, 2010

My children are now 4, 8 and just turning 11.  In the recent months it has become quite apparent to me that we are entering a new phase with my oldest son.  All of a sudden, things seem different………his responses, questions, doubts, fears and joys are markedly changed.  It took me a little while to begin to see what was happening.  Then, suddenly it dawned on me.  He is getting ready to enter adolescence.  I must admit a little panic set in, not because of fear of what was happening to him, but more-so of feeling unprepared for the changes.  I knew they would one day come, but really didn’t know what to expect.  Then I remembered a book I had bought a while ago, which had been recommended by many friends.  It is Paul Tripps “Age of Opportunity.”  I have started reading it and oh how helpful it is to me.  It is both very practical and encouraging.  It is helping me to see the big picture, but also showing me how to put it all into practice.  The following is an excerpt which has been particularly helpful to me.

“We need to teach our teenagers what it means to live for God where they live every day, in all those unspectacular moments at home, at school, or with friends.  There are two questions that, if regularly asked, will bring God into every one of those moments.  We want to ask them of our teenagers until they learn to ask them of themselves.  They are summarized by these two words:  trust and obey….In every situation we want our teenagers to have a heart for God.  We want them to have the goal of living to please him.  So we must encourage them in every situation to ask, “What, in this situation, are the things that God calls me to do that that I cannot pass on to anyone else?” …Once the teenager has biblically clarified those responsibilities, the only proper response is to obey.   The word trust points the teenager to the fact that he has limits….So we need to get our teens to ask this question:  “What, in this situation, are the things I need to entrust into God’s capable and loving hands?”……we need to teach our children that every moment is God’s moment.  There is always a higher agenda than personal happiness, there is a bigger, more significant story than their story of the moment, and in every situation, they are called to trust and obey God.”

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Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God January 22, 2010

If you’re not familiar with this title, it’s a wonderful book written by C.J. Mahaney and subtitled “What Every Christian Husband Needs to Know.” And it’s so true! It’s a part of the pre-marital material at Metro Life Church and, as I am nearly finished with this small volume, I’ve seen how packed it is with wonderful biblical truths of God’s design for marriage, sex and romance.

What I have been so struck with while reading through its pages (and especially Carolyn’s “A Word To Wives”), is the idea of how essential selfless and sacrificial love is in marriage. Sure, love can be fun Facebook statuses, making a home together, feeling your heart leap when he walks in the door, anticipation of the honeymoon and other fun and meaningful things. But, wow, it’s so much more: it’s a daily laying down of my life, putting his preferences over mine, being aware of HIM. And what a privilege to do this for the one I love. I’m so looking forward to the lifetime opportunity to (continue to) do this for David…in 13 days!!!

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Our God January 20, 2010

My favorite book I have read this year, and one of my all time favorites ever now, was Our God, by Octavius Winslow.  I did finish reading the book not long ago, but feel like I could only fully grasp and remember parts of it.  Our God is SO packed full of amazing truth that I plan on reading it again during my devotions this year.

Each chapter of Our God focuses on different “perfections” of Him.  Some of the chapters include:  The God of Love, The God of Holiness, The God of Patience etc.   Instead of using many of my words to describe this book, I will just write a few quotes directly from it.

“Oh, how the love of God changes the aspect of everything! Afflictions are revealed to be disguised blessings; trials, proofs of divine faithfulness; clouds, chariots paved with love and penciled with light, in which the Savior comes to us.”

“You have thought of Him, perhaps, as the God of holiness, the God of justice, the God of power, the God of judgment; come now and meditate on Him as the God of love. And while you muse on this marvelous and soul-subduing truth, may the fire of a responsive affection kindle in your heart so that your tongue breaks forth into thanksgiving and praise.”

“Why do you hesitate to trust all your personal interests and affairs and to disclose all your temporal needs and sorrows in prayer to God? He is not too hight for your lowest needs, nor too great for your smallest care.”

“Why do I need to be troubled about this matter anymore? Why yield to fear and despondency? I am released from responsibility, my obligation is cancelled, my debt is paid, and I am legally discharged from all liability, arrest, and judgment. I will emerge from the shadows and walk at liberty, bearing with me my legal protection and my full discharge, none daring to make me afraid.”

It is seriously like every single paragraph is packed full of amazing, spirit lifting, God glorifying truth. I am so grateful for books like this that God uses to send my focus back to where it should be.  On HIM!

Posted by Jaime

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Prodigal God January 18, 2010

This week we’re going to share with you books that we’re reading and how they’re affecting us.  Not a book review, really; we’ll be sharing an  excerpt and how it’s helping us personally.  We begin with Debi who is sharing about Prodigal God, by Timothy Keller.

I recently finished this book and when asked to share with you on this topic – I knew the exact quote I wanted to share.  It was the only one I remembered off the top of my head – quite miraculous these days!

This section of the book is about relationships and how vital they are to our growth in godliness.  He shares an example from C.S. Lewis’ life that has had a lasting impact on how I value relationships in the church:

“C.S. Lewis was part of a famous circle of friends called the Inklings, which included J.R.R. Tolkien, the author of The Lord of the Rings, and also the author Charles Williams, who died unexpectedly after World War II.  In his book The Four Loves, Lewis wrote a striking meditation on his death in an essay entitled “Friendship.”

In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out.  By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets.  Now that Charles [Williams] is dead, I shall never again see Ronald’s [Tolkien's] reaction to a specifically Charles joke.  Far from having more of Ronald, having him “to myself” now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald…In this, Friendship exhibits a glorious “nearness by resemblance” to heaven itself where the very multitude of the blessed (which no man can number) increases the fruition which each of us has of God.  For every soul, seeing Him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest.   That, says an old author, is why the Seraphim in Isaiah’s vision are crying “holy, Holy, Holy” to one another (Isaiah 6:3).  The more we thus share the Heavenly Bread between us, the more we shall have.

Lewis is saying that it took a community to know an individual.  How much more would this be true of Jesus Christ?  Christians commonly say they want a relationship with Jesus, that they want to “get to know Jesus better.”  You will never be able to do that by yourself.  You must be deeply involved in the church, in Christian community, with strong relationships of love and accountability. Only if you are part of a community of believers seeking to resemble, serve, and love Jesus will you ever get to know him and grow into his likeness.”

What a precious picture of how each of us reflect the Savior.  I know more of Him by being friends with you!  This draws my heart to long to know others – to draw them out about their love for Jesus.  We need each other as Mom to Mom, but also friend to friend.  This has had a lasting impact on how I value each friend with whom God has blessed me.  Through them I will learn more about Christ – and this will last forever!

Posted by Debi

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